'Tis the Seasoning

Here are some Christmas songs that I overthink:

The Christmas Song

I never ever ever ever ever ever e'er in all my life have understood this part of the song:

And so I'm offering this simple phrase 

To kids from one to ninety-two

Are we talking ages or number of kids here? 

What is this audience? 

If there are 92 kids, man, that's a lot of kids.

And a lot of noise. This is precisely what the Grinch was up against.

But if it's age, then they're no longer kids...so...maybe it's being facetious?

What is meaning of this random 92 number? 

Also if it's age, that's a pretty random and careless way to isolate a whole population of people. 

What about the 93 year-olds or the centenarians? 

Don't they deserve a simple phrase?

But I get it. You had to make that weird line rhyme with the most basic line ever.

I could think of a handful of ways to rework that line to make it less confusing and ageist, but you have chosen this path, and now you must see it through.

Also, "tiny tots...with their eyes all aglow" conjures images of small, aging potatoes staring back at me from the bottom drawer in my fridge.

There, I ruined it.

They'll find it hard to sleep tonight

Mary, Did You Know?

I've always liked that song at this time of year. I feel like it's one of the lesser abused, hauntingly beautiful cantations of the season. 

And by "abused" I mean played in every single retail outlet and commercial ad nauseum for over a month.

And by "cantations" I mean religious songs that's not necessarily a hymn but still kind of sung in church.

But DID Mary know, though?

Because now that we're asking about matters of consciousness, indeed. That would change everything. Maybe that's why it's one of my favorite songs. 

But did she like really know know, you know? I feel like I'm talking in code here. 

The Da Vinci Code!

Gabriel was all like, IYKYK ;)

And she was all like, 

Magnifica! ;)

See Luke's diary for the deets.

What I'm getting at is that there are layers here.

In church, they preach the literal story.

But the greater story is the truth of is Christ in YOU, the hope of glory. Col 1:27

And the whole spectrum in between.

Ok, so yeah, the song is about a baby growing up to be a man/God that does amazing things.

But I think it's also about growing something from within you that is greater than your current self that you, yes, even you, can believe in.

And then it's about the Spirit of God coming upon you, Mary, conceiving an idea. Your love for this idea invites your emotions and attention upon it, nourishing the seed within your mind that you cannot physically see and yet you still believe that you will one day because you hold with such conviction and belief and faith it is true, and it must that must be brought to fruition thereby consciously participating as a creator in the miracle of physical creation.

And then metaphysically, Gabriel is an angel, right, which is a messenger of light. So now we see that his message from God is higher understanding coming to earth. Mary (the receptive, subconscious mind) is receiving light codes which results in more capacity to hold the energy needed for greater revelation. Having more light and understanding means she will, quite literally, be able to bear the witness to the truth, which will then be 'borne' in the physical reality because it was conceived in heaven first.

And then astrologically, it's about the sun reversing its trajectory in the middle of winter and being born nine months later in September in Virgo/Virgin which is a great time of harvest and transition which also corresponds with exactly what happens when you level up in life, ascend, etc. 

So it's like what happens outside also happens in our bodies. Do you know what the earth is?

It's a whole thing. It's like Tia Dalma trying to explain the ancient lore that she has lived. 

"Same story, different versions
And all are true!"

But...Mary? Did YOU know?

The First Noel

The phrasing in the second verse bugs me.

Every other verse is fine:

1. The first noel, the angel did say

3. And by the light of that same star

4. This star drew nigh to the northwest

5. Then entered in those wise men three*

*not Biblically accurate, but ok

But the second verse:

2. They loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooked up and saw a star

Everybody singing this line up to tempo looks like a slack-jawed mouth-breather for a good few seconds as they have to hold that vowel for much, much longer than usual.

This is your face, singing the second verse of The First Noel

Is the song trying to make the word "looked" into a 2 or 3 or 4 syllable word? That's impossible in almost every single language, especially English.

Using the very same tune, it could have been phrased as I've outlined below: Go ahead & sing along!

2. They raised their eyes and saw a star

2. In a dark night sky, they saw a star

2. From the field, they looked and saw a star 

ALL OF THESE WORK so much better with the musical phrasing of the language, something that I wish all songwriters would consider before bringing it to hymnal.

Sorry not sorry.

We Wish You A Merry Christmas

This song starts out okay and cheerful, but then gradually becomes more intense and ornery as it sounds like seasons greetings for me and my kin are contingent upon satisfying some bizarre request for some outdated lunch lady dessert.

Figgy pudding?

And you won't go until you get some?

Is that an ultimatum?

How about chocolate pudding?

I mean, if you're going to be demanding, at least be demanding something good.

Or how about a better dessert all around since it doesn't have to rhyme with anything but itself?

May I suggest...

Christmas Babycakes: The Snack You Can Hear!

The more you look, the more you see,

TWS

Wanted

If you're a bounty hunter, does that mean you're the Quicker Picker Upper-picker-upper?

Most likely to succeed

For a cash reward,

TWS

The Addendum

In addition to the last post, I just wanted to say that I've come a long way as far as speech goes. From not being able to pronounce my R's as a child to now rolling them as effortlessly as rolling up a yoga mat. 

Everyone loves a good protagonist arch.

Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr,

TWS

Felicitaciones

So I did a thing. 

The Thing, but blurry:

Explanation to follow

About a year ago, I started loosely studying Spanish for our trip to Jaco in Costa Rica in February. It started off easy and then it got more fun, so I just kept learning with the Duolingo app with my phone.

After loosely studying for several months, I was pretty decent at reading and writing, but my speaking and listening were still quite elementary.

It's like learning all the definitions of square dance, but not being able to actually dance because you've only ever heard one caller and have never really danced.

I had studied languages in the past in high school like French and German, but never Spanish. I thought, "Well, I've come this far. I didn't come this far just to get this far."

Famous first words.

On our trip back from Canada in July, I decided to get serious about it and actually pursue fluency. I read a blog and found a website called Dreaming Spanish which is all about a comprehensible input method of learning.

So then I set a goal: 300 hours. Why 300 hours? Because of this roadmap.

this here is an excerpt of the roadmap

Shivers go down my spine when I set goals because the core of my being just knows how flakey I am about completing them.

 

Turns out that my issue with setting goals aside from all the corporate PTSD is that it has to be something that, at my core, I care about learning/doing/achieving or else I just lose interest way too fast.

But I told myself, hey- let's just do six months and see where we get. Learning via comprehensible input will keep it fun, so I don't even have to stay motivated; I just have to participate and my brain will naturally do all the heavy lifting.

However, to accelerate my milquetoast listening and pronunciation skills, I also subscribed to Pimsleur's audio course.

300 hours seemed achievable in six months. I had just over 100 hours when I began in July, and in the spirit of keeping things fun and colorful, I made a chart to track my progress. Just like back in the good ol' days of summer reading programs, I loved being able to color in little boxes when I had done my reading for the day, so I set milestones for chunks of progress that would make a pretty progress bar.

My "daily goal" in the upper left corner of my chart was 15 min of Duolingo, 30 min of Pimsleur, and 15 min of Dreaming Spanish. I didn't stick to this. I just invented this to make it seem palatable to my left brain.

Unfortunately, I was like 2 months in when I realized that I had messed up the dates in Excel and had left off half of September and October, but the dates had already rubbed off anyway from the wear and tear of the paper so whatever.

It's remarkable how much character one sheet of paper can get from daily use. You can definitely see when we traveled in August where I was doing Duolingo before bed in the hotel room just to prevent my streak ending. I kept my chart in my Spanish notebook where I jot down new vocabulary and verb conjugations.

After a short while, "doing Spanish" became like my part time job - playing with grammar in Duolingo, completing my audio lessons, watching videos - and I was committed to the fun! Some days I would do more than 3 hours, watching videos over lunch and taking long walks, talking to myself all the way to the bamboo forest and back. I even picked up a newspaper from the Mexican restaurant to read it just because I could.

Today I ended my Pimsleur subscription with just over 315 hours. I finished a month early than I had planned not only because my chart was muy equivocado hahahahaa but because I was already doing multiple audio lessons a day and ready to end that subscription so that I could hop over to Dreaming Spanish and get into their premium content.

It feels good to finish something for once, but at the same time, I didn't really "finish" anything. 

Not even my goofy chart.

The 300 hour goal was really just something arbitrary that I assigned myself to, but if anyone asks, I'm a B-1 student. The next milestone is 600 hours, but I hesitate to call it a goal. I mean, watching my Spanish stuff is already so habitual to me, so I'll probably just slide into fluency without even trying to. 

The easier it gets, the easier it gets! And the chart was a fun time for a time.

I'm making a lifelong career of expanding consciousness.

I also enjoy sunshine and breathing oxygen.

Subjunctive tense,

TWS

Captain Nook

Do you ever have a drawer that goes a little too long being a little too forgotten about?

I'm not talking about a junk drawer. Junk drawers are a foundational cornerstone to the finer workings of a household. 

In junk drawers we live, move, and have our being. They hold an indispensable occupation in a functioning society, much like lost-and-founds or protists. 

For where else would you even store chip bag clips, restaurant coupons because Popeyes really may reopen one day, or the spare hardware you've accumulated from all the furniture you've assembled?

Don't answer that. Purely rhetorical.

What I'm talking about is a truly miscellaneous drawer that has gone too far in its assemblage of  afterthoughts, mild hazards and poisons, and things that aren't quite trash but well on the brink of becoming so.

When I asked about this drawer, it literally opened up to me.

"Mike, where do you even keep the toothpicks?"

"Over here, by the matches," supposing little wooden sticks belong alongside other little, slightly wider and more flammable, wooden sticks.

Behold:

The Drawer

Its Contents, in no particular order:

Toothpicks, some not even in the container

Fire starter logs

Matches

Lighters

Liquid ant bait

Fly paper

A bottle opener

Several koozies

Bamboo skewers (Mike says they are just bigger toothpicks)

2 grill brushes

A sushi rolling mat

It's like:

-a hobby kit for a pyromaniac who isn't very serious about grilling

-a tacklebox for someone who only wishes to harm bugs

-a collage of drink supplies for someone who likes to kick it with a cold one while perhaps also holding the extremely occasional and unusual hankering for food that has been touched by bamboo

These things don't go together and yet, here they are, together.

Gaze upon the paradox: for the drawer appears so intensive with its collection of odds-and-ends while at the same time actuating a location so fit and peculiar that these items simply could not belong in a more logical place, for no such place exists. 

Like a miscellaneous folder that has every type of file inside of it:

An organized chaos

Wherein an object can only be found

By those who already know where it is

#potc

Just know that if you ask for a toothpick at our house, we're gonna have to ask you to pick your poison.

Condensed on the plane of inertia,

TWS

How to Be an An Introvert

Welcome to my compilation of comics about being an introvert in normal, friendly social interactions!

The majority of these were written from my experience in a cubicle workspace at a corporation. If you do not find it enjoyable, you probably aren't an introvert, but I won't hold that against you.

Simple click the upper right square to expand.

I realize I post a lot of 'How To' books like some self-help author,

TWS

Hors d'

I just found out about the word "oeuvre" and it really has nothing to do with eggs but everything to do with a body of work, and so for my next trick, I think I'll do an oeuvre.

It'll be my life's work.

Meanwhile, I can't see the bottle of Smoked Paprika in my cabinet and wonder what game it could have possibly failed at so epically. As in...

*sports announcement*

"It was a close race for salt and pepper the whole time, but they absolutely smoked paprika!"

Poor paprika. Always in a league of its own.

So then by that logic, smoked turkeys are just the ones that can't run as fast.

And the crowd goes mild.

Did you hear about the scandal involving a closed entrance? They're calling it Gategate.

You know this is the content you subscribe for.

Anyway, a while back, I saw this tweet. Or this X or whatever you want to call it:

And then I thought about these guys:

Cow Ants, or Mutillidae

Contrary to popular belief, these are actually wasps and not ants, but I want to circle back to the tweet and not the biological reality.

What if the ants on the gummy did get some kind of high and ascended in consciousness and realize that they could be so much more than just fire ants working for some queen?

Sure, at the ant bed you have a ton of friends all working together, but you're always working for someone else.

So what if the ants KNEW that they could lift 100 times their weight and realized their own individual strength? And then what if they broke out of the ant colony and went out on their own?

Instead of serving some queen, they awoke and started their own ventures?

Freelancers!

Freel-ANTS-ers

Before tonight, I thought maybe the Cow Ants had done this, like they had overcome their ant ego and ascended in mind and stature to become big chunky can't-touch-this loner ants. It turns out those are just female wasps who don't get wings but all of them do live solitary lifestyles and to quote Wikipedia, lack complex social systems. No beds or colonies for these guys.

I'm just saying there's a metaphor somewhere in here.

Let me know if you find it.

No uncles, just ants,
TWS

Creamy Salsa

This is not a recipe. 

This is a dissertation outlining the platform upon which the latest presidential candidate, Mike Harshner, will be running.

With the extreme polarity in the current political climate along with the collective consciousness' addiction to duality, we could all use a candidate that doesn't focus on any of the primary, divisive issues. 

In short, here is his three-part plan:

1. Trains

2. Ducks

3. Roundabouts

The first accountant ever, and I mean ever, in office

Here are the details:

Trains - Make America Connected Again!

During his first 100 days of office, President Harshner pledges to revitalize the infrastructure of the train systems in North America to 19th century proportions with enormous economic opportunities for all communities across the country.

That's right- the biggest part of his political platform includes...more platforms!

Subways and metros are no longer just for big cities. 

We're going to get the entire country back on track.

With this massive transportation upgrade bill, funds from useless programs like NASA, any DOD war machine building, and most of the budget for homeland security will be redirected to this program that will actually benefit its citizens. 

Also, instead of using slaves and immigrants like last time, meeyins and meeyins of jobs will be created (with training provided) to build more interconnecting railroads so that one never has to drive through Atlanta or Chicago traffic again! 

Unless one wants to. 

This is America, after all. 

You will still be free to sit in traffic behind large trucks, if you so choo-choo-choose.

Additionally, we'll finally be able to use the secret electromagnetic technology from the Area 51 UFOs to ensure the cost to run such a railroad is minimal and efficient, so tickets to and from wherever will be much cheaper than any other transportation alternative.

This low-cost transportation incentive will increase America's tourism industry while bringing awareness and connectedness to all cultures across the country. 

Isn't that the most American thing you've ever heard?

Freedom to explore the melting pot? YES!

In addition to major railroad overhauls, smaller grants will be given to small, local communities who wish to turn their railroad depots into recreational centers with trains that have cars with special features:

1. a cinema car

2. a snack car

3. Escape Room car

4. an art car

5. a bowling car (hover technology pending)

Just like community gardens, people in small towns everywhere can band together to design and implement creative car ideas to draw patrons to their village. The train depot will be a cool place to hang out and travel on for locals and wayfarers alike.

(This is like that time they tried to make the post office profitable by selling coffee, but it will actually work because trains are cool, unlike smelly packages.)

Restoring and expanding upon the railroad system that already exists is also a massive step forward for the environment as far as emissions go. It will derail any climate change concerns because it's far more effective than offering dumb tax credits for buying some hideous electric Tesla.

If you think this project is too big to take on and would never work in a country the size of America, may I remind you of the little engine that could?

He thought he could, so he did!

Seriously, this idea is so good, it's already left the station.

Ducks - Duck Lives Matter!

When conducting foreign relations in Canada this summer, president-elect Harshner went to Bells Park and was pleased with the correct amount of ducks at this lake.

There were ducks, ducks everywhere

During his presidency, POTUS will institute a duck quota at all bodies of still, fresh water like ponds and lakes that would require each to have an appropriate amount of ducks verified by the National Park Service. 

Example of correct duck quota

This will not only provide natural sustainability to existing ecological systems, but also encourage improvement of mental health everywhere because you can't look at a resting duck and remain upset for very long.

So inspiration, much wow

Less stress for citizens means fewer health care costs overall which would trickle down and eliminate any creepy government contracts with Pfizer.

Duck lives matter because people lives matter. Mr. Harshner promotes peace and sustainability, and what better representation than a precious floating animal upon the serene waters all over the country?

Roundabouts - 4 Way Stops Must Yield to Roundabouts!

While the railroad system is being put into locomotion, the commander in chief will lose no steam in converting all four-way stops to roundabouts. This will be a minor cost with massive improvement for those that still wish to drive, increasing traffic fluidity and safety by still requiring vehicles to slow down to make turns.

Since this is a federal initiative, to maintain one's driver's license, there will be a one-time, required, free, 30-minute educational course about roundabouts and how they work. 

That way, we'll all be on the same page when they're implemented and no one will be waving us on like an idiot when it's their turn.

I'm talking specifically at the intersection of Margie Drive and Osigian Blvd. 

That one is first on the list to be turned into a roundabout.

And there will be MUCH rejoicing.

So how does one vote for the next chief of state?

What party is he running for? 

Well, that's obvious: The Mario Party.

Imagine going to a rally where this is your leader

If you would like to donate to his campaign, use Cashapp $ducklivesmatter.

Other than that, I don't know how you vote for someone so awesome. 

Write his name in? 

Though, unfortunately, he doesn't meet the age requirement or have any political experience, but he is very likeable and doesn't even have a felony on his record, so those are two things that set him apart.

After his initial 100 days in office, there are other initiatives in the pipeline:

1. Conversion of 3-way stops to roundabouts

2. Legislation to require ceiling fans in hotel rooms

3. Removal of Gainesville, GA, physically and systemically (grants and subsidies provided for rehousing and businesses)

4. Carrier pigeon training programs to replace USPS

"I'm Mike Harshner, and I approve this message."

-Mike Harshner, 2024

Lots to be excited about.

Conducting the future,

TWS

Haiku: The Puzzle

Life is a crossword
Except that the more you write
The more it expands

The more you know,
TWS

Sturgeon

It's becoming quite clear to me that I may be the Kilgore Trout of this generation. 

An author of a blog, among other things, that is so remarkably unsuccessful by its zany ideas, verifiable anecdotes, and longstanding single digit readership.

And yet here you are. 

You just keep coming back. 

So in light of keeping things nice and crazy over here, can I just postulate something that could get me fired from my job even if I had one?

Did history really happen, or are we all just kind of here...now?

Ok, now hang with me and don't get mad.

Or go ahead and get mad. I don't care.

But check yourself.

I've been thinking for some time that maybe history is just a story we all agree on.

They get us in elementary school. And I've thought back: what is the purpose of history class?

You have the philosophical reason posted up on a number of professor's doors of "those who don't know history are condemned to repeat it".

Which, by the way

I mean, pump the freakin' brakes.

If you know history (by the books), but aren't able to apply a new way of thinking in your own life or understand different perspectives, then on a macro and microcosmic scale, it is karmic pattern that does get repeated, but in a new way, in a different generation. 

Earth is school.

We're all just here, learning our lessons.

Don't get all moody trying to condemn high schoolers into studying for midterms.

And then what's with the whole pledge of allegiance?  I don't care if it's "under God" or omitted: pledging allegiance to something external to you when you are that young and impressionable is just plain creepy.

Goshhhhhhhhhh my fifth grade self was so cool. She saw so much. She knew so much. 

I think it's more of the system of the matrix shaping an identity for you and we just let it happen. 

Consider...

The Tree of Life, concealed in a handsome meatsuit

with a  malleable mind, a suggestible ego

and relying on animal survival tendencies 

To grow, it's gotta have roots. 

Real nice, plump, juicy, and often racist roots. 

[programming]

So if you think you know where you come from and identify with it, then, boom! 

Search is over!

You know who you are! 

Congratulations, you mortarboard-wearing stripling!  

You have now earned your face because you learned some stuff about it that we told you was true!

Continuing wearing your newly informed face as long as you like!

Oh, and here's...paper, to prove it, I guess.

But what if you learned about a different face? Would you then hold that identity?

Or what if you learned about a *gasp* different side to the *sharper gasp* SAME STORY?

Would you now be two faced?

Or just informed?

Experiencing cognitive dissonance?

What would you believe?

How do you know what is "true"?

Somewhere up the chain you are still believing on the authority of someone if you didn't personally experience it and believe it.

 All the "evidence" in the world still asks you to believe in its existence.

And even then you have the results from the Double-Slit Experiment to consider, but this post is about history and not science (or PSY-ience) so we're gonna go ahead and move along even though I think they have more overlap than what I'm letting on here.

I venture to say that learning about history shapes us only so far as we attach to it. 

How much history matters only to the extent we accept it into ourselves as relevant belief.

Because the truth is that you are brand new every moment.

Every present moment you are free to choose who you are being.

That's supposed to be America, by the way. 

"Freedom" etc etc 

But all your country's songs talk about how freedom ain't free because of the cawst, and so you just live in that reality of thinking that war is righteous and necessary instead of realizing that no, you are an eternal spirit cast in a physical body, and everyone is actually free to be who they are, and if you're not cool with that, you have attached to an identity rooted somewhere in some belief or history that may not actually reflect that truth.

The truth does set you free, after all.

 #truestory

Attaching to an identity robs you of the true freedom of experiencing things anew.

You can be defined by your past. Or any past. 

You can be identified with your roots so far back as you want to be. 

You can be patriotic as hell and the only person it will mean anything to is you.

You get to choose your identity. You're always doing it anyway. You just keep choosing the past because it's all you think you know.

But I want to live like the kid who just went to the best birthday party ever, like: 

...and then there was this WATER SLIDE and then we did MAKEUP and then we had CAKE and my best friend made me LAUGH and then we went in the POOL...

Just be so extra about living it up here and now. 

Because I don't live in history.

I live in a true story.

One that is true.

To me.

Gloryhog09,
TWS

Here It Is

Instructions for reading:

1. Click the upper right square to expand because I learned how to embed a PDF into HTML text today.

2. With all the whimsical respect for Dr. Seuss poetry, please, read this one aloud.

Even better in person,

TWS

Notice

Almost every morning, I roll out my yoga mat porch for stretching. 

Before I can even bring my coffee to the same place, it gets commandeered by all these cats.

All both of them.

Babycakes

Coop'n Doop

That's why my yoga mat is all pockmarked with little kitty claw marks and I won't be bothered to buy another one because they will just keep doing it. 

They can't help it.

So today I started wondering if cats, on another level than just being cuddly bums, are really energy recyclers, or rather, energy up-cyclers. Changing lower frequencies into higher ones by absorbing, transmuting, and purring.

working hard by hardly working

We already know that these mysterious creatures lay around all day and do dark, murderous deeds in the night, but what if they are actually doing a very important energetic work and thereby supporting and protecting humans in this way?

Think about it: just like the mantis shrimp can see other colors and frequencies that we are not attuned to, perhaps carnivorous kitties can see lower ones.

According to the law of conservation, energy cannot be created or destroyed, so I'm just wondering if there are fragments of energy just hanging around that we don't even think or know about where cats come in and take care of it.

Because cats also dream, right? That means their consciousness can leave their body.

The tongue out is the universal "I've gone to another dimension" sign.

So what if they absorb all this extraneous energy into their bodies by sitting in certain places and then cleanse it in some higher realm while they are asleep/not really here.

like what shape even is this

Or, if they can transmute lower energies, can they also bring in higher energies?

blessing ur luggage

blessing ur box

blessing ur bath

I'm just saying there's got to be a higher purpose for these animals. They have way too much power and personality.

Copy Cat: ensuring all your printing goes right!

And you guys already know my thoughts on how printers could be sentient beings.

I just think the housecat is a very interesting ecosystem development. In an age where in-house rodents are really not all that common, they still provide energetic value in ways our eyes cannot perceive. The body heat is just a biproduct of the real stuff they're up to.

blessing ur face

It can all be good,

TWS

God Particles

Ok, fair warning. I guess I care about this.

I'm going to say something, and then something else, so here we go:

Something

I know I'm a mere 8 years late to reporting on this, but in 2016, there was a incident at CERN where a weasel gnawed through a power cable that shut down the entire hadron collider machine thereby interrupting (or perhaps just delaying) collection of new data on the Higgs Boson particle. 

You can read more here.

Legend has it that this event has set humanity on a new timeline.

You have to literally -break- news (what people know) to make history (what people remember), you see. 

Destruction allows the space for creation.

I'm going to write another post on what history actually is. Stay tuned.

But for now, you just need to know this: in 2012 they "discovered" the Higgs Boson particle. 

The God particle, the "physical" thing that forms every~thing* from *no~thing.

Keep in mind that the Mayans predicted the end of the world in this very same year.

Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut...............you're reading this and I'm writing this, so we're all still here.

I guess.

Living in a post-"world" earth. 

Perhaps it's proof that life is eternal.

Which is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo cool.

And if you don't believe me, check out the Mandela Effect.

Anyone legitimately remember Chic-Fil-A? Or Chik-Fil-A? 

In the 1990s?

Chyeah

And now it's Chick-Fil-A.

False memories of a previous timeline of which we are no longer a part of?

Hmm.

Yeah.

Subtle.

So anyway, here is the real tea: obviously the world ended (or the world as we knew it #REM) in December 2012. Onto a new age, we were. I was in grad school and wholly unaware at the time. 

Meanwhile, CERN was doing CERN stuff.

By the way, the earth is an electromagnet and they know that and so they're, to quote the Chainsmokers, "pushing all the limits of the tame drugs", aka colliding particles that emit tremendous amounts of energy into the universe at a subatomic level when they do these kinds of things with their big energy machine. 

To me, it may be even more impactful than a nuclear bomb because of the ripple effect outwards, but the extraterrestrials don't come comment on this one for whatever conspiratorial reason.

Maybe it's supposed to happen.

However:

Hurricanes, tsunamis...

Various "natural" disasters have occurred across oceans resulting from this unwieldy use of power.

And no "world power" kind of country has ever connected the dots to tell the Genevan council or whoever to cease and desist their little big experiments.

But weasel.

Weasel is here to save you.

Weasel is here God's plan sent here to destroy, nay, disrupt this galactic force upon humanity.

What a martyr.

What a weasel.

Sorry, Marten.
CERN says it could have been a marten.
And so the weasel's name is Marten.
Say hi.

All I'm saying is that here are some facts:

- CERN

- Weasel

- Timeline Split

Did the weasel, by interrupting a propulsion of insane magnetic electrical energies on a certain 'date', send us on some eerily more exciting and fun and creative and awesome timeline?

Is this now the stringy reality we get to be a part of because of said weasel? 

Like, did CERN have us all set up?

On the way.

To, like, their way. 

Home and ready to go (#squaredance).

But not to a world 

Or a heaven....

....that anyone really wanted, so...

Plot twist.

A weasel intervenes to send us spiraling now a new timeline of human destiny!!!!

*~*imagine*~*

Look what you just made me do.

Thank you.

Thank you, weasel. 

Thanks for getting us out of this one, you saved us!

Oh weasel, my weasel.

We didn't know you had already come and so you CAME, dear weasel.

You came for us. 

Just for us.

You died for us, dear weasel.

Weasel from heaven.

The one who thwarted, who overturned the world power in a day.

With merely a sacrifice.

Oh, dear weasel.

Savior weasel.

Jesus weasel.

I'm listening

[ok side bar - no cap - even the very word 'weasel' is looking all like a joke right now; please find this hilarious]

And so we commemorate you by changing this concept of 'our time' relative to you

Because time is fake and we're eternal so we can just call it what we like

The Year of Our Weasel

We will base every year 

Hence forth

From this year

2016

The Year of Our Weasel

And we will sign every letter

Every Decree

Post Hence

In regards to

The Year of Our Weasel

This day, this date

By Here Proclaimed

August 20th, 8th A.W.

After Weasel.

For we are in a new age.

Oh, dost thou speak of history? 

In but yet to so afore canst thou even remember?

Has no mere mortal ever intervened in the plans of God?

Ah, ye fool.

'Tis merely a flesh wound

Carry on with the theatre now, go; Go!

Can we all

Just please

Hold a moment of silence

For my poetry

...

Ok thank you

Something Else

Maybe this is the part you've all been waiting for. 

Perhaps this is the recipe part of the blog that you jumped to prior to reading the history of why I always used dried and slow-cooked garbanzo beans in hummus because they make it fluffier than using canned cannellini beans because you wanted to 

skip ahead 

but 

Look

You had to learn the lesson anyway.

Poof!

By the mere magic of words

All of the sudden

You know how to make better hummus.

The truth is that it doesn't matter if weasel intervened or not. 

The truth is the only thing that determines the future we experience is our own present consciousness.

The truth is that we are creators in this world and get to decide who we are in every moment. 

The truth is that it matters not what the government or its affiliated institutions have planned or are doing. 

The only things that matter are:

- Our intention: our "why", values, what we actually love and care about

- Our attention: our focus,  choice of actions, reactions, words, and thoughts in the present moment of awareness

Everything else, and I mean e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. else, is quite irrelevant.

The God particle that they've been looking for is in you.

It IS you.
It's always been you.

You are the creative force in your life.

Do you know what the earth is?

So here we go

If you're still waiting for some savior, political candidate, outside force, or weasel to come and make everything okay or change something to improve your life, you have placed your intention and attention away from you.

Cute, but not sustainable
Idol at best
Savior at worst

It would be wiser to redirect that energy inward and question all of your fears (misused attention) or why things beyond your control even matter so much (misused intention).

Sorry to get all serious on you, but I used to be one out here, hoping for a weasel. 

Turns out the weasel had already come, and I just had to accept that I AM the weasel and that's all I need to rob CERN of all its power.

If reality's a state of mind,

TWS

Green Lights (demo); Chainsmokers

Look What You Made Me Do; Taylor Swift

Schedules

It has come to my attention how unpleasant mornings are. 

They've always been unpleasant ever since I can remember waking up. Not in a Garfield "I hate mornings" way but in an "I just really hate having to wake up right now" kind of way. 

What can I say, I'm a dreamer. It's literally what I'm here to do.

I don't hate waking up, per say. I rather enjoy opening my pretty brown eyes to natural sunshine and birdsong. Or waking up from a really good nap. Or waking up laughing out loud from a really great dream.

But waking up like a girl, interrupted? 

Um, no. 

That's not for me. 

That might be for other people with other priorities, but that is not for me.

I would just like to point out that in order to force yourself to wake up at a time that doesn't naturally open your eyeballs, you have to set something called an "alarm". 

Just look at the language. It's so clear. What else are "alarms" used for?

Car alarms

Fire alarms

Smoke alarms

Security alarms

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*LOUD EMERGENCIES~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Having to or forcing yourself to wake up is literally alarming.

It's disturbing.

It's jarring.

It's hard to adjust because it's so off-putting.

Physically, spiritually.

You are crashing into your own brain waves instead of riding them all the way to shore like a cool kid.

But waking up naturally when your body has done its allotted amount of...

resting

healing 

dreaming

because your body knows best

When your consciousness is ready to return to this realm

With nature: the sun, the birds

It's absolutely beautiful.

Physically, spiritually.

And God said, "Let there be ease",

TWS