Empty Mall

Underwear is expensive.
Like- surprisingly expensive.
I should probably stop wearing it so much.
Just kidding.
(But seriously.)

See, the problem with underwear is that you have to go out and buy it just like anything else.
Which makes it super awkward.
Why?
Because there are people. And when you're picking out underwear, there are people and when you're checking out there are people and then when you get to the car, you're finally safe.

Except if there's a lady in front of you.
Haha- that's an inside joke.

But the fact of the matter is that there are people everywhere, undressing you with their eyes.
And I REALLY don't like to be exhibited in that way.
I probably have some psychological self-image-inferiority complex or like naked-phobia that makes me think all weird like this (that's what makes it interesting, right?), but can we all agree that it is just a little bit REALLY AWKWARD to buy underwear?

Here's a true story that illustrates how strong my feelings are on this subject:
The first time I met Mike's dad, I told him that I'd rather get felt up than ogled at.
We were talking about the "new" airport security.
He gave me a weird look.

In all seriousness, I do not like people looking at my present- or future- underthings!
Underwear is a special secret kept between me and my pants. And when I have to shop for new secrets, I get really uncomfortable.
Like gynecologist-funeral-baby-shower-wool-sweater-uncomfortable.
YEAH.

But then, BEHOLD, on the kitchen table lay a certain catalog.
It brought me tidings of great joy.
For in the catalog, there was a website wherefore I could BUY such clandestine apparel minus audience!

*visit website*
*feel like a fool for about 10 minutes deciding between plaid or stripes*
*consequently, $23.72 will be charged to my Visa*

Watch out; there are sexy panties in the mail.
Awkward shopping trip avoided.

And now my pantaloons are never seen by anyone except me, and I can buy great masses and multitudes of panties and no one would look at me weird!!!!

I'm not going to, I promise.
I'm just letting you know that I can. 

Everyone likes panties,
TWS

Winter Soul-stice

I am not cut out for long distance relationships.

Some people are cut out to be parents.
Some people are cut out to be veterinarians.
Some people are cardboard cutouts.

But I am not cut out for long distance relationships.

Because I miss this too much:

And this:

And also this:

Oh yeah! I got some new frames.

You like?

I also got some blue contacts!

For the lolz, if for nothing else.

It's the only reason anyone does anything.

Like this blog, for example. 

I wanted to try out something new in the shower, so I pulled some Radiant Brunette conditioner out of the bottom bin and used it. I have no idea why anyone in this house would buy such a product anyway; we're pretty much all blonde.
It was most likely on sale.
Or someone had a coupon.
Or my dad wanted "radiantly brunette" hair.

And since apparently I can't blog about my family anymore, that's all that happened over Christmas.

Feeling the pull,
TWS

Wait It Out

He must like her assets.

Only one street level miracle,
TWS

Excessive Celebration

Hey guys guess what.

*scroll down*

(as if you wouldn't?)





































I MADE AN A IN ACCT 3330 INCOME TAX.

So I'm having a pretty good day.
I even got my hair to do that little flippy thing at the ends.

(If you guys knew anything about football, you'd know that "excessive celebration" is actually a term for a penalty, but it's okay because this accomplishment means way more to me than a touchdown.)

Consequently, here are my plans for this weekend:
1. Sleep
2. Paint my toenails
3. Play dress up

Doesn't that sound just wonderful?

In other news, I discovered why I've never really liked overalls.



They are ROMPERS IN DISGUISE!



Isn't that one of the most abominable things you've ever seen in your life?
Not to mention it's the sickly yellow color of hospital furniture.

I thought up a really good idea for naming some of my new creations.
You know how I like to come up with clever names for my clothes?

The Pleats to Meet You Dress
The Intelligence Skirt
The Interview Skirt
The Woooo!!!! Skirt

What if I started naming some of my clothes after PEOPLE?

For instance, I plan to make a gingham button up just like this:



Except with really dark navy checks. (Google didn't have a picture of such.)

Maybe I should've used Bing.



ANYWAY...

So I plan to make a shirt like that with navy gingham, and I think I'll call it the Caleb Ogden shirt.

One day, Caleb came to work wearing a blue gingham shirt (much like the one pictured above), and at that time I was still deciding how I wanted mine to look.
So there I was, looking at the sleeves, how it's cut on the bias, and how the pockets were done, and then I realized that I was so accidentally staring at him.

Whoops!

You have to preserve awkward memories like that, and what better way than in a clothing name?

I'd also love to make a Cordova skirt, a Beth-Moote blouse, and a pair of Metrejean pants. So if you're "tagged" in any of my Phuture Phacebook Foto shoots, you'll know why.

Wow- that was almost an annoying use of language.

I hate when this happens:




Look at him now disappearin' the cow.
Where is the cow?
Hidden right now.

Taking a bow,
TWS

And just like that, you have "Magical Trevor" stuck in your head.
You're welcome.

Army Crawling

Whenever I hear the word "oligopoly", I get distracted.
It doesn't represent what it sounds like it should represent.

For example, it sounds like a kind of sweet move in volleyball.
"Dude! So it was 20 all, and Sean went up for the spike, and then Wayne pulled an oligopoly and we totally won!!!"

Or it sounds like it could be a really complicated surgery.
"This morning Dr. Howard will be performing open heart surgery, rhinoplasty, and an oligopoly on our patient, Mr. Ford."
(I think it'd be a term for hand replacement)

It could also be a board game. It fits right in with the other games in the closet.
Scattegories, Chinese Checkers, Cranium, Clue, Taboo, Oligopoly, Pictionary, Outburst, Outburst Jr., Trouble and Apples to Apples.

It'd be like Monopoly, but waaaaay more competitive.

*awkward pause*

Oh, come on! PLEASE laugh at my business school jokes!!!

How come it's socially acceptable to take a smoke break, but somewhat unacceptable to go stand outside for a few minutes sans cigarette?
Healthy people like fresh air, too.

I had this dream that I found this scary looking gorilla mask, and I was like, "AWESOME. I'm going to wear this around!" So I put it on and was trolling around my kitchen at home and then I noticed that my eyes changed colors to a baby blue when I wore the mask.

I was like, "OMG Mike would love this! I must take a picture of it!"

So I took off the mask and hid it under a cardigan on the couch and I went to go find my camera, hoping that my eyes were still blue.

Outside, it was snowing, and all of Sarah's dumb friends came from the forest wanting to hang out. I was really annoyed that she wasn't around to hang out with all these people. There were like 80 of her dumb friends.

Then suddenly, I'm at church with my sisters and Mike and other people, and it was like Pittman Park but a different kind of church?

Finally, I get back home and I'm like, "I HAVE TO FIND THE MASK SO I CAN HAVE PRETTY BLUE EYES AGAIN."
I look under my cardigan, and it's NOT THERE.

Sarah's sitting nonchalantly on the couch, so I blame her for taking it, and she says that it's gone because of my stupid friends, and the last thing I remember was yelling at her, "They were YOUR stupid friends!!!"

And then I woke up to Porsha's dumb friends in our echoey living room loudly talking about meaningless crap that concerns only them, not even mindful that other people MIGHT be living in the adjacent rooms.

Can I live alone* yet?

And WHY DO PEOPLE CALL AT 4:57 ON A FRIDAY AFTERNOON!?!?!?

Here's a true story:
A professor at school sent out an e-mail at the end of November saying there was a part-time accountant opportunity at the Habitat for Humanity office in Savannah. They were accepting resumes and references until December 8th.

So DECEMBER 5th, I get all my junk together and write a fantastic letter about how qualified and awesome I am.
Hit "Send".
Not more than 5 minutes later, I get a response.
"I am sorry. We are not accepting resumes at this time."

?

I got yelled at.
:C
I wallowed in self doubt for about 3 days after that.

But it's okay! I found out I can probably get a graduate assistantship for the summer that will pay like $1800 for about 5 weeks of work, 20 hours a week.
That's like $18 an hour, son.
And that's pretty good.

I've just got to keep army crawling for another 6 days.

I want that gorilla mask, though.
That was a lot of fun.

Outrunning the people and not necessarily the bear,
TWS

Photatoes

Look! Professionally taken photos from the conference!



And here I am amusing only myself:





That's such a great face.

Wouldn't it be awesome if I ended up on a brochure?
I've already ended up on a banner.
Now I want to take my modeling career one step further.

Other random scintillas of information:

Feeling the Pull is my new favorite song.

The mints from Cracker Barrel are shaped like little barrels.

I was wearing my aviators while riding my bike to school, and a cop pulls up next to me and tells me that she liked my sunglasses.

Just kidding. That's not a true story.

Mike and I have come up with 26 names for his cat. To name a few: Samurai, Samsung, Sam's Club, Salmon Roll, Samburger Helper, Samwise and King Sam.

I can hear the finals.
They're coming.

But today is a wonderful, rainy day to take a nap, and that is precisely what I will do.

Everyone wants to be the one just climbing out,
TWS

Business Idea #14

Apple should create a pregnancy test app for the iPhone.

Think about how trollzy that would be.

And you can't spell troll without lol,
TWS

Terminology

Copyright me.

Click to enlarge,
TWS

Frisky Biscuits

I had a frustrating afternoon.

I was trying to turn in my application for an accounting position at City Hall, so to save on postage, I drove to physically turn it in to Human Resources.
But then the City of Statesboro decided to have some huge event and had all sorts of roads closed off and the parking was ridiculous. And then some lady looked left and right before she crossed the street while I was coming her way and decided to cross anyway.

No, I didn't run over her. But I was all like



I hate one way streets- both in relationships and actual one-way streets.
So I parked (illegally, maybe) and went in there and turned in my application.

City Hall would be a cool place to work (it'd be like Parks and Rec OMGGG!!!), and maybe I'd get to park in employee parking. AND I'd get to dress all pretty and have people appreciate it.

Which reminds me:

TO THOSE WHO HAVE EVER PICKED ON ME FOR CHANGING MY OUTFIT FREQUENTLY THROUGHOUT THE DAY:
(i.e. listen up, EVERYONE)
I made a decision when I came to college to never look like a slob. Ever. Like- I made a point to look decent every day. So far, I've only gone back on that once. And that was that day I didn't take a shower and spent the whole day wrapped in Mike's hoodie.

But I digress.

Today I had my last Advisory Board meeting where we "talked" about how this semester "went" and how we could "improve" in the spring. And then the president was like, "Oh- btw- we're having our picture taken today for the Eagle Executive!"
Which is like THE newsletter for COBA and alumni and like everyone everywhere ever.
YEAH.
And people had baseball caps on, sweatpants, flip-flops, hoodies, jeans, etc.
What was Allie J wearing?
A nice sweater dress with leggings and flats.

So everyone else was like, "LANDONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US WE HAD A PICTURRRRRRRRRRRRRRE TODAYYYYYYYYYYYY??!?!??!"

And I was like- cool. I'm ready for this.

So look for the COBA SAB pic in the Eagle Executive this semester. While you all snarkily ask "What are you all dressed up for?" or "Where are you going?" when I come home for the weekend, THIS IS WHY I DO WHAT I DO.

And it's also kind of fun for me.

But more than that, it's one of my life goals to be prepared for an impromptu photo shoot.
You never know when those things can happen.




Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go get ready for a date night with the best boyfriend in the whole wide world.

Gillyweed,
TWS

Marksmanship

Does anyone know of a good way to use approximately 6 ounces of cranberries? I bought them a while back thinking they'd be a healthy snack, but have turned out to taste like sour crabapples.
And anyone who's been in the field behind my house knows all about crabapples.
So any recipes or ideas? I'm not opposed to meats with weird fruit sauces on them.

Oh my goodness. Did you hear that lady's laugh?
YIKES.
Like- you know that sound a balloon makes when you stretch the neck of it and let the air out of it slowly and painfully?
That's how this lady's laugh was.

This might be one of the most boring posts that I've had in a while, but every so often, I have to include one of these to make my other posts more outstanding. It's the same reason I listen to bad music sometimes. It makes the good music that much better.

True story.

On a scale of 1 to 11, this next part is probably one of the nerdiest things I've ever done.

"But Allie, you didn't use the scale."
Precisely.

Back story:
I don't like where I live anymore, so I'm going to be moving out soon.
Ish.
And apparently "ish" means 7 months.
My lease comes due in the summer, and then maybe I will be able to poop without an audience.
Too much information?
Too bad.
I'm tired of the fishy smells, the loud music, the armed robberies, and the irrational usage of toilet paper.

Moving out gives me something to look forward to- enough to make me giddy with glee. So I then proceeded to (here's the REALLY nerdy part) make an outline of the things I need to organize and how I'm going to go about organizing them so as to streamline moving out.

It's brilliant, right?

It's also four pages long.

So as a reference, I posted it as a separate "page" on my blog because Blogger was like, "Hey! You don't have any pages yet!"
And I was like, "Yeah? Well guess what I'm going to do today!"
And they were like, "What?"
And I was like, "Make a page."
And they were like, "Great! Do you want your pages to be up, down, all around town, or just link them manually?"
And I was like, "Link manually so that NO ONE ELSE CAN SEE THEM WITHOUT MY PERMISSION. MUAHAHAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Not really.
But almost.

And you'll get to appreciate my outline html skillz that I developed about an hour ago.
I really could not be a programmer.
Ever.

Anyway, the first part of the outline under "Buy" kind of counts as my Christmas wish list. It's just a list of a few simple devices I'd like to have for my move on to the next life.

Geez- I sound like I'm dying.

So, finally, here is the link:
Organs.
It will either inspire you, entertain you, or make you want to high five someone in the face with a chair.

And that someone would be me,
TWS

Cincinnography

So I went to Ohio last week.
Listen to this while you peruse. I timed it perfectly, so if you're finished with the pictures before the song ends, you didn't look at them long enough.

Don't worry. It gets a lot better after this blurry picture:



Joe: "Allie, you've never seen mountains before?"
Me: "No."

I was trying to get a picture of all the pretty trees, but instead got a wonderful portrait of Mark's cinnabun and Joe's sock.



*a Dave Matthews band song comes on*
Joe: YES!!!!!!!!!!!
Dave: Oh! Dave Matthews Band! Back when he wrote original stuff!
Joe: Yeah- DMB.
Dave: Just because you call it by the initials doesn't make you cool.
Joe: I know. Being me makes me cool.



Then we arrived.



And somehow Joe got in all of my city pictures.



The 20th floor of the Millennium:












Have you ever walked to Kentucky?
I DID.













What does it all MEAN!?!?!?



And what were they looking at so intensely?



Le football stadium.










It was a great (hair) day.



And then we came across some interactive murals:









And then we got down to business.



Sort of.









And then Joe didn't want to take a picture with me.



"Still photos and noisy arcades..."
-Owl City



And then night happened:



Preserve your memories, they're all that's left you.

And just because it's iced tea doesn't mean it's sweet,
TWS