Acreage

What do you do when you find a garden spider in your yard?
Make a British documentary of course.





If Sam was a crustacean, he'd be a soft belly crab,
TWS

Unnecessities

Why do I have a stomachache after vegetable soup?
That's weird.
The way you spell stomachache is also weird.
It's a word that could go on forever.
Stomachachachachachachachache
Kind of like banananananananana.

The Modern Farmer came in the mail the other day, and I was so happy.

As some of you know, I get magazines for free because I recycle.
Every few months or so, I'll get those pesky final issue notices and so I'll go see what they have out there.
Recently, I've been subscribed to magazines like Shape, Health, Self, Running, Bicycling and other one word titles. After a while, they all start to blend together into a bunch of topics in which I am no longer interested.
I mean, how many shoe buying guides do I really need?
(zero)
The truth is that any useful information in these can be found online, so it's probably just a way for corporations to market products to me while I'm reading them doing unmentionable things.
I don't care what beauty products celebrities use, or what anti-aging cream I should use at ages 35, 45, and 55.

So this time, I decided to subscribe to something completely different.
The Modern Farmer.
It's a quarterly magazine instead of monthly, but it's nice and thick like a piece of cheesecake.
It talks about people making a living by doing things with their hands.
It's amazing, and I really like it.
To quote Hyde when accused of watching Little House on the Prairie, "It reminds me of a simpler time."

I think there are deeper reasons of why reading about farming is far, far more interesting to me than reading about things marketed to women.
I feel like I am one of the lowest-maintenance females on this planet. and I think I've become even more so after marrying Mike because he's one of the lowest-maintenance people ever.

But here's something you may not have known about Mike:
He is a BEAUTY GENIUS.

Let me show you some cool pictures from our trip.

Road trips are fun.

So we get there, and the view from our cabin was awesomesauce.

And this was a fancy cabin, too, with carpet in the bathrooms, guys. Carpet. In the bathroom. Guys.

So I was like "Miiiiiiiiiike. I feel so grooooooooooss. I haven't washed my face all day and I feel disgusting."

And in all his earthy wisdom, he said: "Don't wash your face so much. It'll make you break out. Just rinse with water."

Clown barf hat ftw.

And then at night, I was like, "Miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike. I don't feel like showeringggggggggggggggg."
And in all his earthy wisdom, he said, "So don't."

The next day: MOUNTAIN SELFIES.

Look how not-disgusting my hair looks.

I even got it to do that cool flippy bang thing.

And when we went hiking, the good looking-ness continued.

MOUNTAIN GOATS.

Eating lunch under the bridge by the river.

Fixing hair in the camera reflection.

Hiking without aviators is not as cool as hiking with aviators.

"Let's take fake engagement pictures by the waterfall!"

How does my neck even move at this angle? ____creepy____

But I don't think I've ever had a more photogenic hike than this one.

Key points from this article:
1. I like the Modern Farmer
2. Makeup and showers: less is more.
3. The trip to NC was fun and way too short.

And here's Mike and Mark having a thumb war with oven mitts on.

We're all dude-bros,
TWS

Content

My parents' yardwork is so much better than mine.

I know that's a weird sentence to say, but it's a true story.
Over the weekend, I helped my dad on the saw mill with sweeping and stacking wood. It was a beautiful day on Saturday, and I just felt like being outside all day in the nice breeze and shade.

I remember all the things my dad used to say to me to try and get me to do yardwork when I was a lazy bum.
I didn't believe him at the time, but all of them are true.
"It's good exercise!"
"You'll feel great!"
"You'll look at what you did and feel accomplished!"
"You get paid for it!"

Now that I'm a "grown-up", I guess that last one isn't true anymore.

So then I come back to my other home, and everything just seems so LAME.
I am not motivated at all to do chores or yardwork or cook or even shower.

TMI? TMI.

How do you bridge the gap between having to and wanting to?
Needing to and "getting" to?
Whining to whistling?

I feel like things are easier when they're not exactly my responsibility.
Like, I'm a way better helper.

Let's contrast and compare:
("Lift up your shirt; the wound isn't there." - Bright Eyes)
"Allie, please do the dishes." - NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
"Allie, can you help me with the dishes?" - ABSOLUTELY I WILL.

Even with cooking, I task Mike to help me, where helping is either chopping an onion or stirring cookie batter. Sometimes, it's even standing there watching and talking to me.

So maybe it's just the chores I have to do alone that suck monkey bars.

Think about that.
Sucking monkey bars.
How many germs from how many kids.
Pretty terrible, right?
Yes.

Blogging is a grown-up version of whining,
TWS