Today, Mike and I were at Dollar General buying facial tissues.
There was a pack of 4 boxes for 75 sheets each for $3.50.
And then there was a big box of 200 for $1.50.
At first glance, the big box seems like the better buy, but the price tags had done some sneaky arithmetic.
In the 4 pack, it boasted .3 cents a sheet.
For the big box, it said .7 cents a sheet.
So there we stood, doing maths to confirm the better buy.
Mike surmised that the .3 calculation was taking 4 x 300 sheets instead of 300 sheets in total.
One could easily see that two boxes of 200 was $3.00 instead of 4 boxes of 75 for $3.50.
The lesson here is to not always believe the little yellow tags.
Question everything.
Be skeptical.
Parnoid, even.
Stay woke.
Because you know what happens when you read the words but don't do the math?
Dupage.
Dupage ensues.
That's a line in one of my songs. Not dupage, but the part about reading words and doing the math.
Basic skillz. Long term impact. That sort of theme.
Like, one time in Kroger, Mike and I were milling around the meat department.
It was probably a Friday night because we used to go to the grocery store for a hot date.
You know, nothing like a hot date in the frozen section.
At the end of one of those tubular open freezer sections that houses prepackaged fish and turkey parts, there were several 2 lb packages of Perdue chicken breasts.
With little yellow tags.
Interest = piqued.
I looked closer.
Breath = bated.
Manger special.
They had marked down the price from $3.99 a pound to $.99 a pound.
I couldn't believe my eyes.
I was so skeptical like a regular ol' doubting Thomas of Kroger.
The chicken gospel was such a good deal, I just couldn't believe.
Why weren't the other customers flocking to this area?
Why was there any discounted chicken left?
I took one of the packages in hand, marched to the closest butcher/doctor (they both wear white coats) and asked something like, "Um, excuse me. Hi. Hello. Is this for real?"
And he smiled and said yes. And then in true Jansen fashion, I walked praying-mantis style back to the section and proceeded to pile 6 of the packages in our cart.
It might have been 8.
But man, did that feel like a win.
I think it must similar to the rush that shoplifters feel after a successful heist.
I need to go check the mail.
No mail.
Another thing that Dollar General did today was turn their bargain bin into just...a bin.
Seriously.
They had some deodorant with, wait for it- little yellow tags - for $5.
And you go to the deodorant aisle, and there is the same product, sans little yellow tag, for the very same price.
Sidebar:
How is it that in a culture of heightened gender equality awareness kerfuffle, no one talks about the price discrepancy in gender specific products? Everyone loves to jump on the "women make $.75 on the dollar than men do" claim, but no one is talking about how women's products are marked up at least 50% more than men's.
Old spice deodorant? $2.35
Secret deodorant? $5
True story.
I mean, those are the 2 best smelling deodorants, so that's all that matters.
I'll be walking around sweating and smelling like a teenage boy just to save some cash.
Anyway, I was disheartened by the lack of bargain in such a bin.
Cat food? 50 cents? Oh, well, great, because that's normal price.
All the bin was, really, was where an associate noticed a misplaced item in store, took object to where item should have been, put the price on a little yellow tag, and then re-located the item to the "CLEARANCE" section.
Oh, the dupage.
It's like the time Goodwill employees started noticing high-end products in their inventory. Instead of pricing them at thrift store value like the thrift store they are, they have the audacity to mark those items above and beyond the normal pricing.
Why would I even bother with the store if I'm going to buy a secondhand product for a firsthand price?
I'm not sure if they do it to make more money or just to crush the spirit of us snip-lovers.
Snip is the British term for "steal" or a "good deal".
And Sniply adds your custom call-to-action to any page on the web, allowing you to engage your followers through every link you share.
Sniply sniply!
So stay woke friends, comrades, and fellow bargain shoppers.
Stay woke.
Also, since we shaved Sam, we're really starting to question his gender.
What if he's been Samantha this whole time,
TWS
