Creamy Salsa

This is not a recipe. 

This is a dissertation outlining the platform upon which the latest presidential candidate, Mike Harshner, will be running.

With the extreme polarity in the current political climate along with the collective consciousness' addiction to duality, we could all use a candidate that doesn't focus on any of the primary, divisive issues. 

In short, here is his three-part plan:

1. Trains

2. Ducks

3. Roundabouts

The first accountant ever, and I mean ever, in office

Here are the details:

Trains - Make America Connected Again!

During his first 100 days of office, President Harshner pledges to revitalize the infrastructure of the train systems in North America to 19th century proportions with enormous economic opportunities for all communities across the country.

That's right- the biggest part of his political platform includes...more platforms!

Subways and metros are no longer just for big cities. 

We're going to get the entire country back on track.

With this massive transportation upgrade bill, funds from useless programs like NASA, any DOD war machine building, and most of the budget for homeland security will be redirected to this program that will actually benefit its citizens. 

Also, instead of using slaves and immigrants like last time, meeyins and meeyins of jobs will be created (with training provided) to build more interconnecting railroads so that one never has to drive through Atlanta or Chicago traffic again! 

Unless one wants to. 

This is America, after all. 

You will still be free to sit in traffic behind large trucks, if you so choo-choo-choose.

Additionally, we'll finally be able to use the secret electromagnetic technology from the Area 51 UFOs to ensure the cost to run such a railroad is minimal and efficient, so tickets to and from wherever will be much cheaper than any other transportation alternative.

This low-cost transportation incentive will increase America's tourism industry while bringing awareness and connectedness to all cultures across the country. 

Isn't that the most American thing you've ever heard?

Freedom to explore the melting pot? YES!

In addition to major railroad overhauls, smaller grants will be given to small, local communities who wish to turn their railroad depots into recreational centers with trains that have cars with special features:

1. a cinema car

2. a snack car

3. Escape Room car

4. an art car

5. a bowling car (hover technology pending)

Just like community gardens, people in small towns everywhere can band together to design and implement creative car ideas to draw patrons to their village. The train depot will be a cool place to hang out and travel on for locals and wayfarers alike.

(This is like that time they tried to make the post office profitable by selling coffee, but it will actually work because trains are cool, unlike smelly packages.)

Restoring and expanding upon the railroad system that already exists is also a massive step forward for the environment as far as emissions go. It will derail any climate change concerns because it's far more effective than offering dumb tax credits for buying some hideous electric Tesla.

If you think this project is too big to take on and would never work in a country the size of America, may I remind you of the little engine that could?

He thought he could, so he did!

Seriously, this idea is so good, it's already left the station.

Ducks - Duck Lives Matter!

When conducting foreign relations in Canada this summer, president-elect Harshner went to Bells Park and was pleased with the correct amount of ducks at this lake.

There were ducks, ducks everywhere

During his presidency, POTUS will institute a duck quota at all bodies of still, fresh water like ponds and lakes that would require each to have an appropriate amount of ducks verified by the National Park Service. 

Example of correct duck quota

This will not only provide natural sustainability to existing ecological systems, but also encourage improvement of mental health everywhere because you can't look at a resting duck and remain upset for very long.

So inspiration, much wow

Less stress for citizens means fewer health care costs overall which would trickle down and eliminate any creepy government contracts with Pfizer.

Duck lives matter because people lives matter. Mr. Harshner promotes peace and sustainability, and what better representation than a precious floating animal upon the serene waters all over the country?

Roundabouts - 4 Way Stops Must Yield to Roundabouts!

While the railroad system is being put into locomotion, the commander in chief will lose no steam in converting all four-way stops to roundabouts. This will be a minor cost with massive improvement for those that still wish to drive, increasing traffic fluidity and safety by still requiring vehicles to slow down to make turns.

Since this is a federal initiative, to maintain one's driver's license, there will be a one-time, required, free, 30-minute educational course about roundabouts and how they work. 

That way, we'll all be on the same page when they're implemented and no one will be waving us on like an idiot when it's their turn.

I'm talking specifically at the intersection of Margie Drive and Osigian Blvd. 

That one is first on the list to be turned into a roundabout.

And there will be MUCH rejoicing.

So how does one vote for the next chief of state?

What party is he running for? 

Well, that's obvious: The Mario Party.

Imagine going to a rally where this is your leader

If you would like to donate to his campaign, use Cashapp $ducklivesmatter.

Other than that, I don't know how you vote for someone so awesome. 

Write his name in? 

Though, unfortunately, he doesn't meet the age requirement or have any political experience, but he is very likeable and doesn't even have a felony on his record, so those are two things that set him apart.

After his initial 100 days in office, there are other initiatives in the pipeline:

1. Conversion of 3-way stops to roundabouts

2. Legislation to require ceiling fans in hotel rooms

3. Removal of Gainesville, GA, physically and systemically (grants and subsidies provided for rehousing and businesses)

4. Carrier pigeon training programs to replace USPS

"I'm Mike Harshner, and I approve this message."

-Mike Harshner, 2024

Lots to be excited about.

Conducting the future,

TWS