IDK why this town is obsessed with cutting down trees.
"Commerce"
We drove by another empty lot / deforestation project.
Me: Wonder what they're building there. Probably another shopping center. You know what they say though: If you've seen one, you've seen the mall.
*badum tss*
Fries with a side of yeet sauce,
TWS
Sunday, November 10, 2019
Thursday, October 17, 2019
Spiral Scarecase
I hear Halloween's coming up.
I don't think my house is haunted, but getting it ready to be on the market has been a little scary.
I mean, few things are more frightening than doing several home improvement tasks which require skills and knowledge I'm fairly confident I do not actually possess.
Like learning there is quite a difference between flat and eggshell.
Good thing Lowe's does refunds for paint.
*sung in the State Farm jingle*
Like a homeowner, always at Lowe's!
So let me tell a little story to you.
Once upon a time, there was a room.
It was blue. An aqua blue.
There were some chips in the blue
Where the white was coming through.
Only a few spots; not obvious or in plain view.
But I got caught up in the ol' attitude of CAN DO
And decided touching up the holes is what I'd do.
We had some old paint, including some of the blue.
There was only one can, not two.
I stirred the paint, and it matched the hue.
So I slapped it on the wall, thinking it'd look good as new.
But it went on darker; that should've been the first clue
That it wouldn't dry to match and I was screwed.
I should've stopped there, but no, I refused.
So I kept on painting with the old aqua blue.
Making it worse than an ugly tattoo.
Long story short, I guess I used bad paint and it didn't match. The aqua blue that was on the can is a custom color of mixed paint and they don't sell it anymore, so we went and got a paint sample of something that looks similar and now I'm all up in the throws trying to fix my initial disaster.
I should've never have messed with it.
Me: If these walls could talk...
Mike: They would scream.
Now I may have to repaint the whole room.
Or just the wall?
Maybe that's how accent walls became a thing.
Plebian painter who also happens to be foreign: "So I messed up and just painted the whole wall that one color to cover it up, but now we're out of paint and it's a custom color so we can't get more to match so we just have to kind of leave it."
Budget savvy real estate investor: "I like it. And I like your accent. We'll call it...an ACCENT wall!"
Could be a true story?
And how about the first two roofing companies I called today for some minor roof repair were like, "Yeah, um, okay, but we're booked for two months straight and are not able to accept your job right now."
!?!?!?!?????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!
We haven't even had a hurricane! What are you guys so busy DOING?
But perhaps I should not be so quick to criticize those with actual house skills.
Allow me to tell you one more tale of our ineptitude.
Years ago the drain in the sink in our bathroom downstairs suddenly stopped being able to hold itself up. You'd go to wash your hands, and the sink would just fill up because it was always plugged.
Afraid that we were going to have to call some plumber or pay a lot to have such a minor inconvenience fixed, we decided to look for alternative solutions.
That is, less expensive solutions.
Mike wedged a penny between the stop and the drain. The penny held the stop up so that the water would then flow freely.
We could've used a dime, but I thought- why pay 10 times more for the same thing!?
We don't need to SINK that much into it!
LOOOOOOOOOL
True story. We had it like that for years. That's some serious ROI right there.
But just recently Mike fixed it for real and didn't need to go buy anything for it.
#manstuff
Mike informed me that the penny had slid to a precarious angle, and when removing it, he came close to losing it.
That would've been money down the drain.
But over the years of being in the sink, the penny had acquired some grime and gunk. I washed it before putting it back in our coin jar. I hope that's not considered money laundering.
One more for the records:
Me: I think pressure washing dude killed my mint.
Mike: Oh no!
Me: Yeah, but it was pretty much unavoidable because it was right by the house. I would've had to, like, dug it up and moved it.
Mike: I guess it wasn't mint to be.
My hair smells like hard work and scrubbing bubbles that didn't scrub as hard as I had to,
TWS
I don't think my house is haunted, but getting it ready to be on the market has been a little scary.
I mean, few things are more frightening than doing several home improvement tasks which require skills and knowledge I'm fairly confident I do not actually possess.
Like learning there is quite a difference between flat and eggshell.
Good thing Lowe's does refunds for paint.
*sung in the State Farm jingle*
Like a homeowner, always at Lowe's!
So let me tell a little story to you.
Once upon a time, there was a room.
It was blue. An aqua blue.
There were some chips in the blue
Where the white was coming through.
Only a few spots; not obvious or in plain view.
But I got caught up in the ol' attitude of CAN DO
And decided touching up the holes is what I'd do.
We had some old paint, including some of the blue.
There was only one can, not two.
I stirred the paint, and it matched the hue.
So I slapped it on the wall, thinking it'd look good as new.
But it went on darker; that should've been the first clue
That it wouldn't dry to match and I was screwed.
I should've stopped there, but no, I refused.
So I kept on painting with the old aqua blue.
Making it worse than an ugly tattoo.
Long story short, I guess I used bad paint and it didn't match. The aqua blue that was on the can is a custom color of mixed paint and they don't sell it anymore, so we went and got a paint sample of something that looks similar and now I'm all up in the throws trying to fix my initial disaster.
I should've never have messed with it.
Me: If these walls could talk...
Mike: They would scream.
Now I may have to repaint the whole room.
Or just the wall?
Maybe that's how accent walls became a thing.
Plebian painter who also happens to be foreign: "So I messed up and just painted the whole wall that one color to cover it up, but now we're out of paint and it's a custom color so we can't get more to match so we just have to kind of leave it."
Budget savvy real estate investor: "I like it. And I like your accent. We'll call it...an ACCENT wall!"
Could be a true story?
And how about the first two roofing companies I called today for some minor roof repair were like, "Yeah, um, okay, but we're booked for two months straight and are not able to accept your job right now."
!?!?!?!?????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!
We haven't even had a hurricane! What are you guys so busy DOING?
But perhaps I should not be so quick to criticize those with actual house skills.
Allow me to tell you one more tale of our ineptitude.
Years ago the drain in the sink in our bathroom downstairs suddenly stopped being able to hold itself up. You'd go to wash your hands, and the sink would just fill up because it was always plugged.
Afraid that we were going to have to call some plumber or pay a lot to have such a minor inconvenience fixed, we decided to look for alternative solutions.
That is, less expensive solutions.
Mike wedged a penny between the stop and the drain. The penny held the stop up so that the water would then flow freely.
We could've used a dime, but I thought- why pay 10 times more for the same thing!?
We don't need to SINK that much into it!
LOOOOOOOOOL
True story. We had it like that for years. That's some serious ROI right there.
But just recently Mike fixed it for real and didn't need to go buy anything for it.
#manstuff
Mike informed me that the penny had slid to a precarious angle, and when removing it, he came close to losing it.
That would've been money down the drain.
But over the years of being in the sink, the penny had acquired some grime and gunk. I washed it before putting it back in our coin jar. I hope that's not considered money laundering.
One more for the records:
Me: I think pressure washing dude killed my mint.
Mike: Oh no!
Me: Yeah, but it was pretty much unavoidable because it was right by the house. I would've had to, like, dug it up and moved it.
Mike: I guess it wasn't mint to be.
My hair smells like hard work and scrubbing bubbles that didn't scrub as hard as I had to,
TWS
Wednesday, September 18, 2019
Thursday, July 25, 2019
This Just In
The generic Wal-Mart brand of Doritos Cool Ranch chips are called Glacier Ranch.
Therefore, we will be using the word "glacier" instead of the word "cool" in our every day vernacular.
Examples:
I am listening to this really glacier song.
That was really unglacier of you to say that.
The church air conditioning keeps the sanctuary so glacier.
It's going to be thing. It will add spice and life to your conversations.
Just use it once and feel the yeet spring forth from your bones.
Stay glacier.
TWS
Therefore, we will be using the word "glacier" instead of the word "cool" in our every day vernacular.
Examples:
I am listening to this really glacier song.
That was really unglacier of you to say that.
The church air conditioning keeps the sanctuary so glacier.
It's going to be thing. It will add spice and life to your conversations.
Just use it once and feel the yeet spring forth from your bones.
Stay glacier.
TWS
Wednesday, July 10, 2019
People Living in Hamburg are Hamburgers
You ever back-talk to your microwave?
Like, I am standing right here. There is no reason for you to beep so loud for so long.
Also, thank you for cooking my food.
TWS
Like, I am standing right here. There is no reason for you to beep so loud for so long.
Also, thank you for cooking my food.
TWS
Friday, April 12, 2019
Tax Season
I've been into roasting chicken and vegetables recently. It's pretty much like making your own multi-vitamin but actually tasty and way easier to swallow. I add chicken for protein, and it comes out fantastic.
This one has sweet potato, corn, zucchini, yellow squash, red onion, carrot, and red bell pepper.
Plus chicken, seasoned with garlic, garlic pepper, and garlic salt.
I think I might like garlic.
Roast at 375 degrees for 30 min.
Mike enjoys these simple dishes, too, so he was making some eggs and we were brainstorming other vegetables we could put in these dishes for some more color and variety.
After all, vegetables make you pretty. ;)
The most interesting adds we came up with turned out to not be vegetables at all, but plantains and beans. We're going to the store later to pick up some plantains, and I started soaking kidney beans because I had some really old dry ones in my pantry that you have to soak overnight.
And let me tell you guys, this whole soak thing is creeping me out.
Like, what are they DOING in there?
I understand that they have to expand a little bit to be able to cook, but why are they so wrinkly?!?!?
Is it because they are so old!?!?!?
Also, did you know that raw kidney beans have a high amount of phytohemagglutinin (pronounced like putting your tongue between your teeth and blowing) that is actually toxic?
There is a bowl of POISONOUS BEANS on my counter!
And they look like shrivelling whoopee cushions that later in life might produce a similar sound!
AMAZING!
I also made some taco sauce.
Different from salsa.
Much easier and you don't need a blender.
Have you guys seen my soundcloud page?
If you're wondering what happened with the picture at the top, let me explain how the Soundcloud banner pictures are even worse than the Facebook banner pictures. Since I only discovered the picture's inadequacy after uploading and my photographer was already all the way back down the stairs, I settled for leaving my head chopped off and then taking my cropped face as the profile picture.
So it's a bit odd and quirky, but it works.
There are only a couple songs out there right now. They were relatively easy to mix since it was just acoustic guitar and voice.
My plan this spring/summer is to upload songs as I finish them and mix them. My "goal" - dare I say it - is one track release per week until all complete songs I have written since August 2017 are available.
When the start date of this "goal" is unknown. We gotta see how things shake out after I turn 28.
o.O
So I'm going to go ahead and leave that goal start date ambiguous.
It's not a SMART goal yet.
Just a SMAR goal.
I also want to put lyrics and explanations on this blog to answer any questions like, "what is she saying there?" or "what does that mean?" or "what the what what?"
They won't be blog posts, but rather "pages" because blogspot has such a thing.
And that is a small portion of all with which up to what I have been.
Hippity hoppity Schedule E property,
TWS
 |
| Seasons greetings |
This one has sweet potato, corn, zucchini, yellow squash, red onion, carrot, and red bell pepper.
Plus chicken, seasoned with garlic, garlic pepper, and garlic salt.
I think I might like garlic.
Roast at 375 degrees for 30 min.
Mike enjoys these simple dishes, too, so he was making some eggs and we were brainstorming other vegetables we could put in these dishes for some more color and variety.
After all, vegetables make you pretty. ;)
The most interesting adds we came up with turned out to not be vegetables at all, but plantains and beans. We're going to the store later to pick up some plantains, and I started soaking kidney beans because I had some really old dry ones in my pantry that you have to soak overnight.
And let me tell you guys, this whole soak thing is creeping me out.
 |
| Eating seeds as a pastime activity |
Like, what are they DOING in there?
I understand that they have to expand a little bit to be able to cook, but why are they so wrinkly?!?!?
Is it because they are so old!?!?!?
Also, did you know that raw kidney beans have a high amount of phytohemagglutinin (pronounced like putting your tongue between your teeth and blowing) that is actually toxic?
There is a bowl of POISONOUS BEANS on my counter!
And they look like shrivelling whoopee cushions that later in life might produce a similar sound!
AMAZING!
I also made some taco sauce.
Different from salsa.
Much easier and you don't need a blender.
Have you guys seen my soundcloud page?
If you're wondering what happened with the picture at the top, let me explain how the Soundcloud banner pictures are even worse than the Facebook banner pictures. Since I only discovered the picture's inadequacy after uploading and my photographer was already all the way back down the stairs, I settled for leaving my head chopped off and then taking my cropped face as the profile picture.
So it's a bit odd and quirky, but it works.
 |
| Just like me |
There are only a couple songs out there right now. They were relatively easy to mix since it was just acoustic guitar and voice.
My plan this spring/summer is to upload songs as I finish them and mix them. My "goal" - dare I say it - is one track release per week until all complete songs I have written since August 2017 are available.
When the start date of this "goal" is unknown. We gotta see how things shake out after I turn 28.
o.O
So I'm going to go ahead and leave that goal start date ambiguous.
It's not a SMART goal yet.
Just a SMAR goal.
I also want to put lyrics and explanations on this blog to answer any questions like, "what is she saying there?" or "what does that mean?" or "what the what what?"
They won't be blog posts, but rather "pages" because blogspot has such a thing.
And that is a small portion of all with which up to what I have been.
 |
| Corner office |
Hippity hoppity Schedule E property,
TWS
Thursday, March 28, 2019
Little Yellow Tags
Today, Mike and I were at Dollar General buying facial tissues.
There was a pack of 4 boxes for 75 sheets each for $3.50.
And then there was a big box of 200 for $1.50.
At first glance, the big box seems like the better buy, but the price tags had done some sneaky arithmetic.
In the 4 pack, it boasted .3 cents a sheet.
For the big box, it said .7 cents a sheet.
So there we stood, doing maths to confirm the better buy.
Mike surmised that the .3 calculation was taking 4 x 300 sheets instead of 300 sheets in total.
One could easily see that two boxes of 200 was $3.00 instead of 4 boxes of 75 for $3.50.
The lesson here is to not always believe the little yellow tags.
Question everything.
Be skeptical.
Parnoid, even.
Stay woke.
Because you know what happens when you read the words but don't do the math?
Dupage.
Dupage ensues.
That's a line in one of my songs. Not dupage, but the part about reading words and doing the math.
Basic skillz. Long term impact. That sort of theme.
Like, one time in Kroger, Mike and I were milling around the meat department.
It was probably a Friday night because we used to go to the grocery store for a hot date.
You know, nothing like a hot date in the frozen section.
At the end of one of those tubular open freezer sections that houses prepackaged fish and turkey parts, there were several 2 lb packages of Perdue chicken breasts.
With little yellow tags.
Interest = piqued.
I looked closer.
Breath = bated.
Manger special.
They had marked down the price from $3.99 a pound to $.99 a pound.
I couldn't believe my eyes.
I was so skeptical like a regular ol' doubting Thomas of Kroger.
The chicken gospel was such a good deal, I just couldn't believe.
Why weren't the other customers flocking to this area?
Why was there any discounted chicken left?
I took one of the packages in hand, marched to the closest butcher/doctor (they both wear white coats) and asked something like, "Um, excuse me. Hi. Hello. Is this for real?"
And he smiled and said yes. And then in true Jansen fashion, I walked praying-mantis style back to the section and proceeded to pile 6 of the packages in our cart.
It might have been 8.
But man, did that feel like a win.
I think it must similar to the rush that shoplifters feel after a successful heist.
I need to go check the mail.
No mail.
Another thing that Dollar General did today was turn their bargain bin into just...a bin.
Seriously.
They had some deodorant with, wait for it- little yellow tags - for $5.
And you go to the deodorant aisle, and there is the same product, sans little yellow tag, for the very same price.
Sidebar:
How is it that in a culture of heightened gender equality awareness kerfuffle, no one talks about the price discrepancy in gender specific products? Everyone loves to jump on the "women make $.75 on the dollar than men do" claim, but no one is talking about how women's products are marked up at least 50% more than men's.
Old spice deodorant? $2.35
Secret deodorant? $5
True story.
I mean, those are the 2 best smelling deodorants, so that's all that matters.
I'll be walking around sweating and smelling like a teenage boy just to save some cash.
Anyway, I was disheartened by the lack of bargain in such a bin.
Cat food? 50 cents? Oh, well, great, because that's normal price.
All the bin was, really, was where an associate noticed a misplaced item in store, took object to where item should have been, put the price on a little yellow tag, and then re-located the item to the "CLEARANCE" section.
Oh, the dupage.
It's like the time Goodwill employees started noticing high-end products in their inventory. Instead of pricing them at thrift store value like the thrift store they are, they have the audacity to mark those items above and beyond the normal pricing.
Why would I even bother with the store if I'm going to buy a secondhand product for a firsthand price?
I'm not sure if they do it to make more money or just to crush the spirit of us snip-lovers.
Snip is the British term for "steal" or a "good deal".
And Sniply adds your custom call-to-action to any page on the web, allowing you to engage your followers through every link you share.
Sniply sniply!
So stay woke friends, comrades, and fellow bargain shoppers.
Stay woke.
Also, since we shaved Sam, we're really starting to question his gender.
What if he's been Samantha this whole time,
TWS
There was a pack of 4 boxes for 75 sheets each for $3.50.
And then there was a big box of 200 for $1.50.
At first glance, the big box seems like the better buy, but the price tags had done some sneaky arithmetic.
In the 4 pack, it boasted .3 cents a sheet.
For the big box, it said .7 cents a sheet.
So there we stood, doing maths to confirm the better buy.
Mike surmised that the .3 calculation was taking 4 x 300 sheets instead of 300 sheets in total.
One could easily see that two boxes of 200 was $3.00 instead of 4 boxes of 75 for $3.50.
The lesson here is to not always believe the little yellow tags.
Question everything.
Be skeptical.
Parnoid, even.
Stay woke.
Because you know what happens when you read the words but don't do the math?
Dupage.
Dupage ensues.
That's a line in one of my songs. Not dupage, but the part about reading words and doing the math.
Basic skillz. Long term impact. That sort of theme.
Like, one time in Kroger, Mike and I were milling around the meat department.
It was probably a Friday night because we used to go to the grocery store for a hot date.
You know, nothing like a hot date in the frozen section.
At the end of one of those tubular open freezer sections that houses prepackaged fish and turkey parts, there were several 2 lb packages of Perdue chicken breasts.
With little yellow tags.
Interest = piqued.
I looked closer.
Breath = bated.
Manger special.
They had marked down the price from $3.99 a pound to $.99 a pound.
I couldn't believe my eyes.
I was so skeptical like a regular ol' doubting Thomas of Kroger.
The chicken gospel was such a good deal, I just couldn't believe.
Why weren't the other customers flocking to this area?
Why was there any discounted chicken left?
I took one of the packages in hand, marched to the closest butcher/doctor (they both wear white coats) and asked something like, "Um, excuse me. Hi. Hello. Is this for real?"
And he smiled and said yes. And then in true Jansen fashion, I walked praying-mantis style back to the section and proceeded to pile 6 of the packages in our cart.
It might have been 8.
But man, did that feel like a win.
I think it must similar to the rush that shoplifters feel after a successful heist.
I need to go check the mail.
No mail.
Another thing that Dollar General did today was turn their bargain bin into just...a bin.
Seriously.
They had some deodorant with, wait for it- little yellow tags - for $5.
And you go to the deodorant aisle, and there is the same product, sans little yellow tag, for the very same price.
Sidebar:
How is it that in a culture of heightened gender equality awareness kerfuffle, no one talks about the price discrepancy in gender specific products? Everyone loves to jump on the "women make $.75 on the dollar than men do" claim, but no one is talking about how women's products are marked up at least 50% more than men's.
Old spice deodorant? $2.35
Secret deodorant? $5
True story.
I mean, those are the 2 best smelling deodorants, so that's all that matters.
I'll be walking around sweating and smelling like a teenage boy just to save some cash.
Anyway, I was disheartened by the lack of bargain in such a bin.
Cat food? 50 cents? Oh, well, great, because that's normal price.
All the bin was, really, was where an associate noticed a misplaced item in store, took object to where item should have been, put the price on a little yellow tag, and then re-located the item to the "CLEARANCE" section.
Oh, the dupage.
It's like the time Goodwill employees started noticing high-end products in their inventory. Instead of pricing them at thrift store value like the thrift store they are, they have the audacity to mark those items above and beyond the normal pricing.
Why would I even bother with the store if I'm going to buy a secondhand product for a firsthand price?
I'm not sure if they do it to make more money or just to crush the spirit of us snip-lovers.
Snip is the British term for "steal" or a "good deal".
And Sniply adds your custom call-to-action to any page on the web, allowing you to engage your followers through every link you share.
Sniply sniply!
So stay woke friends, comrades, and fellow bargain shoppers.
Stay woke.
Also, since we shaved Sam, we're really starting to question his gender.
What if he's been Samantha this whole time,
TWS
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