Talc and Coal

So we decorated for Christmas today. Mum pulled out this annoying snowman thing which doesn't have a purpose outside of being annoying. You press this button, and this snowman head shoots out and says either "Get out the shovel!" or "It looks like snow!" or plays the first line of Let It Snow with a really bad sound.

And, of course, it gets stuck in my head.

So then I went into the bathroom to get some candlestick holders for the Santa candles we have, and I was singing Let It Snow really obnoxious like I do, and I then I feel someone watching me, and I look and Dad's peeking around the corner looking at me. Then I burst out laughing, and he walked away.

It's what usually happens around here.

Poll: should I or should I not decorate my room for Christmas? (Decorate = Christmas lights) I really need to clean my room either way. Really should've done that this week. But I didn't.

I really don't know where this week went. Like- one moment, I was buying stuff, then I was eating, then I was watching TV, and then I sewed and BAM. It's Saturday. And I have to go back to the daily grind tomorrow. It's weird that there's only a week left of this semester. I feel like I've already finished and that I should be starting a new one.

But enough about me.

I don't understand the fascination with real pearls. It's clam doodoo,

T.T.

Unrelated Matter

I finally figured out how to work the TV in the living room. This might not seem like such an accomplishment, but every time I come home from college, I have to relearn all the remotes, their functionality, and the correct "settings" to hack into the DVR booty vault.

But now I know!

And lest I forget, I shall record this information to save time in the future:

1. Turn on the TV. It's the longest remote on the coffee table with the red button. Somehow, turning the TV on makes the blue light on the TV turn off. This was also very confusing to learn.

2. Turn on sound stereo using the remote that's too colorful for its own good. Side note: this remote also controls the volume.

3. Turn on the computer mouse.

4. Make sure you're on the right channel. "Tuner" is live TV. Press the "source" button on the third remote to get it to the computer screen.

5. And access DVR from there.

Isn't that a ridiculous amount of work just to watch TV?

I've been sewing a skirt. IT HAS POCKETS. It matches my scarf, which was the whole reason I was making the skirt (and to see if I could really do it all by myself). It has top-stitching, too, which I might end up taking out and redoing. Like most everything I create. But it HAS POCKETS. Like- made out of a different but matching fabric, so it looks legit. Now all I have to do is the button and button hole. And clip off all remaining threads. And the hem because right now it's hanging there like a Goodwill skirt.

And you all know what I'm talking about.

Dear Pandora,

Miley Cyrus is NOT in the same genre as Taylor Swift. Please remember this in the future.

Sincerely,

Me

Yesterday the doorbell rang, and I was all the way in the back of the house watching Seinfeld on my sister's bed.

"Why were you in your sister's room?"

Because in the fall/winter time, the sun comes up in her window.

And I like the sun.

So ANYWAY, the doorbell rings, and I take like forever getting it because I was in the back room and I expected the guy, who I thought might be a mail guy, to have gone away by then. But he was still there. So I open the door.

"Hey! Is your husband around?"

Whut?

"Oh- you mean my DAD?"

So either I look really old or my dad looks really young. Moral of story: don't hang around when roofers come calling.

And we're getting a new roof.

We're having a bit of Led Zeppelin weather today. It'd be a good day to stay inside and read one's past blogs. I might succumb to that.

I bought Cleve a __________ for Christmas (hint: the item DOESN'T start with a vowel since I put the article "a" in front of it- and you know how I wouldn't make any hypothetical grammatical errors if I could help it. Just thought I'd point that out to you. Ok- we're going to move along; sorry to slow you down). And I also bought some trendy shoes. Not for Cleve, though. They're like boots, but not. They're also like heels, but not. They're on every other page of the J. Crew catalog, though. (But that's not why I bought them. (But that may have influenced my decision. (But here's what went on in the store))):

Me: I can't decide if I want them or not. I mean, they're SUPER trendy, but I can't think of anything I'd wear them with right now, but I know in the future that if I had something and I didn't have the shoes, then I would be sad.

Mum: Well, you are a working woman now...

Excellent argument, Mum. And now I have 37 pairs of shoes.

Disclaimer: I'm not really sure if I have 37 pairs of shoes, that's just a rough estimate. I know I have more than 20, but less than 50. And there's your confidence interval. The alpha level would be 0 in this case, since I am 100% confident that the true proportion of my shoes falls within this interval. Therefore, since the probability can never be below zero, we will never reject the null hypothesis.

We "fail to reject" the null hypothesis.

Yeah, I'm taking statistics.

Yesterday, I was in the shower and all of the sudden, my ring and middle fingers starting getting really warm on the inside and extremely sensitive to touch. The hot water seemed to burn them. They weren't warm to the touch- only internally. This phenomenon lasted for about a half hour. Due to internet/self diagnosis, I either have an infection or Raynaud's Syndrome. But I doubt the Raynaud's thing because it didn't change color. It was just a really freaky thing. I should probably tell someone.

Nah.

During a game of Taboo:

Cleve: Okay- you're trying to get me to do this!

Me: Paint my nails! Pedicure! Manicure! Not wear jerseys anymore!

Answer: Dental floss.

Tomorrow just doesn't feel like Thanksgiving. The timing doesn't seem right for cranberry sauce. In a Good Housekeeping (or perhaps it was Better Homes and Gardens? Or Ladies Home Journal? Nah- I'm pretty sure it was Good Housekeeping) they had a really dumb suggestion for a centerpiece. I mean, I guess it was a centerpiece. They suggested getting a bunch of cheese graters together on a platter, placing candles under them, and "watching the sparkle" as the light plays off of the little holes in the graters. They had a picture of this conglomeration of rusty old cheese graters sitting around with tea lights under them. And then the authors/"interior decorators" had the gall to throw in "For safety, use LED lights instead of candles."

This just raised a bunch of questions for me:

1. WHERE are you going to get like 10 vintage-looking cheese graters? They suggested a flea market or on eBay. Seems like a lot of shipping and handling for a "simple" centerpiece...

2. WHAT are you going to do with 10 vintage-looking cheese graters after the centerpiece has...well, centerpieced? They're not very storage friendly. Also, the marginal utility declines with each additional grater. In economics, we call this the "Law of Diminishing Returns". Ergo, this centerpiece is bad economics.

3. WHY would you put a picture of candles in your magazine instead of your suggested LED lights under the graters? Posers.

4. WHO is actually going to take this suggestion? It's CHEESE GRATERS. What will be the centerpiece next year? PIZZA CUTTERS?

It just didn't make sense to me.

IS THAT DILLON I HEAR?

(Or is it a case of mistaken identity?),

T.T.

That was a lot of punctuation right there. I'm being very punctilious. No pun(ctuation) intended.

A Carless Man's Careful Daughter

It seems unreal how I come home and immediately get sick. Home is supposed to be a place of health and wellness, and I haven't been sick all semester. *pout* I must be the only kid in college who eats better there than I do at home. Or maybe that has nothing to do with it. Maybe I'm allergic to...dog?

"Hey- look! It's Jason Mraz!"

"No- I'm just a guy wearing a hat."

"Yeah! That's Jason Mraz!"

It's like summer in that I'm alone in the house and bored. I would be making a jumper to wear to Thanksgiving dinner, but I'm not really confident in cutting things out yet. We need to do some alterations on the sizing because it's a teen pattern and I, fortunately, no longer fall under teenage sizing. And I really don't want to screw it up.

I hate how I can hear myself BREATHING.

But it's so awesome how friends work. Like- how you can meet up months later and pick up right where you left off. How you lose track of time discussing the Watergate Scandal or the best way to make fajitas. How you can build a fire down by the lake just because you want to. Or how you can tell him anything just because you trust him.

Yes, it's just like summer. Minus the cute sundresses and everything else pertaining to warmer weather.

How many telemarketers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they have to do it while you're eating dinner.

Down with the sickness,

T.T.

My Parents

My post today will consist of a random e-mail my dad sent me last night. Perhaps this will show you why I am the way that I am.

And I quote:
"So…there we were at Kroger and Mom was upset because turkeys were not on sale for as cheap as she thought they should be ($.89 vs $.69/lb). However, with Thanksgiving coming soon, we figured they are just higher this year, so we bought one. Of course, AFTER we are outside the store, she realizes they charged her full price ($1.49/lb), so, back in we go to customer service and wait for that to be corrected. Then, because the error was so large, she gets a bonus $5.00 gift card in addition to the sale price, so the bird actually ends up costing her only $.58/lb. Mom is now very happy. Dad not too thrilled with the fiasco…but when Mom’s happy (saving money gets her excited - higher probability of sex) Dad’s happy, so all is OK.

Then, we go to Publix for some other things, and turkeys are $.69/lb. Mom now not so happy again even though she ended up getting it cheaper due to error. Dad, trying to save the night, suggests she go ahead and get another one since we’ll need one for Christmas anyway. Mom’s happy again. Whew…there’s still hope.

Now, we get home – problem…where to store TWO 16 lb. turkeys? Well, it turns out that a 16 lb. turkey takes up about the same space as 8 bags of frozen strawberries, so strawberries come out of the freezer and turkeys go in. Problem solved…sort of.

Hmmm, dilemma now is what to do with 18 lb of strawberries. You know, of all the fruit we picked this summer, strawberries came in around the wedding, so we never had time to make any…Yup, you’ve guessed by now…sweet strawberry wine. At 3 lb. per gallon, 18 lb. makes precisely 6 gallons (or one big carboy). So Sunday, I smashed strawberries, and Monday, I added the yeast, and today it is fermenting nicely, albeit a little slow due to cooler weather. So, the sewing room and “peach” bathroom – the good one with the crossword puzzles – smells wonderfully YEASTY. Welcome home…thought it would remind you of your summer.

Also, I know this is random, but have you ever noticed that picture of the last supper in the hall? Judas has this tiny little pin head sitting on top of a normal sized torso and shoulders. Strange. Another oddity - he spilled a little cup of something, perhaps salt. What would they have been putting salt on…the bread? Why would an artist put a detail like that right in the foreground?

Look forward to seeing you,
Dad"

I actually did notice that about Judas' head. Peter's head is conversely too big for his body. I think this has something to do with minimizing Judas' importance and maximizing Peter's because Peter represents the foundation for the new church.
Or something like that; I've never been one to interpret art.

Only been one to place hamburgers on empty plates,
T.T.

"I guess the joke was for that side of the table."

So Friday at work was little more than a huge gossip session. Of course, I sat idly by, because that's what I do here, and soaked up the information in a way comparable to a sponge.

Here's a funny word: expunge.

They talked of the guy who used to work here and how they think he's making a huge mistake marrying this girl right after graduation. Seriously- he's getting married the day after graduation. What a weekend. But that's not what they were upset about. They were all going on about how this girl's not right to him, and how her parents don't like him, and how it's not going to work out because they want different things. And I'm sitting there thinking, 'Man, they really know this guy well.' I wondered if any of them tried to say anything to him about this supposedly huge mistake he's about to make.

So I asked.

And they all shook their heads and said that's "he's too far gone" and "wouldn't listen if we tried". But here's the thing: you never tried. And you could have very well prevented a divorce.

But no. Instead you gossip about how awful it's going to turn out. Now if you had told him, and he rebuked you, THEN you can say it's all going to you know where. But if you never said anything...

I just don't think that's right. I would tell my friends if I thought they were making a huge mistake.
But then again, I'm brutally honest. And other people...aren't.

And then they proceeded to talk about our head controller, who's been on leave since I've been here. Apparently, she has this weird accent. I asked where she was from and had to spend the rest of the conversation pretending to know where Lebanon was.

Just kidding.
(But seriously.)

I couldn't get to sleep until about 2 last night. It tends to happen when the following things take place:
1) I drink "herbal tea" before bed. I didn't know Bigelow's "English Teatime" had about as much caffiene as a cup of coffee! Well, I guess I did know because I found that out when I looked on the back of the box under "caffiene content", but it didn't influence my decision, for some reason. I guess I really wanted tea. And then I left it in the microwave for some time, so it got HEAVILY infused with strongness (strength?) and then I proceeded to read a big chunk of my book. It FINALLY has a plot!
2) I get too excited about going home. Pattern shopping, sewing, brisk walks at night, seeing my FIRENZ, Thanksgiving dinner, fire building, stacking firewood... Truth be told, I was mainly thinking about things I would wear on certain occassions. Yes, I have been looking at ModCloth waaaaaaay too much. But yeah- I figure if I'm going to be a designer, I should probably start dressing like one. Doncha just love my earthy logic?

"Logic's a guy who oughta empty his pockets."
-Swimming Pool; The Submarines

Great line, terrible song.

I did get the opportunity to print off my entire blog yesterday. My "technology fee allowance" went from around $66 to about $20. In one night. It was epic. And I walked out of there carrying a binder full of goodness. I was so happy, and so I spent over an hour and a half reliving 8th grade. And I miss it. Hence my Facebook status. So punching 3-ring holes in all of it will be a project for next week. I didn't want to raise too many eyebrows at the library. Excessive printing and hole-punching thereforewithcaused tends to be frowned upon.

What's red and smells like blue paint?

Red paint,
T.T.

Square

So I'm back.

My job is partly the reason for my return. Upper management brilliantly decided to enforce the rule that student workers aren't allowed to do homework during the down hours- i.e. the workers shall sit idly at their desks, pleading with the phone to get it to ring just to have something to do. It gets kind of lonely.

I'm sure blogging wouldn't be allowed either, but a screen on a computer is much less conspicuous than a calculator and statistics notes.

Oh, yes, I use big words now like "conspicuous" and "allelopathy" and even small words that are so uncommon that they sound like big words like "transit" and "vex". I am quite the thesaurus, when it comes to dinosaurs.

Seriously- today at work, I was talking to Caleb about how I like oranges, but not orange candy with the synthetic flavor. And he was all like, "Synthetic? You mean artificial?"

Same thing.

As for the other blog, I think I'll go to the library one day and print off the whole thing using the remainder of my technology fee allowance. I'll put it in a big old binder and stash it away like wine. And then I shall resign from Ooga Booga Surf Company.

I know, it's sad. But I'm tired of the colors not cooperating, and the ads that show up on some computers, and it's a little obsolete. So I'll be "closing the books". Haha- get it? Yeah, I'm into accounting now...

So I didn't go home with Cleve this weekend because I had to work Friday, had to study for stat, and I decided to go to this dessert social.

And let me tell you about this dessert social.

A couple of weeks ago, I took the second test in my Business Economics class. Real easy class- no problem. I went to class the next time, and the teacher asked, "So how was the test?" And people were like, "HORRIBLE!" and I was like, "whut?" So the professor talked about the class average bladeblah and then he said, "But some of you are doing quite well, and I'd like to recognize you...is Allison Jansen here?"

crapcrapcrap.

And he gave me this invitation IN FRONT OF EVERYONE to a dessert social held by the School of Economic Development. And then he asks me to "give a few words" IN FRONT OF EVERYONE on how I am succeeding in this class.

Shoot me in the face.

So then I went to said dessert social Friday, and it was LAME. Basically, it was the department's way of getting people to switch or think about switching to an econ major. So I ate a piece of cheesecake, listened to the presentation, thanked the host, and was out of there in an hour. Functions like that are just so awkward.

Never again.

I'm sitting at work right now eating my crackers. They're all crumbly because I stepped on them this weekend by accident. Isn't it weird how crummy can be spelled like crummy or crumby and sound the same? Confused the heck out of me when I was reading The Catcher in the Rye.

I can't wait to be home for Thanksgiving. Or my 5 week Christmas break. That's right, sirs, I get 5.5 weeks off! I don't know what I'll do with myself. Feel free to post suggestions.

Suggestions like "return to summer" and "play in local coffeehouse" are acceptable.

Ok. I'm done with crumby crackers.

This job gives me boredom headaches.

OH! My title just reminded me. I'm writing a new song and it's called "Square". I might change some things- the second verse is bugging me. But it sounds really nice, so I'll write some lyrics:

We met up last spring in the park
On a cold, sunny day in the middle of March
And we sat on the grass and talked like old friends
And I believed we were...

We started off that way
Always filling the silence with something to say
But our common became so different
And so did we.

There were things we didn't know
We tied our hearts to balloons and we let them go
And when they came down
They were in two different worlds in two distant towns
And we were even; we were square.

*section of lyrics that are too embarrassing to post*

And there were things we'd never say
As you pulled up the anchor and you sailed away
And I stood there on the shore
Looking back at you as I've never looked before
'Cause we were even; we were square.

Yeah we were even; we were square.

Failing to reject the null hypothesis,
T.T.