Ire

That's a good crossword puzzle book word right there.

You know how spontaneous people spin a globe, point at a place, and wherever their finger lands, they go on vacation?
That's how I think some of my clients do bookkeeping.

*simulation*
Them: Today I bought some stamps. Where do I put this expense? In the "stamps" category? No- that's way too logical. Let me just put it right here in "repairs & maintenance" with a memo that says "stamps" so that people know what it is.

True.
Story.

Like how they put casual labor and business gifts into the "charity" account.
Or how every time they borrow money from one store, they create yet another account to reconcile to instead of just using the same one.

On my To-do list for today, I put:
Work on (client name) until it gets boring.
Because I can only take so much of the frivolity at one time.

Of course, it doesn't help that they have 3 different people keeping the books for this place.
It's times like these where I wish I could just be a freelance bookkeeper. Just be like- ok- you guys focus on your business. Whatever that may be. By the character of your "customer relations" account, it may be buying expensive meat for all I know. And then every time you get or receive money, write down where it came from or where it went to.

And I could do the rest.

No need for inexperienced workers using accounting software, putting things haphazardly into who knows where.

For instance, an expense account called "raise".
LIKE WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE!??!?!

Seeing an inefficient process and not being able to fix it inflicts pain and suffering on the INTJ-ness inside of me.

Above all, though, I really hate that they don't make my adjusting journal entries.
I make them out of the goodness of my heart! They're like cookies! JUST EAT THEM!
Every month (or period of time when they feel like e-mailing me), I get a file that's just as messed up as the one before it. And every month, I have to make the same entries just so my eyes will stop bleeding.

Why are they even paying me if they're not going to take my suggestions?

*LONG LABORIOUS SIGH*

Ok. I'm done.
Did you hear I'm averaging an A on my CPA exams?
REG - 88
AUD - 92
BEC - 90
Almost there, guys.

I still get those stupid butterflies,
TWS

Everything You Do; He Is We

Laundry

I wonder if people with shorter legs spend less time shaving.

Bedtime,
TWS

Chills, Frills, and Thrills

Yesterday, I did a bunch of stuff that I don't normally do on a weekday.

First, Mike and I went to the mall.
This reason was two fold. Mike had to get some Drake jeans.

"What are Drake jeans?"

I'm so glad you asked.

From the game Uncharted, this is Nathan Drake:

And he has some bad-ass jeans.

Oh, look, it's Mike/Drake and Allie/Elena:

Because, um, we kind of look like them. Minus guns.

The second reason was that I had coupon for free panties.

And you just don't pass up a coupon for free panties.

But, oh, the torture at what they make you go through for free panties!

There's the glaring lights. And the blaring music.
It's like some perv's 56th birthday party or something.
And then there's the over-enthusiastic workers that will always ALWAYS find you and always ALWAYS ask you if you're "finding everything okay".

"Yeah...um...I'm just here for the free stuff..."

And the way they display the underwear is the weirdest. Most of it isn't on top of tables and platforms like every other lingerie department in the mall. You know- visible? They put into these fashionable little drawers, so when you're "shopping", you really look like you're rummaging through someone's panties drawer.

You feel like you're rummaging through someone else's panties.
It's WEIRD.

Especially if you can't find your size. Then it's rummage, rummage, rummage, feel self-conscious because then everyone's walking around watching you rummage, sweat, rummage, rummage, give up, walk around until other people leave, continue to rummage...

Then, finally, you decide on a pair and head to checkout.
Oh no. The line is long.
So then you wait, trying to avoid eye contact. Trying to ignore the arguments behind you about what bra size she wears. Hurry up hurry up hurry up.

"I can take the next person."

At last! I get to put these in a bag and leave!
And then they ask the incriminating question, "You don't want to get a bra and save $10 today?"

Nah. Because I don't consider $10 off a $52 bra a "sale".

Of course, this makes me look like a total tool, but if this really bothered them, then they'd stop sending me free panty coupons.
And I do buy stuff.
But I do it online.
Alone.
In the dark.
Because that is the only rational way to shop for underwear.

So I finally emerge from the underpants palace and meet up with Mike, who, like any gender-conscious male, stayed outside during my panty escapade.

Was it worth it?

"An $11.50 value."

I also watched "Clueless" last night. It was actually one of the best movies I've seen in a while.
Er- pretty much the only movie I've seen in a while.
But genuinely entertaining nonetheless.
Next on my list: Breakfast Club because I somehow still haven't seen that.

The room's hush-hush and now is our moment,
TWS

All About Us; He is We

Pinspiration

For the past week or so, I've been living in a lifeless fog.
Life got so dull, I didn't want to sew or play guitar or color lampreys or do all the little Allie things I would normally delight in doing.
My right ear was ringing all day Sunday.
Mike said I should answer it.

But then suddenly, there was Project Runway.
And I watched two episodes.
And now I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

inspired.

The challenge in the latest episode that I watched was to make a piece (to describe frozen yogurt) from the material of carnival prizes. Like fur, cheap plastic, sombreros, etc.
And they actually made pretty awesome stuff.

So I thought that if they can make pretty good stuff out of not good stuff, then maybe I can make better stuff out of good stuff.

Like this for example:

It's a good piece, and it's very well made. However, I only recall really wearing it somewhere once, and I got a lot of compliments...on my hair. But I REALLY like the color and its satin-iness.

So what I'd really like to do is turn it into something like this instead:

The top right salmon colored one ^ 

See what I'm doing?

I'm creating my own challenges!!!!

Project Runway? More like Project FUN PLAY!!!!

One thing Project Runway has taught me is that I don't have nearly enough jackets or pants.

And by "jackets", I don't mean cardigans, and by "pants", I don't mean jeans. 

Because, yes, I have plenty of those.

Project Runway also teaches me how to sound like a total prick when talking about clothes.

Oh, excuse me, garments. 

Make sure you use the word "chic". It's not a sentence unless you use the word "chic" somewhere in it.

But back to the pants thing: I really want to make a pair of mini pants. 

This will be a challenge because my butt has grown like the Grinch's heart in the past year.

Upside down hearts kind of even look like butts.

And my two attempts at making shorts have rendered them unwearable.

SAD. FACE.

I've discovered that a lot of my tops look good with only skinny jeans (and I can totally rock some skinny jeans), but I can't rock them at work.

Because, you know, jeans.

So if I could make a nice pair or two or fourteen of tailored slacks, I think I will have accomplished everything I need to in this life.

Side note: I love the word "tailored". 

It's such a fascinating little word.

It's kind of scary how well-made the women's pants are that the guys make. I'm always like howdidyoujustdothat?????

But what's even more frightening is how some of the guys wear heels.

I am so not kidding.

Moving on.

As far as the jacket concept, I'd really like to make a few to turn my spaghetti-strapped sundresses into "structured" "urban" "pieces".

See what I did there? I was talking like Zac Posen.

So I would like to work these mis-fitting mishaps into something like this.
Because that would be posh and sophisticated. And don't forget chic!

What I need are goals. And a dressmaker's dummy.
This list is more for me than it is for you, but you can keep reading (as if you wouldn't?!?!!?).

1. Make the plum dress I'm currently working on fit as well as the grey one does
2. Turn the green satin dress into a cool skirt.
3. Turn the pencil skirt and agenda dress into something WEARABLE. Even being a contrast fabric in something else would be a step up.
4. Make a really cool pair of mini pants/cigarette pants/skinny trousers.
4a. Find a pattern that understands the difference between mini pants and leggings
4b. Compare that pattern to pants you already have.
4c. Buy nice, dark navy fabric that is recommended.
4d. Wash the freaking fabric before you freaking sew.
5. Make another dress like the Little Big Planet dress because I've worn it so much it's almost got holes in it. Maybe in a coral color this time. Or that dark black and blue rayon.

And then goals for further on down the road:
1. Make your own pattern pieces
2. Authentically design, make and wear your own clothes
3. Don't audition for Project Runway.

Because there is no way in you-know-where that I could take criticism well on national television.
Or share a room with a bunch of girls.
*shudder*

When I walk into a room, I do not light it up,
TWS

Demons; The National

Baskenette

I want so badly to wash these pants.
But I'm afraid if I do, they will never be as comfortable as they are right now.

Yo-yo,
TWS