Firequirks

Am I the only one that doesn't see the obsession people have with Starbucks coffee?

I know I'm going out quite on a far, far limb here with a lot of people.
Like- a lot a lot of people.
But I don't get it.
An over-priced sub-par coffee in a cup with my name misspelled on it?
Awesome. I know exactly why I paid $4 for this.

It's like the same obsession that people have with Apple products.
Once loyal, forever-to-the-end-of-death-even-if-it's-an-inferior-product loyal.
Despite-their-stupid-iPhone5-commercials-with-that-annoying-guy-and-all-the-ballerina-kids-where-he-says-cheeeeeeese-in-a-really-terrible-voice-and-spins-around-to-get-a-panoramic-picture. Loyal.

But wait.
Let me guess.
Your coffee doesn't get viruses.

So I'm sitting there with my iPad last night.
Hey, I feel like watching some Netflix.
Note: I watched Netflix on my iPad the night before.
So I open the app, and it wants me to install this new app.

Typical.

So I go to install the new app, and it "requires iOS5" which is Apple love language for HAHA UR SYSTEM IS SOOOOOOOO OLD IT FARTS DUST LOLOLOL.

My iPad has become NEGATIVELY useful.
I mean, it wasn't useful before. It was just a substitute for something better.

But now? My iPad and me?

We might as well be strangers in another town.
We might as well be living in another time.
#keane

In other news, my boss asked me if I had any plans for tonight.
Tonight = New Year's Eve
My reply = Sleeping

Did I seriously just say that?
I'm either the most boring person or the most pragmatic.
And you kids would straight up murder me if I told you how much sleep I got this weekend.

I wish I could bank sleep.
Store it.
Earn interest on it.
Save it for when I really need it and can't have it.
Business Idea #...oh wait. That one's actually impossible.

If I had an actual New Year's party to go to, I might.

You: Might? What? OMG, Allie, you love parties/dressing up/drinks/counting!

Yeah, but it's New Year's and it's cold, and the only one I really want to spend New Year's with is right here in my living room...installing...something.  And I honestly think hanging out with him is more fun than some crazy party.

I miss summer. And my long hair.

Something amazing is going to happen in 2013.
I just know it.

With the sun in your eyes and on your own,
TWS

Eyelashes

I'm going to make a New Year's resolution to never make a New Year's resolution.

Done!

Because a healthy, cliche list of new year's resolutions is lame and doesn't get accomplished.

"Be more kind and loving."
"Smile at someone every day."
"Lose 10 pounds."
"Eat healthier."

A list of crap I'm actually going to do in 2013 will not be lame and will get accomplished.

1. Grow out my hair to be long again.
2. Pass the CPA exam.
3. Reward myself for passing the CPA exam.
4. Enjoy steady employment.

Me: Do you think I act my age?
Mike: Well, you still laugh at the word 'poo'--
Me: HAHAHAHAAAAAAAA POOO!!!!!!!!!! DOODOO!!!!!!!!!
Mike: So there's your answer.

Youth's the most unfaithful mistress,
TWS

Beard

I have pictures and true stories.

We stayed at one of the worst hotels ever.
Let me rephrase that.
We stayed at one of the worst valued hotels ever.
You may think that $199 a night would include the normal amenities that a normal $199 a night hotel would have. But it wanted to charge us separately for everything and disclose this information in a really tiny place.
For example, we got in from our 5.5 hour drive and found some water waiting for us.
Awesome! Water!

If only Admiral Ackbar had been there to warn us.

It was a $4 per bottle trap.
And we didn't find out until today.

So then we were all tired and just wanted to chill with some Netflix and How I Met Your Mother.

Only we come to find out that the internet costs $9.95 every 24 hours.

Like ARE YOU SERIOUS.
This hotel doesn't have free WiFi OR a continental breakfast and it's $199 a night?
WHAT except the extremely comfortable king sized bed ARE WE PAYING FOR?

And on top of all that, they were rewiring all the elevators, so it took forever to get down from the sixth floor because the elevators would go up and down and up and down and back up again before they went back down.

Mike and I would joke about all the other things they might charge us for.
Oh, you used the little shampoo and conditioner? That'll be $2.00. Each.
And then they claimed to be a "green" hotel trying to recycle and do laundry less and what not, so we joked about that, too.
We have it on record that you used the lamps instead of the natural lighting. There will be an extra $25 added to your final bill.

Don't worry. We didn't pay $199 a night.
And we are never ever going back to a Sheraton.

Also, while I'm in whining mode, let me say that women are ridiculous.
Everywhere we went, there was like this huge line for the women's restroom while the guys were able to go in and out like as freely as oxygen can pass between the phospho-lipid bilayer of a cell membrane.

(Does anyone understand that simile? #APbiologyFTW)

But the women were taking FOREVER. Gas stations, restaurants, rest areas, restrooms, pretty much any place with the word 'rest' in it. I was really wishing I was a guy just so I wouldn't have so much bathroom traffic.
Geez.
Thank goodness football is a men's game. The ladies room was perfectly acceptable at the stadium.

Ah, the stadium:

I KNOW, RIGHT?
It made me want to be a Buccaneer's fan just by looking at all the pirate scenery.
Hoist the flags, ready the krewe, fire the cannons.
They fired cannons every time the buccaneers scored.
Which wasn't much (haha- burn), but there were fireworks, guys, FIREWORKS.

And we got first row seats.

And sunburns.
But it was so cool. I know you have no clue who the Rams are, but after having Mike yell and scream every Sunday at these guys, I began to feel a personal connection with them.

So when Johnny Hekker, the punter, is standing right there in front of you...

It's: OMG JOHNNY HEKKER IS STANDING RIGHT THERE!!!!

<whining>
I don't like cheerleaders. At all.
</whining>

And, I'm probably doing this "without the NFL's consent", but I know how you all love a good video.

So here's a video of a touchdown:

Yes, that is Mike going "LET'S GO SAM!!!!! YES SIR!!!!!!! WOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TOUCHDOWN!!!!!!!!!!!"

He told me not to post that, but I'm already breaking rules, so why not.

Before the game:

After the game:

#prayerworks

And I have one final story to tell.

Saturday night, we checked into the hotel late afternoon, and then we decided to go eat. Neither of us were craving anything in particular, so we just wanted to window shop to see what we felt like eating.

Chili's? No. Steak & Shake? No. Taco Bell? No.

It's like we couldn't decide on anything. 

And then I was like, "I kind of feel like pizza."

We drove on this road that must have been 5-10 miles long filled with restaurants, nude bars, and equipment rental places. Mike was skeptical of food places that he didn't know, but I wanted pizza, so I suggest that we stop into a little place that said "PIZZA" on it that was part of the plaza. 

Mike: "No, no. That looks sketchy. I don't want to eat there. What if you get food poisoning?"

Me: "I don't care. I want pizza. And you know places that specialize in just PIZZA are the best. You know- like just a slice of this nice, greasy, New York style pizza oozing in cheese with pepperoni all fallin' off... And then I'll get a salad at Wendy's."

Mike: "Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine. Look for it."

So we turn around and start heading back this smorgasbord of restaurants, nude bars, and equipment rental places. 

I looked for it everywhere, but I could not find my sketchy "PIZZA" place!! And before I knew it, we were back at the beginning of the road.

Mike wanted me to settle for something else, but at this point, I had made too much of a deal about this pizza place that I saw and I was determined to find it.

Poor Mike for putting up with me.

So we're creeping along for the third time on this road looking for this little place. We finally find it again and park at Firehouse subs because this place was even too small for its own parking.

We go in, and it turned out to be this nice, humble little homemade Italian pizza joint with pizza for $1.67 a slice. 

"Paci's Pizza" it was.

They led us to a table, and we looked over the menu and decided to stop our arduous search and eat there.

So I got my big, ol' greasy slice of pizza.

It was so huge, they had to bring it out spread across two paper plates.

And then I got this huge, I mean HUGE salad.

It came in one of those big deep 16'' diameter metal bowls we used to feed the dogs with.

I crap you not.

Meanwhile, Mike orders a "roll" which is apparently "like a stromboli except rolled less times".

Whatever that means.

That was also about 16 inches long, and he absolutely loved it.

Mike: "I take back everything *gulp* I said about this place."

In my experience, hole-in-the-wall restaurants are the best kind. Chicago- awesome taco place; New York- awesome Chinese place; Tampa Bay- awesome pizza place. They're family run, and though they may lack in ample seating room, they make up for it in taste (and also price). 

So that was the trip. We got little souvenir Tampa Bay Buccaneer ornaments when we got to the game.

I'm going to go hang them on the tree we don't have.

Merry Christmas, from us.

Can't wait to say "from the Harshners",

TWS

Espy

How did I ever forget about Autosum?

Σ,
TWS

Stegosaurus

I'm so glad the 1099-MISC has a box just for "fishing boat proceeds".
Otherwise, I wouldn't know where to put them.

Oooooh...you can like *feel* the sarcasm right there.

So how about Mike and I are a Nielsen Family now?
We got the box in the mail with 2 cool dollars in it.
I was filling out the survey and they were like, "Have you ever heard of the Nielsen company before?"
I checked "yes" and wrote next to it because of Family Guy.
Because that's a true story.

Today's discussion: credit cards.

I applied for one last week and got an anorexic envelope in the mail today with the much feared,
"Not enough accounts opened long enough to establish a credit history."

And you know how like people are all, "Credit card companies target college students."
This is a lie.
A DAMNABLE LIE.
I have tried and tried and tried to get a credit card, but it's like getting a job.
Nobody wants you unless you have experience.
But somehow flippant, irresponsible 20 somethings are able to get them.
I guess they know people.

Anyway, I guess I'll "establish" myself with a "starter card" and get no "cash back".

It's just that they really shouldn't make commercials with blue electric guitars so catchy.
Disappointed Allie is disappointed.

<spontaneity>

Dear ^.^ or :3 or <._.>,
I miss you!
And you never sent me the link to the program we made.
Sincerely,
BAI 8015
P.S. I really hope you understood that.

</spontaneity.>

Yesterday, there was no legal paper in the printer.
But I couldn't find any in storage, so I took some legal paper out of another printer.
Is that considered stealing?
Did it become illegal paper?

...

That was so bad it was good.

In Soviet Russia, dinner has you,
TWS

Clothespins

"Take a deep breath and you walk through the doors; it's the morning of your very first day."
-Taylor Swift

And that's the only part of that song that really applies here.
Except maybe the "La la la la la" part.

My first day was awesome.
And my office is awesome.
And the green tea that I bought from the Dollar Tree is awesome.
(seriously- 80 bags of tea-y goodness for $1)

But most of all, I like what I do.
Today, I got to reconcile some bank statements.
Do you know how unbelievably life-fulfilling that is?
No?
Ok. Well, you're not me and that's understandable because no one's me-er than me according to Dr. Seuss.
But the best part about my job is...my job.
And that's a win.

However, I do have a public service announcement for Savannah drivers:

TO SAVANNAH DRIVERS COLON

YOU WERE BEING SO GOOD DOWNTOWN STOP YOU WERE MOVING AND YOU WERE SO WONDERFUL STOP AND THEN YOU GOT ON THE INTERSTATE AND GOT RETARDED STOP AND I AM NOT USING THE WORD RETARDED IN A DEROGATORY SENSE STOP YOU WERE SERIOUSLY BEING SLOW STOP STOP BEING SO SLOW STOP STOP IT STOP

Ok. We're good.
Until tomorrow at 5:45.

I think it'd be cool to make a workout program called Pontius Pilates. It would be like having an ancient Roman governor for your personal trainer.
Or like Richard Simmons being a Roman governor.
Don't you even think about doing less butt crunches than suggested.

Mike: You weren't planning on going anywhere tonight, right?
Me: Right. Unless, you know, duty called.
Mike: Who's duty?

"Explosive touchdowns" sounds way more exciting than it really is,
TWS

Culmination

Today is my last day of school.
Ever.

I feel like I should be more excited about this than I am.
I guess I'm finally achieving that "stoicism" I've been talking about.

But I have a victory song.

AND YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO IT.
RIGHT NOW.

What is it worth, what is it worth
Have you given up on freedom
You spent your life earning the keys to set you free
When you were free all along

Comma The Whimsical Scribbler,
TWS

Company

Here's a piece of advice: never say yes to a dirty martini.

I know it may seem like a good idea.
(A new drink where you can act like Blair Waldorf drinking it.)
But JUST. SAY. NO.

Mike and I went to a Christmas party.

I really do wear clothes to events like this, I promise.

See?

Upon our arrival, they offered us two drink tickets each. 

Mike got a 7&7 and I got a fruity juicy vodka thing. Something Bruce from IT recommended. 

I was feeling...twirly.

And it was delicious.

Later I was ready for something different.

Now- something about these open bars is that you have to have back up drinks.

For example, if you want an amaretto sour and they don't have any amaretto, you gotta go to plan 2 and get something that they do have.

So in my mind, I was like, "Ok. Margarita. Then whiskey sour. And then 7&7 if nothing else."

And then for some reason when it came my turn, I asked for a martini.

The bartender was like, "Now I can't do anything fancy like apple or whatever; I can only do a dirty martini."

Me: "That's fine."

Vodka and olive juice.

THE worst drink I have ever tasted.

With every sip it got worse and worse, just like wine.

I said, "Mike, I'll give you $20 if you can finish this."

Mike: "Do I have to eat the olives at the bottom?"

Me: "No."

He could barely down one sip of it.

This was terrible, guys. I was so upset that I had wasted my last drink ticket.

Haha. Wasted.

So then we had a dinner, walked around, took pictures, looked at the karaoke list.

Trudy: Karaoke is Japanese for "empty orchestra".

Ted: That's hauntingly beautiful.

Mike gave me his other drink ticket and I ordered a cosmopolitan.
I don't know if it tasted good just because I just hated the martini so much or if it was actually a good drink.
Anyhow, cosmo = new fav drink.

We talked with his boss, danced to a slow song and left.
It was pretty chill. It's hard to party hard with older people that you don't know.
At all.
Then Mike and I walked around downtown Savannah so that I could show him my new firm.
And there it was. Hidden in the middle of the block.
Mike: "Wow. You really do work at Platform nine and three quarters."

So that was the event of the weekend.
Remember: Dirty martinis can happen to anyone.
But don't let them happen to you.

Now, it's about to get really cute in here.

Are you ready for this?

I don't think you're ready for this.

OH MY GOODNESS!!!!

Kitties are just paws and jaws,
TWS

If you're out there

Dear You,

Yes, you.
It wasn't about you.

And I miss my friend.

Downtown Savannah is nothing like Cincinnati,
TWS

Permanent Markers

Well, I'm done working out.
Guess it's time to go put the Ragu and peanut butter back in the pantry.
(those are what I use for weights)
There's a fine line between resourcefulness and laziness.

Banana time.

I actually broke down and bought Apple stock today.
Just 2 shares.
Here's to hoping it returns to its pretentious $700/share soon.
*clinks glasses together because I blog alone*

I woke up today and thought, "Man, I want a tuna sandwich today."
So I made one.
And then I made a perfect hard-boiled egg, chopped it up, put it on the sandwich.
Paprika!
Pepper!
Lettuce!
So good.

I totally skipped class today.
I usually do this once a semester.
Justification/rationalization: I'm not going to drive 45 minutes to review a list of topics I can review on my own and drive 45 minutes back.
#sleptin
#savedgasmoney
#spentthattimestudying

Last time I was home, I helped decorate for Christmas.
Dad came in from the shop, and Mum asked, "Do you want to help decorate?"
He said, "No; it looks like you've guys got it. Allie's even added my special touches."

 The mantelpiece:

Candle holders, rearranged:

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas,

TWS

Lists

This is a list of men's apparel that I abhor:
1. Bowties
2. Skinny ties
3. Cardigans
4. Braided belts
5. Shorts that are too far above the knee
6. Jean shorts
7. Crocs
8. Shoes that go like this:



Don't even get me started on women's apparel.

This is what happens when Mike talks about Assassin's Creed:

Mike: Did you just roll your eyes?

Me: No- I just had to look up at the ceiling real fast.

This is a list of weird things I've eaten:

1. A coffee bean- horrible; this was done on a dare in a store.
2. Basil leaf- also horrible and done on a dare
3. Octopus- this I actually ordered and it would've been okay had it not been swimming in cucumber sauce
4. Radish straight from the garden- very potatoey and not spicy at all.

This is a true story:
Mike and I went to the strangest Wal-Mart the other day.

And I'm on kind of this boycott of Wal-Mart right now because that whole store, including  its freaking parking lot, just ticks me out of my ever loving mind.
Then again, I refuse to pay $2.99 for popcorn seasoning at Publix when I know it's a dollar less at Wal-Mart.

So we went to "pick up a few things."

And, as I have mentioned, I was going for popcorn seasoning.

In a normal, logical grocery store, usually the chips are by the 'snacks' and the nuts and the crackers and cookies and sometimes diapers (?) are all in the same aisle. Including popcorn.

But in this asinine place, the chips were in one aisle, the crackers were in another one 7 aisles down, and then there was this obscure area in the back labeled "Beverages".
So I go to the chip aisle, no popcorn.
Snack aisle, no popcorn.

I would just like to know when popcorn became a beverage.
Because there it was. By the alcohol and soda. Under "Beverages".

Their argument (probably some marketing person): Well, uh, you know, some people like to have some snacks with their drinks, so we put them by each other to increase, uh, sales.

Complimentary items, eh? That's understandable.
But then why are their two other aisles nowhere near this other place with other very snackable items?

itjustdoesn'tmakelogicalsense

And then Mike was looking for garlic bread, so we had to trek all over the frozen food area to find it. Apparently garlic bread is now a breakfast food.

So yeah. Strangest Wal-Mart ever.
It was eerie, man. Like a different dimension.
And there were so many pregnant women there.
SO many.
Pregnant.
Women.

True story.

This is a list of my favorite months in caps lock:
MAY, JUNE, NOVEMBER

This is a picture of Sam:

He looks like he's about to make a snide comment.
Feel free to caption and re-post.

I kind of miss nested "IF" functions,
TWS

Belief

Am I the only one who thought that high school was ridiculously hard?

Like- it was socially difficult to be in school.
Too many people knew you and what you were up to. And nobody was just chill.

Except for my friend Brian. He was pretty chill.

First, classes started at like 7:30, which means you had to get up at like 6:30, which is waaaaay to flipping early to be alive.
And, sure, you "got home" at like 3:30 if you didn't do any extra curriculars, but by this time your brain was so fried from being inside all day all you could really do was eat salsa and watch That 70s Show. And then you had to do like 2 hours of trig homework and study for AP US History some time before you went to bed.

Then, the classes were a lot harder. I'm not talking about your average English or history class. I'm talking about honors and AP classes where you actually had to be a good writer to get an A. And I'm not really complaining about those because they actually made me a better writer. I'm complaining about the stupid classes like chemistry and physics where nothing ever made sense.

I still don't believe in the atomic theory.

And then there were people. OH, THE PEOPLE.
Maybe it's just something about that age where everyone is just completely intolerant of everyone else. Opinionated. Ignorant. And, worst of all, loud.

It just amazes me that 3.5 years later, I'm still able to complain about how bad high school was.
Maybe it's because I've grown up a lot since then, but my life is so much easier and less stressful now than it ever was.
I remember dreading Sunday nights back then because they meant the end of fun and the beginning to a week of terribleness. But now I'm like- oh, Monday? It's just another easy day.
Maybe I've begun to handle it all better.
Or maybe it's just Mike.

And everyone was like, "College is harder than high school."
And teachers in college are like, "Work is a lot harder than college" and that we'll wish we were in Intermediate III when we get out into the real world.
(maybe this is the case if you work in auditing...?)

I don't believe any of it because college, even grad school, is way easier than high school, and my work experiences have been way easier than college.

Even when the paths are all crookedy,
TWS

Bourgeois

I absolutely love dinner parties.

I mean, regular parties can be great sometimes, but I am always a fan of dinner parties.
I'm also a ceiling fan, especially when it rains.

Have I already said that?
If I have, I'm just letting you know that it's still true.

Anyway, dinner parties are awesome. Something about the Christmas season just makes people want to invite everyone they know and have dinner with them.

And I'm totally down with that.

Some people, when invited to these events are all like, "Mannnnnn I don't wanna go. It's like...all these people, SO awkward, and I have to like dress up sort of kind of and the worst part- absolutely worst part- is that they are calling it a 'Holiday' party instead of a Christmas party. They're taking the Christ out of Christmas! BLARG!"

Or something like that.

But not me.
I'm like DINNER PARTY?

YES!

Good things about dinner parties:
1. Dressing up. It's so much fun. I love looking cute, and there are always going to be pictures taken at these sorts of things.
2. Free food! (And often an open bar!)
3. The people. I've always said, "It's not what you're doing; it's who you're with" (or with whom you are), and that's very true. But even if I don't know anyone else there, I'm able to amuse myself, which is always fun.

I don't know what it is. I just love dinner parties. They are one of my favorite things.

And my department's party last night was awesome.
The IS department is awesome  and the people I work with are awesome and they appreciate me so much and it is so very nice to be appreciated and they are sad that I am leaving and so am I but they are so happy for me and say I will go far!

One of the teachers there said my resume was one of the most impressive ones he's ever come across. He says I'll probably end up a CFO or something and that I won't be in lower-levels for long.

And I was like- man, I've only worked for these people for 4 months. I wonder if people at my new job will see me the same way.

Their encouragement just gave me the drive, the want, the gumption to be forever awesome.

Wherever you go there you are,
TWS

Emotions

That little broken
Picture on a half-loaded
Webpage breaks my heart.

Does no one else see the face?

I could haiku all day long,
TWS

Idiosyncrasy

Group discussions.

There was one today about how the Beatles are overrated, but like Bob Dylan and Jimi Hendrix, they revolutionized modern music.
Or something to that effect.
I wasn't listening too closely; I was trying to get done so I could go home and cook a pot roast.

Then there was a light discussion on guitars and "jamming" together and when they plan on shaving their beards.
I kept my thoughts to myself.

And then I got in my car and listened to my dorky folk music.

And it made me HAPPY.
And that's when I realized that I don't care what other people think about music.

All the dishes rattle in the cupboards when the elephants arrive,
TWS

Vee- necks and logs

Semantic: Adjective; Relating to meaning in language or logic.

Warning: I just figured out how to make videos with my webcam.

However, I despise the word "vlog" because it sounds like someone throwing up. Kind of like the word "Buick". 
Yeah.
So we're not going to call it a vlog because that's disgusting.
This is simply a video that I put into a blog.

For all of you that were fans of Allie J in high school, I do still write songs occasionally.
The audio capabilities on the webcam surprised me, but there are some limitations. For example, I had to go all falsetto on the "two years later" part so that it wouldn't sound like a garbage truck picking up rocks.

Here are the lyrics to this one:

Semantic

Tell me I misread that

Tell me that’s not what you meant

You know that I’ve moved on

And I’m not going back

You said it in there

Possible, potentially

Do you really want me there?

What are you keeping from me?

Oh, I’ve always wanted to know

What you really think of me

How did I get fooled again?

I was done with that; I was sure

I somehow failed to realize

This is the same way you got me before

So why should it be different now?

I’m not trying to just make it so

You made it clear by leaving

But now it’s like you never wanted to let go

Of me, and I’ve always wanted to see

What you mean

I don’t want to be guessing

*instrumental interlude*

So leave it to me to read more into your words

Than I ought to

You know I would 'cause that’s how I am

But then I don’t know why

Two years later you would say 

Everything will work out like it’s supposed to

Implying that fate would move me away from here

And closer to you

So tell me I misread that

Tell me that’s not what you meant

TWS

Pictures and Words

Did you know that a group of ravens is called an "unkindness" and a group of owls is a "parliament"?

The one in the upper right corner makes me LOWL.

Mike and I were watching the 5th Harry Potter movie Thursday night:
*telling Harry about Voldemort's plan*
Sirius: Except this time, he's going to have something he didn't have before.
Me: A NOSE!??!?!?!

Have you heard of the new drink called the Sandy?
It's just a watered-down Manhattan.
...
Too soon?
Too soon.

I'm sure you're all wondering the events of yesterday.
Here are some "hi-lights":

- I had a terrible headache when we got to Atlanta.
- We got a free lunch. I took medicine for my headache.
- Our presentation went well.
- I started feeling really terrible; went to the bathroom, threw up.
- The awards ceremony happened. No, we didn't place. But I got a t-shirt, a laptop bag, and a $50 gift card to Best Buy.
- We got a free dinner. Dr. M and I try to leave at a time to avoid the worst traffic, but it is inevitable.
- So we're in traffic, and I feel like I have to throw up again, so we pull over in the middle of traffic in north Atlanta.
- And nothing happens.
- So I get back in the car and a few miles down the road, the same sick nauseating feeling comes back. But it's too late! I can't speak and tell him to get over or else I'll throw up all over my auditing professor's car!
- So I threw up in my mouth and swallowed it.
- This happened twice.
- This is a true story.
- And then I reclined the chair and slept all the way from south Atlanta to Exit 90 of I-16, which is about 2 and half hours.
- We stopped at a gas station and I bought really overpriced bottled water and gum because I really didn't want to have vomit-mouth all night.
- And then I felt a lot better and went home.

The end.

So, no, it wasn't a great day. I've never had headache nausea like that. And I think the parking garage got me all dizzy.
Georgia State hosted the thing and guess what team got first place? Georgia State.
They also have an internal auditing program. We cover internal auditing as half of a chapter.
I'm sure you can see the bias.

At least I can finally start enjoying my time off.
I'm going to cook so many tacos.

And, lastly, you can tell that One Tree Hill is a fictional show by the way the high school characters are into literature.

I lost my place but I can't stop this story,
TWS

People

People sometimes end their sentences with "et cetera et cetera et cetera" and they say it really fast.
That makes me think that they don't know what "et cetera" means.
One's good enough, man.
Chill out.

There's this guy I know that starts every sentence with, "I feel like..." and ends every sentence with, "you know what I mean?"
It bothered me until I figured out that pattern.
Now I just smile when he talks to me because I know what's coming.
I feel like he's easier to understand now, you know what I mean?

Sometimes I have days where it's just GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO ONETHINGONTOANOTHER!
And I feel like I don't even have time to sit down in the bathroom.
I know in reality I do have time, but it just feels like I don't.
They shouldn't call it a rest room. They should call it a stop-all-the-world-now room.
Howie Day would perform in there sometimes.
A rest room, to me, connotates a napping room. A place where I could lay down.
And rest.
And not listen to other people's phone conversations echoing off the walls.

My mind occupies so much of my brain.

Have you ever practiced a presentation so much that you don't even know what it means anymore?
At this point, I feel I'm just rearranging the words "strategic" "role" "effectiveness" and "acquisition" to make sentences.
And then my voice is so soft that I have to practice-yell the presentation to make sure I'm loud enough, which is just awkward for everyone I practice in front of, including the couch, the desk, and the cat.

If I could have told 8th-grade self, "Allie, when you're in graduate school, you will volunteer to do an oral presentation with people that you barely know in Atlanta", I wouldn't have.
Because then my 8th-grade self wouldn't have gone to college.

I think that's why time-travelling isn't allowed. It would rustle too many jimmies.

My hands smell like the mall.
Not the food court part- more like the hallway between A&F and American Eagle.

May you never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets,
TWS

Porch

I think I'm the only person in the world who likes paying bills.
Not because I particularly like spending money on utilities, but because paying all the bills in one sitting gives me a sense of accomplishment. It's different than buying things at a grocery store. Paying bills gives me a sense of GSD.

I should probably work in accounts payable some point in my life. I would probably really like that.

Today's topic: perspective.

Funny story; true story: Last semester in my International Accounting class, I had to write a paper on the FCPA. In this class, we had to have "peer reviews" by our classmates on our papers before we submitted the final draft. On my paper, some girl wrote that I needed to have "more perspection" in my writing.

If only I knew what perspection was.
(because, lol, it's not a word)

So does everyone here know what a Ponzi scheme is?

Wikipedia defines it as "a fraudulent investment operation that pays returns to its investors from their own money or the money paid by subsequent investors, rather than from profit earned by the individual or organization running the operation."

And we're going to go with what Wikipedia says.

Main idea: paying returns to investors from their own money or money paid by subsequent investors.

Doesn't this sound an awful lot like social security?
Everyone who works is required to contribute to this pot and then later, in theory, they will be able to get distributions from said pot.

(speaking of pot, it's legal in Colorado now. Denver really is now the mile high city...)

Am I making the claim that Social Security is in fact a Ponzi scheme?
Indirectly. I don't think it was intended to be, but do I think it's set up and operates like one.

Also, since Ponzi schemes never end in a good way, and everyone's freaking out about the way Social Security is going to collapse in the near future, I'd say the outcome will also be about the same.

But it's just a different perspective.

Callin' it like I see it,
TWS

-0-

It's a good day when all the financial statements balance.

=sum(H16:H29),
TWS

Second Grade

I feel a memory coming on.

Once upon a time, my family and I went to Six Flags. It was my first time riding roller coasters (that I can remember. For some reason, there's this picture of me in my photo album crying whilst riding a merry-go-round horse at the fair. I don't remember that, and I probably don't want to because the fair is really just awful. One of the abysmal fair workers probably made me upset like they always do.) Anyway, this time at Six Flags I was having a blast, riding every ride I was tall enough for: Mind Bender, American Scream Machine, you name it- I was there. Except for Batman. That wasn't built yet.

I was fearless.
So I decided to take on the Free Fall.
My dad and sisters got on the ride, and we began to be hoisted up longitudinally before the infamous "fall".
I don't know what suddenly changed, but I got really scared and whimpered, "Can I get down? I don't want to do this anymore."
My dad looked over at me, laughed and said, "It's too late now!"

And then the terrible ride happened.
We fell. I screamed.
And it was over before I knew it; the only thing different was that my back and head hurt terribly.

So that's kind of how I feel about this audit project.
My group and I had this conference call yesterday, and we stayed late talking about our presentation. We're going to have another call on Monday and then prepare all next week for the final presentation on Friday. Then on Friday, the drive to and from Atlanta is going to take so long and then I'm going to be so nervous and stressed about the presentation, and I think I might just swoon.

Can I get down? I don't want to do this anymore.

And all I can think about is my dad's goofy face saying, "It's too late now!"

It will probably be over before I know it, so I'm just going to have to suffer through the head and back pain like I did when I was 6.

"Walk on, walk on, walk on. You can't go back now."
~The Weepies

When you were young,
TWS

Ticks and Tax

I did something naughty today.

Don’t worry; it’s nothing like you’re thinking.

I walked to my car and saw something pinned under my windshield wipers.

And I hate hate hate hate hate haaaaaaaaaaate when people put crap there (including parking tickets). It’s just creepy that someone was out there touching my car. I mean- do NOT put your icky stranger hands all over my property! When you put crap there, it’s really anti-advertising because it angers me to the point that I want to not go to the very thing that you’re advertising just out of spite.

But that is just an aside.

So there was an advertisement for Ruby Tuesdays under there and they were like, “Hey! We’re actually doing something good for the community!”

I read the ad, and apparently if you “enjoy a meal” with them on this one arbitrary day, they will donate 20% of your bill to the charity of your choice.

How thoughtful.

Those italics mean sarcasm.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!?!?

You may be like, “Whut? Allie J- whut r u tawlkin’ aboot?”

(Yes, in my fantasies you are half-redneck, half-canadian.)

But just hear me out:

Ruby Tuesdays is acting like they’re being a good corporate citizen and socially responsible and other key terms that you may or may not have learned in Introduction to Business. But what they’re really doing is siphoning off a part of their revenue, supposedly making a donation, and then probably taking the tax deduction for it. They are essentially using their customers to get a tax benefit.

If nobody ate at Ruby Tuesdays that day, you think they would still give the donation? NO.

Here’s a BETTER idea:

Give customers a 20% discount on their meal if they make a donation. If they don’t donate, they pay full price. Tax deduction for customer whose money is actually making the donation? CHECK. Still major profits because their prices are so outrageous? CHECK. Good corporate citizenship? CHECK.

Winz for everyonez.

So I circled their “deal” on the ad and wrote, “Why don’t you just give me a 20% discount on my meal and let me take the tax deduction for the charitable contribution?” And THEN I found a spare tack on a bulletin board in COBA and posted that bitch up for all to see.

(That was the naughty thing I did.)

If Ruby Tuesdays really wanted to be charitable, they would make substantial donations anyway and not have it dependent on customer sales on one. Random. Day. Substance over form, guys. Come on.

I’ve also noticed something about myself.

(I have a giant butt.)

I really do. I was making these shorts the other day…

But I’ll save that for my seamstress blog.

For real though- I’ve noticed something else about myself. About my values.

Over a year ago, I was almost dead set in being a member of this prestigious accounting fraternity. There was a huge time commitment with service and professional hours as well as a rather large up-front investment of $150.

 I was certain that networking in this “club” would bring me great job prospects, and so I thought all of it would be worth it.

But then I found out that candidates/members had to sell discount cards, and this was honestly the deal-breaker for me. Never mind that I was taking 18 hours of upper division accounting courses or that I was spending plenty of time being the secretary of the Accounting Association. The time management thing I could handle. I knew I was good at that. Even the $150 I could work off from answering phone calls in the bursar’s office.

But DISCOUNT CARDS?

I’ve discovered that fundraising goes against my core values. Maybe it’s because I suck at it, but I just don’t believe it’s right to con people into buying things they don’t really want.

“Oh- 10% off items I never buy at a restaurant I never go to only valid one day a week? SWEET DEAL!”

Said no one in the history of ever.

Call it conning, call it persuasion, call it salesmanship: pitching crap to people just to get money is WRONG, and I will NOT be doing it!

And that’s what selling discount cards is like. How can I sell something to someone when I don’t even believe in it?

Candidates who didn’t sell all their cards had to submit an extra $50 as if they did.

So I didn’t join the club, and yet it turns out I got a rockin’ awesome accounting job without it. Joining the club was the best thing I ever didn’t.

Also, voting for a white president doesn’t make you racist.

Just thought I should point that out.

It’s boots and chaps; it’s cowboy hats,

TWS

(if someone comments and puts "It's spurs and latigo", I will give you hugs and a GIF of a really cute  owl)

Prepared Remarks

My life is so awesome right now:

     a. Grad school is low maintenance
     b. I have a top-drawer full-time job lined up
     c. My current job is still awesome
     d. I made a dress the other day that is hands-down my BEST sewing project ever
     e. Mike is an amazing human being

I may have peaked.

Picture unrelated,
TWS

Confessions

I have some confessions. They will be told in whispers.

(I miss preparing tax returns.)

As messed up as that sounds, it's a true story.
I really do, and I cannot WAIT to start my real job.
And you know that audit competition that was voluntary?
Yeah. We made finals.
So now I have to go to Atlanta the day before Thanksgiving break and do public speaking.

-_-

OH. And WHILE we're whining about auditing: do you know that there are STATISTICS involved in auditing? Yeah. Sampling for audit tests and what not.
Coincidence that stats was also my least favorite class in college?
I think not.

More confessions:

(I listened to Taking Back Sunday today.)

And you know what? I still kind of like it.

(I royally screwed up a sewing project.)

You may have heard me tell you/brag about this dress that I was making. It was going to be orange and seasonal and I was going to wear it to Thanksgiving dinner in my new tights from South Korea.

And Mike gave me such crap for ordering tights from South Korea.
"Some child probably slaved over them. And then they had go to their second job where they play world of warcraft and sell stuff."
Whatever. I don't tell countries how to run their economies.

Anyway- this project: was going to be awesome. I knew it was going to be challenging because of the fabric I was using, but I didn't think it was going to be impossible.

(I was wrong.)

So before I went further tonight, I did some capital budgeting decision making:
Do I continue with the project, have it turn out terrible, and never wear it because I'm so embarrassed?
Or do I cut my losses and focus on something I can do and maybe make a skirt out of the remains?

I opted out.

So I started an entirely different project. It was going great and then the directions were like, "Finish the seams" and I was like "Awesome- I can do that now that I have a serger!"
I pulled out the serger and tried it out. It worked for about an inch before something came unthreaded. And then I spent the next 30 minutes threading and rethreading the machine which really just looks like I'm playing Operation with it because I'm taking tweezers trying to pull threads this way and that.
And then I started crying because it was SO unbelievably frustrating.
Then I couldn't do it anymore and I put it away.

It was just too much fail for one night.

Herpy Herlloween.

Tonight won't make a difference,
TWS

Trains

Here are some comments on I-16:

There is this sign that says "Keep off the median."
That's nice.
It's also stuck in the ground right before this bridge that goes over a river.
True story.

Mike once saw a truck with a bumper sticker that says, "Silly boys. Trucks are for girls!"
There was an old man driving the truck.
Mike lol'd.

People from Effingham don't know how to effing drive.

Do flashers give people the liberty to drive any way that they want? I know that they have magical powers so that you can park anywhere, but seriously- there was this maniac flying down the interstate with his flashers on like he was trying to rush his pregnant wife to the hospital or something.
(Maybe he didn't know that there are ambulances for that.)

I love how police officers hide behind some bushes and take naps in their cars every afternoon.
Seems like an effective use of taxpayer money.

That last one was sarcasm. I think.
According to the Wall Street Journal, "Sarcasm is a challenge for academics and marketers trying to analyze online chatter to gauge public opinion."

And so here I sit.
Skewing the statistics.

And swiveling in my swivel chair,
TWS

College

It's nearing the end of October, which means it's about to be the beginning of No-shave November, which is really just the beginning of a long string of hairy months where guys think it's cute to all get together and not shave.

First, it's No-shave November.
Then it's Don't shave December.
Then Just don't shave it off January.

And pretty soon it's just an excuse to abandon personal hygiene altogether.

Forget shaving February.
My beard makes up for all my insecurities March.
Alright, this is getting itchy April.
Maybe I should shave this off May.
Just one more month until I shave again June.
Just kidding, I'm keeping this beard forever July.
Alas, the summer's heat is going to force me to shave! August
So tempted to shave, but I'm now just too darn lazy September

And before you know it, we're back to breast cancer awareness month.
(Oh, goodness- Ogle at how huge and manly my beard is October.)
I guess the extreme increase in "manliness" is to make up for the world wearing pink this whole month.

Although, when the guys actually begin to shave it off, it can look quite hilarious.
There was this guy in one of my classes who would just shave off a little bit more each day.
At one point, he was pulling an Ambrose Burnside:



And that just makes me giggle.

Another is when they grow their abominations during the summer and then go out and play volleyball every day so only half of their face is tan when they finally shave.

I guess there's just a relationship between how much facial hair a person has and how serious I can take them.

So, of course, I plotted this relationship on a graph:

My tastes undulate.

But that's enough beard talk for today.

It's only arson if you do it on purpose,

TWS

Aaron Rodgers

So I was thinking the other day about how insurance premiums are calculated.
Actuarial values based on risk of certain variables.
Age, gender, type of car, etc.

And then I thought of the stereotype that Asian women are bad drivers.
And THEN I thought- what if that were actually true?
What if certain races DID inherently drive worse than other races?
Would insurance companies be able to adjust their premiums for the different demographics based on FACTUAL data?
Or would they get sued for "discrimination" and "racism"?

Speaking of:



I'm just saying: if it was a white guy in the rickshaw and a black guy carrying it, there would be lawsuits.

Discount double-check,
TWS

Pashion

It all started with a broken treadmill.

I went to work out yesterday, and 2 out of the 3 treadmills in the place were occupied, and the third one was broken. So I decided to go to the stair-stepper instead.

Oh. My. Gosh. I. Feel. Like. I. Don't. Have. Legs. Anymore.

But the thing about the stair stepper was that is had a TV screen, and though I was listening to my music, I watched/read the closed captioning because there was nothing else to look at.
Project Runway was on.
And I really wasn't paying attention, but it's like a reality show for designers or something?

I finished working out and went back to the house. I asked Mike if he thought I could make it on Project Runway because apparently he knows more about the show than I do.

Mike: "No- cuz you don't make your own stuff. If you made your own stuff, I'd say yeah."

Determination happened.

One of my latest assignments at my grad assistant job has been to go to every single college or university website in the nation and "harvest" contact information so that my professors can send out surveys about IS/IT programs.
It's boring because the content is long and mundane, but it's interesting because you get to see what other colleges are like, but it's frustrating because I'm trying to navigate really stupid websites in INTERNET EXPLORER.

Anyway:
So today I happened across some college that does fashion merchandising and what not and I took a closer look. And it sounds SO FUN.
I know GA Southern offers it, but check out these course descriptions at SCAD.

And reading about it all got me thinking "THIS WOULD BE SO FUN" and then it made me wonder why I ever got two degrees in accounting.
Don't get me wrong- I love accounting.
I always viewed college as a place to learn to do something that would get you a job.
And now I'm like, man- I could've majored in something really, really fun.
Less job outlook, but really, REALLY fun.

Then again, I wouldn't have the ballin' job lined up that I have now.
And, also, I didn't know I really liked sewing until after my first year at college.

Another thing is that I am so over school. I do not want to be Hamlet and go to college well into my 30s. Nor do I want to get another entire degree or pay crazy tuition costs for that kind of thing. And I still don't want to live in a big city.

I wish I could just sit in on some classes. Not pay tuition or get course credit or anything. Just sit and learn.

The thing is that I know I'd be REALLY good at it.
And now I feel like it's too late in my life to try.

Sad face,
TWS

Finale

One of the best things happened to me the other day.

I GOT A REAL FULL-TIME JOB.

And if you notice here, our firm doesn't offer auditing services.
Read: I WON'T EVER HAVE TO DO AUDITING AGAIN. EVER.

Except for taking the audit part of the CPA exam.
And finishing grad school.
And that stupid project if we made it to the final competition.

But other than that, audit and I are DONE-ZO.

That's right, boys and girls. I will be working in just tax.
I'm going to be an awesome tax person.
And it will be awesome.

Here are the deets:

- It's in the city where I wanted to work. This is for all of you who suggested I look elsewhere in places far away from Mikeface. Glad I didn't.

- Overtime is required, of course, because of the busy seasons. But they PAY for overtime. Do you know how INCREDIBLY RARE that is at a public accounting firm?

Here are the tails (which are really just more deets):

- It's a very small firm, which I love. I've never wanted to go corporate-Big-4-wear-a-business-suit-erry-day, and I love knowing all my coworkers personally.

- I get my own office. (I can finally hang up my diploma(s) and look legit!)

- As long as I pass the CPA exam by the middle of December 2013, I will be Allie J, CPA.

- And...I don't have to tick and tie any more freaking workpapers!

Your concerns:

"Allie J, you're not done-zo with grad school. How are you going to finish your degree?"

Just one more on-line class, babe.

"Allie J, you have that awesome grad assistant job right now with a contract for the whole year. You can't just quit."

Yes, I can. The department is totally cool with it, and they have a replacement lined up. I've been very useful for the time that they've needed me, so all I have to do is turn in my keys.

"Allie J, you're going to be working in tax. Do you really not have a soul?"

Maybe not. But tax makes sense to me.

I actually told them in the interview that my birthday was April 15th.

That might have been what won them over.



And, yes, I'll do your taxes,

TWS