The goal of the phone call was to convert my SIMPLE IRA (I'm not yelling at you; that's what they're called) to my shiny, new 401k.
After two transfers and explaining my situation to 3 different people, I was put on hold to "see if the plan allows this". Turns out yes, and then I just need to submit this, that, and fill out this form, and then everything will be okey dokey brown and smokey.
After I got off the phone, I looked at the form, which blatantly lists SIMPLE IRAs under "unauthorized sources of contributions".
So then I called a fourth representative that confirmed yes, I was right, and no, there would be no transferring of funds between retirement accounts.
Retirement accounts become more retarded the more time I spend looking into them, which is another reason I'm glad I'm not in public accounting anymore or advising people on what retirement vehicle to use because in my mind, they all suck.
My favorite part of the first phone call was when he was looking at my investment choices.
"I see you picked an S&P 500 index fund. You have a pretty aggressive allocation. If you would like some help with that, we are always here to help you out."
My thought is that if I can't touch this money until I'm too old to ride roller coasters, I might as well stuff it in the highest earning accounts I can and not worry about it.
SO SORRY that my radical thinking doesn't "align" with the "recommendations" for my "age group".
Also, he was passive aggressively trying to sell me a managed account feature.
In my experience, here is how managed accounts work:
Taxable earnings: $8,000
Management fees <2,000>
Actual return: 6,000
Here is how non-managed accounts work:
Taxable earnings that you can earn
just by picking a few solid mutual funds: $6,000
Management fees: 0
Actual return: 6,000
It's almost a no-brainer.
Almost.
And don't be fooled how management fees are "tax-deductible". They're like medical expenses. If you have enough of them to deduct, you probably have a bigger problem than saving taxes.
I guess in my case, they wouldn't be taxable or deductible since it is a "tax-advantaged" account. Even so, less money is less money.
So what I'm trying to tell you is that I need to go roast some coffee right now.
Every time I see a pretty person marry another pretty person I'm like yessssssssssssssss,
TWS
