Straight Up Ideas

This morning I walked into the kitchen, and there was an enormous, hairy spider in the sink. It was like a baby tarantula. I gasped, sighed, stirred sugar into my coffee, and said, "It's too early for spiders," because it was, and then I walked back into my room and closed the door.
So yeah. Now there's a baby tarantula lurking in my apartment because I lacked the courage and fortitude to kill it this morning. As long as it doesn't crawl across my face, I think I'll be okay.

No one has said I look cute all day.
It's hurting my vanity of which I'm well aware.

I have had some major capital outlays recently:

Capital Outlay #1:
I had to buy a new bookbag last week because my old (not so trusty) one started ripping at the seams. I have my governmental book to thank for that. Plus, it was moldy and smelled like a nursing home and really old peanut butter, so I needed an upgrade. Now I have spiffy built-in back support and -get this- water bottle holders!!!

Capital Outlay #2:
I had to buy a watch because apparently you can't use cell phones to tell time during exams. Why have I not needed a watch until my senior year? Because the tests have never been this long and terrible.
So I got a nice, leather dark brown one with chrome detail, and it has been ever so helpful. I just hope it doesn't get out of sync over time and start lagging behind.
I hate when clocks do that.
I'm like- you have ONE job to do, and you can't even do that one thing.
So now you're just a bracelet.
That nobody wants to wear.

Capital Outlay #3:
I have to apply for graduate school this weekend! I've been approved for senior privilege, so now they need proof that I can fill out a form online and pay $50. It's pretty crazy, though. Not even three years ago, I was sitting in Bozeman's economics class and playing Crows and Cranes with NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO JERSEY!!!!!!!! in high school personal fitness. And now I'm applying to grad school.
Wow.

I need to make a flow chart or something.
Flow charts help me organize my problems into colorful circles and arrows.
But I need your input.
It's almost October and I have no idea what I should do for a job next semester. I'll have Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays completely free, and though I really want to spend that time sewing and pwning upper division accounting, I should probably earn some money instead.

Option 1: Stay with student accounts.
Pros:
Super convenient and flexible.
Costs virtually nothing to get here.
Nothing new to learn.
Cons:
Answering the same stupid questions and having to smile about it.
No opportunities for growth.
Minimum wage sux.

Option 2: Try to get a job at that little CPA office in Savannah.
Pros:
REAL experience during TAX season OMG!
Could maybe lead into a full time opportunity
Carpool with boyfriend!
Not minimum wage! I would seriously switch for $7.26.
Getting to dress professionally!
Cons:
Having to dress professionally! (it's a love/hate thing)
1 hour commute, 3 times a week
Whole bunch of stuff to learn
Having to balance time with school- which means I really can't do any extracurriculars, which is great for me, but bad for my resume.

Plus, I'm not even sure if I can even get the job. I just need to know if I should try. So this is where I need some input from you guys because I think about this like every day and still haven't been able to make up my mind.

Audience: "And why should we trust you?"
Ben Wyatt: "Because I'm trusty...trustworthy."
♥ Parks and Rec.

So:
Option 1: Stay where it's nice and comfy, but with annoyingly low morale and wages.
Option 2: Be awesome and follow my dreams, but with certain uncertainty.

Sophie's Choice,
TWS

If it's in you to climb...

...then climb you must.
And there's your little bit of Emily of New Moon for today.

Michael Porter is a genius. If and when I open my clothing boutique slash pizza plus techie store (called either Radio Bungalow or Pizza Shack; dig it) slash CPA office, his ideas in his article on strategy are going to be like my Bible!
Aside from the actual Bible.
But really- they're that valuable.
And you can't go wrong with a name like Mike. ;)

I was just kidding about the Pizza Bungalow thing. It was a spoof idea from combining Pizza Hut and Radio Shack into one pizza-eating phone-shopping endeavor. I actually haven't done enough market research to support the creation of such an enterprise, but feel free to capitalize on this idea.

You're welcome.

Mike doesn't have a microwave. One time, I had to pop popcorn at my house and then bring it to his house to watch a movie. Another time, he ordered pizza for Monday night football and had to eat cold leftovers all week because he had no way to reheat it.
And he wasn't about to grill a piece of pizza.
So since Mike Sr. was at said Monday night football night, he is now sending Mike Jr. a money order so he can buy a microwave. I told Mike that these funds were "restricted" because he can't spend the money on anything else but a microwave, since it's not in unreserved fund balance.
Governmental "humor".

Last night, I had a tax dream nightmare about missing my tax exam.
As if the test this morning wasn't nightmarish enough.

Dear people who come to the front desk:
Don't be mad at me! I don't control when the administrators take lunch breaks! And if I did, they'd be 30 minutes and staggered.
Instead of 1 hour 15 minutes and simultaneous. (true story)
I have a whole BOX full of suggestions for improving Georgia Southern.
Well, actually, right now it's just a list.
But I could put that list in a box, then I'll put that box inside of another box, and then I'll mail that box to myself, and when it arrives!??!?!
I'LL SMASH IT WITH A HAMMER!!!!!!!!!

And then they decide to vacuum the lobby in the middle of the afternoon.
What. The. Heck.

I'm so glad today is Tuesday. A nice, easy, corpulent Tuesday.
My Canadian teacher says Wednesday with three syllables.
Except he does this weird thing with the "nes" part, so it sounds like Wed-ens-day.
But maybe the rest of us are weird by pronouncing it like Wens-day.
Wednesday is a weird word.
And my Intermediate II professor says bolth.
Especially when he's talking about using bolth the gross and net methods for recording sales.

I hate when people find out that I'm "smart" and then they ask, "Yo momma smart, too?"
What am I supposed to say to that?
"No; my parents are idiots, but they raised me to be a fetching genius."
Yes, of course my mum is smart.
And stop asking me dumb questions.

Food for eating: Banana nut muffins.

Food for thought: Ethics training. Can you really train someone to know the difference between right and wrong to guide them into choosing the right when faced with temptation? Or is ethics something with which you're born and raised? Is strengthened when ethical choices yield positive reinforcement or weakened when temptation triumphs and actions aren't punished?
Are companies wasting thousands of dollars in ethics training programs only to be swindled out of even more money by the employees who ignore the training?
Is the training even effective?
Wouldn't they just be better off hiring "good" people instead of spending money in an attempt to turn their employees to be ethical?
And what makes you consider a "good" person good?

I could go on and on with the questions, if I wanted to. Then I could conduct a bunch of research with snazzy statistics, write a whole research paper, (maybe even enroll in a PhD program so I could use this for my thesis), get peer-reviewed, and then get published!

But I'd rather just think about it and eat banana nut muffins.

Please let me know if anyone got the Emperor's New Groove reference,
TWS

Out of Bounds

Here's a true story:

Friday:
(7:00-10:00) Intermediate II
Saturday:
(11:00-2:00) Tax
(3:00-6:00) Governmental
Sunday:
(10:30-12:30) Managerial II
(12:30-1:30) Tax
(2:30-4:00) AIS
(4:00-4:30) Governmental

That's a depressing weekend of 14 hours of homework and studying.
But such is life.

I typed this post one handed laying facedown on Mike's couch on my iPad,
TWS

Sweet Tea Sticks

Today, I was walking behind a guy who was wearing linen pants.
It. Was. Awesome.
I wanted to touch them.
But I decided that refraining would be less weird.
So I refrained.

Cupcakery,
TWS

Note Disclosures

You should know upfront that:
Only approximately 29% of you will find this post amusing. And part of your amusement is just because you’re too giggly. Let’s account for this:

My blog post 100
Realized amusement 29
Deferred amusement 71

And then when others of you find it funny later on in life:

Deferred amusement 57
Realized amusement 57

As you can see, I’m doing governmental accounting because I’m just pulling random accounts out of my butt and assigning numbers to them.

And it’s happening again.
I’m having accounting dreams. I shall account for them with some more journal entries!

Sleep 7
Dreams about clothes 1

Dreams about going to school naked 1
Dreams about going home 2

Dreams about accounting 3

See, sleep is an asset, which is why we debit that, and then dreams are more like equity accounts, so we credit those.
But the thing about dreaming about accounting is that it actually REDUCES the quality of sleep because you don’t wake up refreshed. You just wake up wondering if you should really take the tax class next semester and drop governmental accounting while you still have the chance. It’s more like an expenditure…

Ergo:

Expenditure: Dreams about making a 79 on my first governmental test 1
Sleep 1

And see, we credit the asset to decrease it.

The weird thing about having the dream about going to school naked was because I knew it was a dream in the dream. I was like, "Dad said everybody has this dream." And I realized my exposure while I was walking to the bus stop. I never go to the bus stop in reality. But the weather was SO real and windy. Then I woke up and the fan was on, which could account for the breeziness.

Haha. Account.

Anyway- accounting dreams challenge me to not make 79s on my first test, so I now live and breathe accounting. I’d be wrong to say I hate it. I even think I eat it.

Poop 1400
Food 1400

(accounted for in calories, not dollars)
~To record digestion~

Also, I was wrong about making babies for the sole purpose of the child tax credit. This is apparently “tax evasion” and, as a future accountant, I’m like ethically required to advise against such things. And I’ve been ethical for quite some time now.
That’s what a summer of all yard work and no pay will do to a 3rd grader.
True story.

So how’s about the WEATHER CHANGED?
It reminds me of being at a place that’s not here. And marching band competitions. (STILL?)

And here’s a picture of some goobers at the park:

At the time, I was wearing a sweater dress, brown tights, and my $2 thrift store boots.
But this isn’t a fashion blog, so I’ll leave it at that.

I told Brian that I wanted to stab the song in the face with a fork.
Why would I want to stab the song in the face with a fork?
I think the song speaks for itself. You really only need to listen to the first 22 seconds of it to get the gist.

Listen here.

But other than that, life is pretty fun.
And fun is just 11 letters away from fund accounting.

GAH!

6 foot 7 foot 8 foot bunch,
TWS

Source Document

I have breaking news.

So remember that time I was typing up that scholarship essay on Mike's MacBook and then I accidentally deleted all of it (and then everyone and their mom gave me advice on how to avoid that happening in the future) and then I had to rewrite it all from memory?

I SO got the scholarship!
So that's $600 going straight toward next semester!
And guess what, GUYS?
It's an exclusion from my gross income.
True story.

I must have a kick-ass immune system. I got over that sickness thing in like 3-4 days.
I guess this means I don't have AIDS.
Sweet.

Have you ever tried making hot cocoa with coffee instead of water or milk? It's pretty exciting. And I think I'm starting to break my coffee-MUST-HAVE-INTERNATIONAL-DELIGHT-HAZELNUT-CREAMER-IN-IT habit. Regular creamer and sugar is deliciousness, and switching should save me roughly $8 a month.
Which means I can afford Netflix.

As if I have time for Netflix.
Bah.

I had to quit that club for which I was going to be a candidate.
I realized that, even if I did have eight legs, there is no way I could take 18 upper division hours, do well in said hours, be secretary for Accounting Association, serve on the COBA Student Advisory Board, work 15 hours a week, and remain "the best girlfriend in the world" if I was to be in this club.

There are remarkable diminishing returns on having eight legs.

Plus, they were going to make me sell discount cards.
Read: do fund-raising.
And that was the last straw.

I read A Pearl for Earl again the other week. I should probably publish that.

I have an interview with an accounting firm next Thursday.
"WHAT?"
I know, right?
I'm not looking for a full-time position until Spring 2013 when I can actually do an internship, and I told them this, but they apparently still want to talk to me.
I guess it's because I have such an enthralling personality.

Disclaimer: I really do not mean to be arrogant or stupid-sounding by making these smug comments about myself (like having a great personality or AIDS). They are meant to be ironic or sarcastic statements. So don't take me too seriously. Life is a beach, and I'm just playing in the sand.

Man, I am in such a GOOD MOOD.

And I'm pretty good at inventory cost assumptions,
TWS

Accounting for Colds

The bad thing about not getting sick for a while is that the pain and symptoms collect and compound semi-annually for the 18 months without sickness, so that when you have the sickness, it's that much worse.

It took me like 10 minutes to write that sentence.
It made way more sense in my head.

I think NyQuil is one of Dr. Pepper's 23 flavors.

TWS

A Diaper Situation

I saw a dead turtle the other day. It had no head.
"How do you know that it wasn't just hiding in its shell?"
Because it had a neck with pieces of flesh still attached to it.
True story.

On the other hand, I laughed for about 2 minutes over this:














That came from this.
"He's slow to adopt new fashions."

Quick updates:
School: still busy
Work: still annoying
Boyfriend: still love him
Canada: still would like to visit some day

Yesterday, I got cussed out at work.
Don't worry- it wasn't my fault.
But it still wasn't nice.
Nevertheless, I held my cool.
Because that's what makes the awesomesauce so awesome.
And if you don't have awesomesauce, then WHAT DO YOU HAVE?

(according to my calculations, I should be earning approximately $14 an hour)
(but apparently no one cares about my calculations)

Anyone who knows me knows that I am not a fan of profanity- even though it has the word 'fan' in it, and you know how I love puns.
But if Profanity was a page on Facebook, I would not "become a fan" nor would I "like" it.
If profanity was served a la carte from a menu, I would not order it. Even if it tasted like rice krispie treats.
But I should warn you that the next paragraph has some profanity in it. This may cause a lot of my readers to lose respect for me, but that's okay. I'm willing to risk my writing career for this.

It's amazing to me the importance of the word "the" in our culture. Somehow, something that is "shit" is the opposite of something that is "the shit".
If someone would like to explain this discrepancy to me, I'd be much obliged.
Otherwise, I apologize for my ruthless and uncouth behavior.

I've discovered that everyone is either engaged or married.
And I'm like super crazy insanely jealous.
Girls in my accounting classes with these diamond-shaped diamonds on their fingers.
Getting to plan a honeymoon.
Using fancy words like 'husband' and 'fiance' with the word "my" in front of them.
Having someone to come home to.
To go hiking with*.
*With whom to go hiking.

I covet.

"Allie, you're 20. It'll happen in time."
Mmk.

Question: If you take someone's property, but then you burn it, is it considered larceny or arson?
Answer: Larsony.

The weather is changing, and so am I.

Sebastian is only a cool name if you're a cool person,
TWS

Twenty Versus Ten

I realized today that there is no classy way to eat a banana.

TWS