Firequirks

Am I the only one that doesn't see the obsession people have with Starbucks coffee?

I know I'm going out quite on a far, far limb here with a lot of people.
Like- a lot a lot of people.
But I don't get it.
An over-priced sub-par coffee in a cup with my name misspelled on it?
Awesome. I know exactly why I paid $4 for this.

It's like the same obsession that people have with Apple products.
Once loyal, forever-to-the-end-of-death-even-if-it's-an-inferior-product loyal.
Despite-their-stupid-iPhone5-commercials-with-that-annoying-guy-and-all-the-ballerina-kids-where-he-says-cheeeeeeese-in-a-really-terrible-voice-and-spins-around-to-get-a-panoramic-picture. Loyal.

But wait.
Let me guess.
Your coffee doesn't get viruses.

So I'm sitting there with my iPad last night.
Hey, I feel like watching some Netflix.
Note: I watched Netflix on my iPad the night before.
So I open the app, and it wants me to install this new app.

Typical.

So I go to install the new app, and it "requires iOS5" which is Apple love language for HAHA UR SYSTEM IS SOOOOOOOO OLD IT FARTS DUST LOLOLOL.

My iPad has become NEGATIVELY useful.
I mean, it wasn't useful before. It was just a substitute for something better.

But now? My iPad and me?

We might as well be strangers in another town.
We might as well be living in another time.
#keane

In other news, my boss asked me if I had any plans for tonight.
Tonight = New Year's Eve
My reply = Sleeping

Did I seriously just say that?
I'm either the most boring person or the most pragmatic.
And you kids would straight up murder me if I told you how much sleep I got this weekend.

I wish I could bank sleep.
Store it.
Earn interest on it.
Save it for when I really need it and can't have it.
Business Idea #...oh wait. That one's actually impossible.

If I had an actual New Year's party to go to, I might.

You: Might? What? OMG, Allie, you love parties/dressing up/drinks/counting!

Yeah, but it's New Year's and it's cold, and the only one I really want to spend New Year's with is right here in my living room...installing...something.  And I honestly think hanging out with him is more fun than some crazy party.

I miss summer. And my long hair.

Something amazing is going to happen in 2013.
I just know it.

With the sun in your eyes and on your own,
TWS

Eyelashes

I'm going to make a New Year's resolution to never make a New Year's resolution.

Done!

Because a healthy, cliche list of new year's resolutions is lame and doesn't get accomplished.

"Be more kind and loving."
"Smile at someone every day."
"Lose 10 pounds."
"Eat healthier."

A list of crap I'm actually going to do in 2013 will not be lame and will get accomplished.

1. Grow out my hair to be long again.
2. Pass the CPA exam.
3. Reward myself for passing the CPA exam.
4. Enjoy steady employment.

Me: Do you think I act my age?
Mike: Well, you still laugh at the word 'poo'--
Me: HAHAHAHAAAAAAAA POOO!!!!!!!!!! DOODOO!!!!!!!!!
Mike: So there's your answer.

Youth's the most unfaithful mistress,
TWS

Beard

I have pictures and true stories.

We stayed at one of the worst hotels ever.
Let me rephrase that.
We stayed at one of the worst valued hotels ever.
You may think that $199 a night would include the normal amenities that a normal $199 a night hotel would have. But it wanted to charge us separately for everything and disclose this information in a really tiny place.
For example, we got in from our 5.5 hour drive and found some water waiting for us.
Awesome! Water!

If only Admiral Ackbar had been there to warn us.

It was a $4 per bottle trap.
And we didn't find out until today.

So then we were all tired and just wanted to chill with some Netflix and How I Met Your Mother.

Only we come to find out that the internet costs $9.95 every 24 hours.

Like ARE YOU SERIOUS.
This hotel doesn't have free WiFi OR a continental breakfast and it's $199 a night?
WHAT except the extremely comfortable king sized bed ARE WE PAYING FOR?

And on top of all that, they were rewiring all the elevators, so it took forever to get down from the sixth floor because the elevators would go up and down and up and down and back up again before they went back down.

Mike and I would joke about all the other things they might charge us for.
Oh, you used the little shampoo and conditioner? That'll be $2.00. Each.
And then they claimed to be a "green" hotel trying to recycle and do laundry less and what not, so we joked about that, too.
We have it on record that you used the lamps instead of the natural lighting. There will be an extra $25 added to your final bill.

Don't worry. We didn't pay $199 a night.
And we are never ever going back to a Sheraton.

Also, while I'm in whining mode, let me say that women are ridiculous.
Everywhere we went, there was like this huge line for the women's restroom while the guys were able to go in and out like as freely as oxygen can pass between the phospho-lipid bilayer of a cell membrane.

(Does anyone understand that simile? #APbiologyFTW)

But the women were taking FOREVER. Gas stations, restaurants, rest areas, restrooms, pretty much any place with the word 'rest' in it. I was really wishing I was a guy just so I wouldn't have so much bathroom traffic.
Geez.
Thank goodness football is a men's game. The ladies room was perfectly acceptable at the stadium.

Ah, the stadium:

I KNOW, RIGHT?
It made me want to be a Buccaneer's fan just by looking at all the pirate scenery.
Hoist the flags, ready the krewe, fire the cannons.
They fired cannons every time the buccaneers scored.
Which wasn't much (haha- burn), but there were fireworks, guys, FIREWORKS.

And we got first row seats.

And sunburns.
But it was so cool. I know you have no clue who the Rams are, but after having Mike yell and scream every Sunday at these guys, I began to feel a personal connection with them.

So when Johnny Hekker, the punter, is standing right there in front of you...

It's: OMG JOHNNY HEKKER IS STANDING RIGHT THERE!!!!

<whining>
I don't like cheerleaders. At all.
</whining>

And, I'm probably doing this "without the NFL's consent", but I know how you all love a good video.

So here's a video of a touchdown:

Yes, that is Mike going "LET'S GO SAM!!!!! YES SIR!!!!!!! WOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TOUCHDOWN!!!!!!!!!!!"

He told me not to post that, but I'm already breaking rules, so why not.

Before the game:

After the game:

#prayerworks

And I have one final story to tell.

Saturday night, we checked into the hotel late afternoon, and then we decided to go eat. Neither of us were craving anything in particular, so we just wanted to window shop to see what we felt like eating.

Chili's? No. Steak & Shake? No. Taco Bell? No.

It's like we couldn't decide on anything. 

And then I was like, "I kind of feel like pizza."

We drove on this road that must have been 5-10 miles long filled with restaurants, nude bars, and equipment rental places. Mike was skeptical of food places that he didn't know, but I wanted pizza, so I suggest that we stop into a little place that said "PIZZA" on it that was part of the plaza. 

Mike: "No, no. That looks sketchy. I don't want to eat there. What if you get food poisoning?"

Me: "I don't care. I want pizza. And you know places that specialize in just PIZZA are the best. You know- like just a slice of this nice, greasy, New York style pizza oozing in cheese with pepperoni all fallin' off... And then I'll get a salad at Wendy's."

Mike: "Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine. Look for it."

So we turn around and start heading back this smorgasbord of restaurants, nude bars, and equipment rental places. 

I looked for it everywhere, but I could not find my sketchy "PIZZA" place!! And before I knew it, we were back at the beginning of the road.

Mike wanted me to settle for something else, but at this point, I had made too much of a deal about this pizza place that I saw and I was determined to find it.

Poor Mike for putting up with me.

So we're creeping along for the third time on this road looking for this little place. We finally find it again and park at Firehouse subs because this place was even too small for its own parking.

We go in, and it turned out to be this nice, humble little homemade Italian pizza joint with pizza for $1.67 a slice. 

"Paci's Pizza" it was.

They led us to a table, and we looked over the menu and decided to stop our arduous search and eat there.

So I got my big, ol' greasy slice of pizza.

It was so huge, they had to bring it out spread across two paper plates.

And then I got this huge, I mean HUGE salad.

It came in one of those big deep 16'' diameter metal bowls we used to feed the dogs with.

I crap you not.

Meanwhile, Mike orders a "roll" which is apparently "like a stromboli except rolled less times".

Whatever that means.

That was also about 16 inches long, and he absolutely loved it.

Mike: "I take back everything *gulp* I said about this place."

In my experience, hole-in-the-wall restaurants are the best kind. Chicago- awesome taco place; New York- awesome Chinese place; Tampa Bay- awesome pizza place. They're family run, and though they may lack in ample seating room, they make up for it in taste (and also price). 

So that was the trip. We got little souvenir Tampa Bay Buccaneer ornaments when we got to the game.

I'm going to go hang them on the tree we don't have.

Merry Christmas, from us.

Can't wait to say "from the Harshners",

TWS

Espy

How did I ever forget about Autosum?

Σ,
TWS

Stegosaurus

I'm so glad the 1099-MISC has a box just for "fishing boat proceeds".
Otherwise, I wouldn't know where to put them.

Oooooh...you can like *feel* the sarcasm right there.

So how about Mike and I are a Nielsen Family now?
We got the box in the mail with 2 cool dollars in it.
I was filling out the survey and they were like, "Have you ever heard of the Nielsen company before?"
I checked "yes" and wrote next to it because of Family Guy.
Because that's a true story.

Today's discussion: credit cards.

I applied for one last week and got an anorexic envelope in the mail today with the much feared,
"Not enough accounts opened long enough to establish a credit history."

And you know how like people are all, "Credit card companies target college students."
This is a lie.
A DAMNABLE LIE.
I have tried and tried and tried to get a credit card, but it's like getting a job.
Nobody wants you unless you have experience.
But somehow flippant, irresponsible 20 somethings are able to get them.
I guess they know people.

Anyway, I guess I'll "establish" myself with a "starter card" and get no "cash back".

It's just that they really shouldn't make commercials with blue electric guitars so catchy.
Disappointed Allie is disappointed.

<spontaneity>

Dear ^.^ or :3 or <._.>,
I miss you!
And you never sent me the link to the program we made.
Sincerely,
BAI 8015
P.S. I really hope you understood that.

</spontaneity.>

Yesterday, there was no legal paper in the printer.
But I couldn't find any in storage, so I took some legal paper out of another printer.
Is that considered stealing?
Did it become illegal paper?

...

That was so bad it was good.

In Soviet Russia, dinner has you,
TWS

Clothespins

"Take a deep breath and you walk through the doors; it's the morning of your very first day."
-Taylor Swift

And that's the only part of that song that really applies here.
Except maybe the "La la la la la" part.

My first day was awesome.
And my office is awesome.
And the green tea that I bought from the Dollar Tree is awesome.
(seriously- 80 bags of tea-y goodness for $1)

But most of all, I like what I do.
Today, I got to reconcile some bank statements.
Do you know how unbelievably life-fulfilling that is?
No?
Ok. Well, you're not me and that's understandable because no one's me-er than me according to Dr. Seuss.
But the best part about my job is...my job.
And that's a win.

However, I do have a public service announcement for Savannah drivers:

TO SAVANNAH DRIVERS COLON

YOU WERE BEING SO GOOD DOWNTOWN STOP YOU WERE MOVING AND YOU WERE SO WONDERFUL STOP AND THEN YOU GOT ON THE INTERSTATE AND GOT RETARDED STOP AND I AM NOT USING THE WORD RETARDED IN A DEROGATORY SENSE STOP YOU WERE SERIOUSLY BEING SLOW STOP STOP BEING SO SLOW STOP STOP IT STOP

Ok. We're good.
Until tomorrow at 5:45.

I think it'd be cool to make a workout program called Pontius Pilates. It would be like having an ancient Roman governor for your personal trainer.
Or like Richard Simmons being a Roman governor.
Don't you even think about doing less butt crunches than suggested.

Mike: You weren't planning on going anywhere tonight, right?
Me: Right. Unless, you know, duty called.
Mike: Who's duty?

"Explosive touchdowns" sounds way more exciting than it really is,
TWS

Culmination

Today is my last day of school.
Ever.

I feel like I should be more excited about this than I am.
I guess I'm finally achieving that "stoicism" I've been talking about.

But I have a victory song.

AND YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO IT.
RIGHT NOW.

What is it worth, what is it worth
Have you given up on freedom
You spent your life earning the keys to set you free
When you were free all along

Comma The Whimsical Scribbler,
TWS

Company

Here's a piece of advice: never say yes to a dirty martini.

I know it may seem like a good idea.
(A new drink where you can act like Blair Waldorf drinking it.)
But JUST. SAY. NO.

Mike and I went to a Christmas party.

I really do wear clothes to events like this, I promise.

See?

Upon our arrival, they offered us two drink tickets each. 

Mike got a 7&7 and I got a fruity juicy vodka thing. Something Bruce from IT recommended. 

I was feeling...twirly.

And it was delicious.

Later I was ready for something different.

Now- something about these open bars is that you have to have back up drinks.

For example, if you want an amaretto sour and they don't have any amaretto, you gotta go to plan 2 and get something that they do have.

So in my mind, I was like, "Ok. Margarita. Then whiskey sour. And then 7&7 if nothing else."

And then for some reason when it came my turn, I asked for a martini.

The bartender was like, "Now I can't do anything fancy like apple or whatever; I can only do a dirty martini."

Me: "That's fine."

Vodka and olive juice.

THE worst drink I have ever tasted.

With every sip it got worse and worse, just like wine.

I said, "Mike, I'll give you $20 if you can finish this."

Mike: "Do I have to eat the olives at the bottom?"

Me: "No."

He could barely down one sip of it.

This was terrible, guys. I was so upset that I had wasted my last drink ticket.

Haha. Wasted.

So then we had a dinner, walked around, took pictures, looked at the karaoke list.

Trudy: Karaoke is Japanese for "empty orchestra".

Ted: That's hauntingly beautiful.

Mike gave me his other drink ticket and I ordered a cosmopolitan.
I don't know if it tasted good just because I just hated the martini so much or if it was actually a good drink.
Anyhow, cosmo = new fav drink.

We talked with his boss, danced to a slow song and left.
It was pretty chill. It's hard to party hard with older people that you don't know.
At all.
Then Mike and I walked around downtown Savannah so that I could show him my new firm.
And there it was. Hidden in the middle of the block.
Mike: "Wow. You really do work at Platform nine and three quarters."

So that was the event of the weekend.
Remember: Dirty martinis can happen to anyone.
But don't let them happen to you.

Now, it's about to get really cute in here.

Are you ready for this?

I don't think you're ready for this.

OH MY GOODNESS!!!!

Kitties are just paws and jaws,
TWS

If you're out there

Dear You,

Yes, you.
It wasn't about you.

And I miss my friend.

Downtown Savannah is nothing like Cincinnati,
TWS

Permanent Markers

Well, I'm done working out.
Guess it's time to go put the Ragu and peanut butter back in the pantry.
(those are what I use for weights)
There's a fine line between resourcefulness and laziness.

Banana time.

I actually broke down and bought Apple stock today.
Just 2 shares.
Here's to hoping it returns to its pretentious $700/share soon.
*clinks glasses together because I blog alone*

I woke up today and thought, "Man, I want a tuna sandwich today."
So I made one.
And then I made a perfect hard-boiled egg, chopped it up, put it on the sandwich.
Paprika!
Pepper!
Lettuce!
So good.

I totally skipped class today.
I usually do this once a semester.
Justification/rationalization: I'm not going to drive 45 minutes to review a list of topics I can review on my own and drive 45 minutes back.
#sleptin
#savedgasmoney
#spentthattimestudying

Last time I was home, I helped decorate for Christmas.
Dad came in from the shop, and Mum asked, "Do you want to help decorate?"
He said, "No; it looks like you've guys got it. Allie's even added my special touches."

 The mantelpiece:

Candle holders, rearranged:

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas,

TWS

Lists

This is a list of men's apparel that I abhor:
1. Bowties
2. Skinny ties
3. Cardigans
4. Braided belts
5. Shorts that are too far above the knee
6. Jean shorts
7. Crocs
8. Shoes that go like this:



Don't even get me started on women's apparel.

This is what happens when Mike talks about Assassin's Creed:

Mike: Did you just roll your eyes?

Me: No- I just had to look up at the ceiling real fast.

This is a list of weird things I've eaten:

1. A coffee bean- horrible; this was done on a dare in a store.
2. Basil leaf- also horrible and done on a dare
3. Octopus- this I actually ordered and it would've been okay had it not been swimming in cucumber sauce
4. Radish straight from the garden- very potatoey and not spicy at all.

This is a true story:
Mike and I went to the strangest Wal-Mart the other day.

And I'm on kind of this boycott of Wal-Mart right now because that whole store, including  its freaking parking lot, just ticks me out of my ever loving mind.
Then again, I refuse to pay $2.99 for popcorn seasoning at Publix when I know it's a dollar less at Wal-Mart.

So we went to "pick up a few things."

And, as I have mentioned, I was going for popcorn seasoning.

In a normal, logical grocery store, usually the chips are by the 'snacks' and the nuts and the crackers and cookies and sometimes diapers (?) are all in the same aisle. Including popcorn.

But in this asinine place, the chips were in one aisle, the crackers were in another one 7 aisles down, and then there was this obscure area in the back labeled "Beverages".
So I go to the chip aisle, no popcorn.
Snack aisle, no popcorn.

I would just like to know when popcorn became a beverage.
Because there it was. By the alcohol and soda. Under "Beverages".

Their argument (probably some marketing person): Well, uh, you know, some people like to have some snacks with their drinks, so we put them by each other to increase, uh, sales.

Complimentary items, eh? That's understandable.
But then why are their two other aisles nowhere near this other place with other very snackable items?

itjustdoesn'tmakelogicalsense

And then Mike was looking for garlic bread, so we had to trek all over the frozen food area to find it. Apparently garlic bread is now a breakfast food.

So yeah. Strangest Wal-Mart ever.
It was eerie, man. Like a different dimension.
And there were so many pregnant women there.
SO many.
Pregnant.
Women.

True story.

This is a list of my favorite months in caps lock:
MAY, JUNE, NOVEMBER

This is a picture of Sam:

He looks like he's about to make a snide comment.
Feel free to caption and re-post.

I kind of miss nested "IF" functions,
TWS

Belief

Am I the only one who thought that high school was ridiculously hard?

Like- it was socially difficult to be in school.
Too many people knew you and what you were up to. And nobody was just chill.

Except for my friend Brian. He was pretty chill.

First, classes started at like 7:30, which means you had to get up at like 6:30, which is waaaaay to flipping early to be alive.
And, sure, you "got home" at like 3:30 if you didn't do any extra curriculars, but by this time your brain was so fried from being inside all day all you could really do was eat salsa and watch That 70s Show. And then you had to do like 2 hours of trig homework and study for AP US History some time before you went to bed.

Then, the classes were a lot harder. I'm not talking about your average English or history class. I'm talking about honors and AP classes where you actually had to be a good writer to get an A. And I'm not really complaining about those because they actually made me a better writer. I'm complaining about the stupid classes like chemistry and physics where nothing ever made sense.

I still don't believe in the atomic theory.

And then there were people. OH, THE PEOPLE.
Maybe it's just something about that age where everyone is just completely intolerant of everyone else. Opinionated. Ignorant. And, worst of all, loud.

It just amazes me that 3.5 years later, I'm still able to complain about how bad high school was.
Maybe it's because I've grown up a lot since then, but my life is so much easier and less stressful now than it ever was.
I remember dreading Sunday nights back then because they meant the end of fun and the beginning to a week of terribleness. But now I'm like- oh, Monday? It's just another easy day.
Maybe I've begun to handle it all better.
Or maybe it's just Mike.

And everyone was like, "College is harder than high school."
And teachers in college are like, "Work is a lot harder than college" and that we'll wish we were in Intermediate III when we get out into the real world.
(maybe this is the case if you work in auditing...?)

I don't believe any of it because college, even grad school, is way easier than high school, and my work experiences have been way easier than college.

Even when the paths are all crookedy,
TWS

Bourgeois

I absolutely love dinner parties.

I mean, regular parties can be great sometimes, but I am always a fan of dinner parties.
I'm also a ceiling fan, especially when it rains.

Have I already said that?
If I have, I'm just letting you know that it's still true.

Anyway, dinner parties are awesome. Something about the Christmas season just makes people want to invite everyone they know and have dinner with them.

And I'm totally down with that.

Some people, when invited to these events are all like, "Mannnnnn I don't wanna go. It's like...all these people, SO awkward, and I have to like dress up sort of kind of and the worst part- absolutely worst part- is that they are calling it a 'Holiday' party instead of a Christmas party. They're taking the Christ out of Christmas! BLARG!"

Or something like that.

But not me.
I'm like DINNER PARTY?

YES!

Good things about dinner parties:
1. Dressing up. It's so much fun. I love looking cute, and there are always going to be pictures taken at these sorts of things.
2. Free food! (And often an open bar!)
3. The people. I've always said, "It's not what you're doing; it's who you're with" (or with whom you are), and that's very true. But even if I don't know anyone else there, I'm able to amuse myself, which is always fun.

I don't know what it is. I just love dinner parties. They are one of my favorite things.

And my department's party last night was awesome.
The IS department is awesome  and the people I work with are awesome and they appreciate me so much and it is so very nice to be appreciated and they are sad that I am leaving and so am I but they are so happy for me and say I will go far!

One of the teachers there said my resume was one of the most impressive ones he's ever come across. He says I'll probably end up a CFO or something and that I won't be in lower-levels for long.

And I was like- man, I've only worked for these people for 4 months. I wonder if people at my new job will see me the same way.

Their encouragement just gave me the drive, the want, the gumption to be forever awesome.

Wherever you go there you are,
TWS