Albatross

So today I found myself doing sewing doodles on the backs of copies of my resume.

My resume is more useful this way.

Also, I found a new song for Mike.
Hello Seattle by Owl City.

"I fall asleep in hospital parking lots."

Because he did for me. :)

I'm always in love,
TWS

Off Day

Can you believe that Mike ate the last gummy dinosaur vitamin?
I was so looking forward to coming home and having that.
His argument: "There was only one left. I wasn't just going to leave it there."
He literally ate the best part of my day.

In other news, I completely took the day off.
I stayed in Pooler, skipped class, and had a wonderful day of studying for finals all by myself.
Plus kitty. But kitty mostly slept.

And I've started working out again. *yay*
I thought that if I'm a loser without a job I might as well not look like one.

Also, I cashed in my scholarship for CPA review stuff, so I'm going to start studying for that and taking some parts in the fall.
In 18 months I shall be named Allie J, CPA.
And by then I shall have legit business cards and not Call Me Maybe business cards.

I made the mistake of joining Sole Society, an online shoe store.
Why is this a mistake?
Because then I see things like this:

And I really want them on my feet.
Today.
But then I see this:

$49.95

And I know that I cannot afford that until I have a job.

I should bet myself money that even after I get CPA certified, I still won't be able to get a job.

That way, if I lose the bet and get a job, I'll give myself money.
Or, if I win the bet, I'll also get money.
Either way, I'll get money from myself.

And then I'll buy the shoes.

False economics,
TWS

Dark Wit Part II

It's been said that when life hands you lemons, make lemonade.

Yeah.

But if life doesn't also hand you sugar and ice cubes, that lemonade's pretty much going to suck.

Especially on a hot summer day like today,
TWS
~forever unemployed~

Oregon Fail

It's been said that every cloud has a silver lining.

Yeah.

And the silver lining helps me how?

Waiting for conditions to improve,
TWS

Monochrome

Last week, I bought some vitamins.
Some gummy dinosaur vitamins.
They taste just like gummy bears.
They might taste like dinosaurs, but I'm not really sure what dinosaurs taste like.
So worth the $3.
And since I'm an "adult" now, I get to take two.
My vitamin time is honestly one of the highlights of my day.

 My tax exam actually wasn't too bad.
 At one point I even think I was having fun, which is weird.
 I think I was doing §736 distributions, and I was winning at it.
And winning is always fun.

Last night I was at Wal-Mart buying notebooks for the last school year of my life.
I was torn between whether to get the 5 subject for $1.94 or the 3 subject notebook for $1.44.
Then I saw that one subject notebooks were 17 cents a piece.
So I bought 5 one subject notebooks because $0.85 < $1.94.

I got a free t-shirt today.
It was in a box, which was on a table that said FREE T-SHIRTS.
Seemed legit.
No one else was around.
So I took one.
Or two.

Without taking the gourd's name in vain,
TWS

Moosings

A charitable organization is a group designed to benefit society or a group of people.

Here is an illustration:

Notes:
1. Optional transaction
2. Benefits may not be realizable individually, but rather to as a society as a whole (perceived benefit).
3. Contribution is tax deductible.

I've decided that parking and transportation office is the opposite of a charitable organization.

Here is another illustration:

Notes:
1. Mandatory transaction
2. No perceived or realizable benefits
3. There's a cool lightning shape in the box.

It is a cyclical cycle that steals from people in order to pay those who administer the fees FOR NO REALIZED BENEFIT.

"Cyclical cycle."
Haha.

The point of the charitable organizational flowchart was to show you that people like to see actual benefits come from their gifts. (And tax deductions.)

Solution to Parking and Transportation:

*Make capital expenditures in beginning construction to provide adequate parking to eliminate need for office staff and operations. This expenditure upfront would save money in the long run for students and parents alike and also for the funding institution (the "other wasted resources").

**Intermittent solution, for if you have already messed up and created such an office:
Make it a MARKET.
Sure, "sell" permits, but then students, at the end of the term, can sell back the permits or sell to other students. Ergo, there is a "renting" feel to the parking lot. Students have the ability to sell their permits at a profit. For example, if a student is graduating and has the last spot in a particular lot, the value of that permit could increase. This way, students aren't losing out $150 per year while your office is all busy picking its nose. Meanwhile, you raise enough money to do the first suggestion on the side to make it free.

When in doubt, capitalism.

I'm writing a book about how to fix the world.
It's going to be half satire, half not.

Adjusted basis,
TWS

Chin Hair

It was heard on the radio that 85% of people with lung cancer die.
That makes me want to have lung cancer just so I have a shot at being in the 15% of people with lung cancer who don't die.
Then I could be blonde AND immortal!

Like this guy:

Mike was searching for American teams to play in FIFA.
Mike: The Chicago Fire?
Me: Yeah! I went and saw their stadium.
Mike: Oh really?
Me: No.
Mike *looking at stats*: WOAH! This guy's fast!
Me: Is that because he's on fire?

lolz

I know that it seems like all Mike and I ever do is watch TV and play video games, but that is simply just not true. We also cook and play mini golf and go to work (one of us) and school and live out normal lives.
Ish.

But we have the most awesome kitty in the entire world!!!
Prepare yourself.
Here comes a true story.

Last night, I was going to go take a shower, and so I walked into the closet to get my clothes.
There was a big, old nasty cockroach that scuttled into my piles of shoes.
So I did what any reasonable female would do.

"MIKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG! MIKE! COME HERE! RIGHT NOW!"

Mike's like, "What?"
And I, breathing heavily, explain the presence of the cockroach.
"So kill it." Mike advises.
Sam, off to the side, looks curious and interested in this matter.

I reluctantly go to the shoe pile and start moving stuff around to try to find it and kill it, but it scurried off to a place unknown.

At this point, my mood took a sharp turn based on the following facts:
1. There is a COCKROACH in my CLOSET that is ALIVE.
2. My boyfriend doesn't have the valiant courage to find and slay the thing because he hates it as much as I do.
3. THERE IS A LIVE COCKROACH. IN. THE. CLOSET.

So I after I take my shower, I go back to my closet to hang clothes up assuming it has crawled off to the deep bottom roach-dwelling depths from which it came.
But no.

It had somehow climbed on TOP OF MY CLOTHES in the closet and was sitting RIGHT where I needed to hang things up. As if it KNEW that I was going there and wanted to haunt me.

So, like any reasonable female, I screamed.
Again.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!!!!!!!MIKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THERE IT IS AGAIN!!!! KILL IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Mike: You kill it.

Sam, off to the side, is still interested in all of this noisy commotion.

At this point, I'm in this terrible mood because of the following facts:
1. There is a live cockroach in our house.
2. Boyfriend wants me to kill the thing of which he is equally, if not more so, afraid.
3. IT CAN CLIMB THINGS NOW.

What's stopping it from climbing into the bed at night and eating my face off like a zombie from Miami?
You guys remember my spider incident? Yeah- I don't need to add "cockroach" to the list of things that have crawled across my face at night.

And then Mike's like, "We should probably check the bed. Just in case."

After some ice cream and bed checking, I grumpily go to sleep. Sam comes into the room all kitty-like, but then about 45 minutes after I go to bed, he starts jumping around as if he's hunting something.

Something like a cockroach.

I cowered beneath the sheets. Cockroaches are so disgusting. How do they even make it up to the third floor anyway?
Oh, that's right.
They can CLIMB and FLY and do terrifying roachy things!

Somehow, I fell asleep.

This morning, I woke up and Sam was sniffing something underneath the bed skirt.
I looked, and there it was, belly up and dead.
Sam killed the roach!  Such a good and protective kitty!
I was sure to give him extra fancy feast before I left for school. :)

So it turns out Sam, the fixed and therefore gonad-less cat, had the balls to do the thing neither Mike nor I could do.

Which is kind of ironic, if you think about it.

Trusting things beyond mistake,
TWS