Dream Weaver

Last weekend, I went out for amazing Indian food with some amazing people.

I mean, seriously. These people work to save lives and look at body parts all day long that my weak stomach can't handle.

But Indian food?

Oh yeah. My stomach can definitely handle that.

Unfortunately, Indian food is twice as much as I want to pay for a dinner for two. Especially after Mike's comment, "I actually think your curry is better."

But even when you try to make it at home, it can be a little pricey. Basmati rice? Like $6 for a two pound bag at Kroger. And good luck finding garam masala in the spice section.

For the second week in a row, I was craving Indian food and was determined to make a delicious meal. 

The menu:

- Chicken curry (chicken in a tomato based sauce with an obscene number of spices)

- Palak paneer (cottage cheese chillin' in some spinach puree, again with the spices)

- Naan (Jesus bread of life bread. Like a sweet, handsome cousin of pizza crust)

- Basmati rice (the best rice ever)

So yesterday, I went down to the Krishna Grocery, an Indian grocery store only about 15 minutes from my house. It was very reminiscent of Turkey grocery stores in that there were a lot of things on the shelf that I had no idea what they were. They also had strange produce in the back you just don't see anywhere else, like turmeric root and dates. 

But the rice. Oh, the rice. I bought a 20 pound bag of Basmati for $19. That's less than $1 a pound, son. When I got home, I set it on the counter and I hugged it. It had such a nice weight to it, and it smelled wonderful. Don't knock cuddling with rice until you've tried it.

And the spices. Oh, the spices. A whole aisle just dedicated to spices. They're sold in these efficient little airtight bags. I bought curry (of course), cardamom, and garam masala. When I got home, I transferred them all to jars which was an experience in itself. The fragrance from these potent spices are unlike anything I've ever imagined. My hands STILL smell delicious. And the best part was the price. At Kroger, you can buy a small 1.62 oz container of curry powder between $3 and $4. I bought a 14 oz bag for $3.49.

90% PRICE SAVINGS. WHAT. 

I had been living my life all wrong. Why didn't I go to this place sooner?

I also bought paneer, yogurt, dry kidney beans, urad dal (like lentils but not), and tea, which was also a great deal (100 very strong tea bags for $4). 

Cooking Indian food is a lot of work. I always work up an appetite doing it. It's such a great weekend activity, though, and the resulting food is so rewarding and then you have leftovers for days that only get better with time because of the spice permeation.

Allow me to walk you through my two hour cooking adventure.

Fryin' paneer (cheese)

It's easy to wilt spinach when it's already kind of wilted.

Fryin' palak (spinach)

Onions and fragrant spices

Add dem tomatoes and moar spices!

Mix in pureed palak

Add back dat paneer

Naan makin

Pan fryin' naan while starting chicken curry

Add crushed tomatoes and spices

Powerhouse spices: Curry, cumin, garam masala, turmeric

Add yogurt for creaminess

Hug that rice real nice

Meal complete with Indian chai

That's how I make really delicious Indian food.

Swiss cheese is much holier than thou,
TWS

Flatbread

I know you all are tired of hearing my biking stories, but I have a feeling you will enjoy this one more than all the others.

On Thursday, I decided to bike to work. It was a beautiful 70 degree morning, and my backpack was light because I have become an expert at figuring how to pack all my work clothes into a shake 'n bake bag. True story.

The secret is: light weight blouses and rolled pencil skirts.

My ride was not as easy as usual, though. The flat surfaces felt almost as tough as the hills. "Maybe I'm just getting back into it," I thought since I hadn't biked in a while.

At lunch, I decided to check my tires, thinking that could be it. The back one was fine and firm, but the front one was a little more squishy than I would've liked. "I'll need to pump this up when I get home" I thought.

I left work at the end of the day. The tire still felt like it did at lunch, and I hoped I could make it all the way home. About a quarter mile later, it was making a weird noise, and I stopped to check the front tire. It was losing air fast.

Somehow, I made it about 2 miles before I admitted to the reality that I had a flat. Like an amateur, I had no spare tube or pump with me, even though my bike is configured to carry all these supplies.

I made the phone call to an unsuspecting Michael, who had already started cooking his dinner in the oven, and he grabbed the rarely-used bike rack to come meet me by Wal-Mart.

For the record, I would have walked the remaining 5-6 miles, but I had guitar practice because I'm in a band now, so I kind of had somewhere to be that night.

While I was waiting, I posted the following picture on Instagram, trying to stay positive amid a crappy situation in the back of the Home Depot parking lot.

"What a beautiful day to get stranded with a flat tire!"

Unfortunately, the situation only got crappier.

When Mike pulled up, I heard a loud pop from one of his tires from where he ran over a white garbage bag. He got out of the car. "What the.....OH MY--- *gag*"

Dude ran over a bag with a diaper in it.
The diaper bust open.
There was human poop all over his front left tire.

The smell. Oh, the smell.
This wasn't just diaper smell.
This is diaper-poop-sitting-on-warm-asphalt-for-who-knows-how-long smell.

This is a true story.

We got the bike rack out and assembled it on the trunk. Every so often, a breeze would blow and we'd get the nauseous wave of stink in our noses again.

Finally, we had the bike tied down. Mike held his breath and carefully tip-toed to the drivers seat. He back up the car, so as not to get two tires covered in poop.

Conversation on the ride home:
Mike: You and your biking.
Me: I know, man. I'm sorry, but I really appreciate you coming to get me. Let me know if there's anything I can do for you.
Mike: Well, there is poop on my tires...

When we got home, he parked in the garage like usual, but he almost threw up when he got out of the car. We took the bike off and then he backed the car out into the driveway.

I got out the hose and went to work, holding my breath.

It was worse than we thought, though. As he was driving, the poop was being flicked and smeared all around the metal part of the car that surrounds the tire. Plus, it had dried, so I had to scrub it off and pray that the smell would go with it.

Meanwhile, Mike had gone inside to finish fixing his dinner. Apparently when he left to come get me, he turned the oven off, but had left everything inside of it. His potato chips were black and his biscuits had all congealed into hard little rolls.

We were so traumatized that we couldn't even eat. The smell was infused into our senses. Everything smelled like crap. Food turned to ash in our mouths. We were ruined for the night.

I took him by the shoulders, looked him square in the eye and said, "I never. Ever. Want to have children."
His face broke into a half smile. "This confirmed it for you?"

I have now cleaned cat crap off of lawn mower blades and human feces off of car tires.
I would be perfectly happy never having to clean up someone else's doodoo again.

 This is the stuff of nightmares, man.

The lesson here is to bring a spare tube and tire pump on every bike ride because you never know where a dirty diaper could be lurking.

When you've got trouble, I've got trouble, too,
TWS

When You've Got Trouble; Liz Longley

Health Insurance and Other Boring Matters

Today has been an unusual day for me in that I titled a post directly related and relevant to the subject matter and I actually did medical-like things.

The last time I was this involved, I still had an appendix.

First, I got my health screening, which is what we have to do if we want to save $500 on our insurance premium next year. Since I'll finally be on my own plan next year, I gots to do what I gots to do.

"Why don't you just get on Mike's plan?"

Because Family coverage >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Single coverage in both cases.
Plus, he's not on a high deductible plan, which means I couldn't do this REALLY COOL TRICK with an HSA which I will tell you about on #3.

So I got my health screening done. It amazes me how I keep on getting healthier the older I get.
It's weird. Seems counter to society. I guess I'm just afraid of things getting worse, so I think my motivation to BE better has outweighed any actual negative aging effects.

"I have decided at 25 something must change."
-Bloc Party; Kruezberg

In a continuous improvement effort to continuously improve, I'm starting this program called 16 Century.

It's a program created by me so if you try to Google it, you'll just get a bunch of Italian art, Protestant reformation, and guys wearing tights.

16 Century is my goal, from September 2016 to August 2017, to bike 1600 commuter miles (e.g. 16 centuries).
"Commuter miles" are miles that I would have driven in a car had I not biked. So your mamby-pampy-bike-casually-around-the-neighboorhood miles don't count.
I'm planning to buy a fabric guitar case so I can bike to church and still be musically involved.

 It's going to be DANK.

The only loophole to this goal is if I become injured/unable to bike, or my bike gets stolen or otherwise totaled/un-rideable during this time period.

And I'm going to track this. A progress chart with how many miles left to go.
Spreadsheets like you wouldn't believe.

Capt Jack Sparrow: Who makes all these?
Will Turner: I DO. And I practice with them 3 HOURS A DAY!

More like 8 hours a day, but we're not going to a butcher a pirates quote just to be more accurate here.

Spreadsheets so that at in the next year I can see fuel $aving$ and any health improvements as compared to this year's health screening.

My motivation lies in the fact that I am very fortunate to live within biking distance of pretty much everything I need to get to:
Work - 8 miles
Store - 6 miles
Church - 5 miles
Ice cream shop - 1 mile

Plus, I wanted to start a "new years resolution" early not to be all hipster, but to enjoy the nice new fall weather that I hear is going to start happening sometime soon-ish maybe just maybe.

So I better, like, buy some spare tubes for this.
TUBULAR.

Secondly, (going back to original subject of post) I went to the dentist today.

Nothing too earth shattering here. It took me 6 years to get just one cavity.
Also, I didn't realize that having "beautiful teeth" is such a nice compliment, but it is.
More motivation to stay away from sugar.

Thirdly, since I am going to have to start footing the bill for any medical expenses that may come my way, I started slightly super freaking out.

"You mean I have to pay for this out of my FUN MONEY?"

Fun money = that $50 or so of little cushion you kind of know you can spend without totally wrecking your aggressive investment plans.

"Sorry, guys. I can't go out to lunch this month. I had to go to the dentist last week."

This is life, man. This is what real life looks like for me now.

But it'll all be worth it if I can stick it out for a few more months. Just a few more months and then I can totally turn around and tea-bag the government.

Before I got my totally awesome job that I have today, I had a totally un-awesome job. But that job had a 3% matching SIMPLE IRA so I jumped on in because why not.

I'm not yelling at you; that's just what they're called.

So when I got my job last year, I discovered that you can't roll a SIMPLE into a 401(k).
This did not make sense to me because they're both tax-deferred until I'm wrinkly so who cares.
Whatever, I'll just sit on this money and sort of invest it until I find a better use for it.

And find a better use I did. Turns out you CAN roll an IRA into an HSA.
Apparently this is a one time deal, and I can only do up to the individual contribution limit ~$3,350 but that means I get to use it for medical expenses next year instead of 30 years from now.

Plus, I get to invest the HSA and earn stuff tax free and then use earnings to buy dental appointments and I pretty much just figured out how to give myself free healthcare for the next decade.

Isn't that great!?!?
So great.

And since the contribution limit is about half of the value in the account, it's almost like my prior employer is paying for it because I had that 3% match.
Thanks, prior employer. You're the best.

Summary in case my mom skimmed this:
I will bike 1600 miles in a year, I have beautiful teeth because the dentist said so, and I made a plan to roll my rather useless IRA into a useful HSA.

Not a bad day.

Fun fact: geometry means earth (geo) measurement (metry).
What did the acorn say when he grew up?

Gee, I'm a tree,
TWS

Rantsid Milk

I biked to the grocery store to pick up a few things.

What was really cool was that I wasn't the only person who biked there. Of course, I only ran in to get a few things of produce and beans, so it's not like I stopped to chat or anything.
I did engulf a banana I had purchased for that very reason before the ride home, and I got stopped by a train which was very, very loud.
6 miles there, 6 miles back with a nice late summer breeze.

I also saw a snake that had been run over with its head all mashed and bloody.
I wanted to pull out some chalk and write "Jesus wuz here". You know, crushing the head of the serpent and all.

So even though I haven't been posting on here recently, I have been blogging- just not on these internets. With all the back 2 skühl sales that went on the past few weeks, I bought some notebooks. I decided to keep one with me at all times in case I have a really good idea so that I don't forget it later.

For instance, this week I wrote:
Sam is like a potato in that you can mash him and sometimes he is sweet.
Sometimes he is bad though; you can see it in the eyes.

Judgey kitty eyes.

Something that has been very heavy on my heart recently is the blatant misuse of cars.
Specifically, idling cars.

In the words of Pete Adeney, a idling engine is like a bleeding wound or an overflowing toilet. Something to be alarmed at and correct immediately.

Yet every day in the parking at work whilst on my daily lunch walk, I see cars just idling away.
I guess people try to take naps on their lunch break. I don't know why else you would leave an air conditioned building just to sit in an air conditioned car.
Is there a greater waste?

One time, I drove by my friend's house so she could pick something up and then we would be on our way. I drove up near the back of her house, she got out, and I turned the car off to wait with the windows down.
A minute or so later, she came back out asking why I turned my car off.

I told the truth, "Because I didn't want to leave it on."
But there was a deeper truth, "Because it goes against my core beliefs about cars. They are for driving and not little air conditioned mobile pods where I indiscriminately use fossil fuels to make myself a trifle more comfortable."

People act like sweating is the worst thing that could ever happen to somebody.

When I take my walks at lunch they're all like, "Don't you get hot?"
Well, yeah. I mean, it's August in Georgia, and yeah, I'm a person so I sweat.

But for whatever reason, it doesn't bother me very much. It's just water leaving the body except it doesn't smell like pee and you don't have to go to the bathroom to do it. Sweating is cleansing in a way, but people act like it will turn them into some reeking slime-zoid.

Sweat really only bothers me when it's running down my face co-mingling with my sunscreen and getting in and stinging my eyes while I'm going over an interstate bypass on a bike.
But that's why I keep a towel on my handlebars.
Look at me, look at me. Hands in the air like it's good to be ALIVE and I'm a famous rapper even when the paths are all crookedy.

Anyway, I'm getting off topic here. I didn't realize that idling cars bothered me as much as sweat bothers other people.

Another thought I had is that cars are for driving and not for collecting.
I just can't get behind why a person would obtain (buy, inherit, steal, build, whatever) a car just for the sole purpose of having it.

This is almost comical to me. Cars just sitting in a garage covered up. Hogging good sheltered garage space that could be used for a vehicle you actually drive. Paying insurance and registration fees (and car payments if you're a real jughead) on something you rarely use.

"I don't want to drive it because I don't want to put the miles on it."
THEN WHY DO YOU HAVE THE CAR!?! Why why why?

What else are you going to do with that hunk of metal? Look at it?

You know what? You deserve a Sam doge meme.

~*~*oooh~*~* '92 Mustang. So phresh. Very car. Much impress.

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This whole idea is a smh situation.

Unfortunately, it seems the greater majority of the population has already bought into the idea that idling and collecting cars is ok.

If you feel yourself starting to going along with it, just remember the Sam doge.
It can be a powerful reminder.

I can take apart the remote control and I can almost put it back together,
TWS

Handlebars; Flobots

The Night Of

0% of you will understand this post. I am simply writing it so that three weeks from now, I can look back and be like, "I was so right."

Or, "I was so wrong."

So. HBO. The Night Of. That's what we're talking about.
And this is all coming from my own brain. Not any internet spoilers or fan forums.

It was Freddy. He is the mastermind behind the whole thing. He is the drug lord that was out for blood or money. Andrea knew it was coming too, being all "I can't be alone tonight".

I just think he got Dwayne Reed (Duane Reade?) to do the dirty work for him with Trevor and the black lady cop to cover it all up and frame Nas.

Arguments:
1. First episode: black lady cop and her little friend were "supposed to be off duty 5 hours ago."
O rly? Then why were you still 'trolling around 2 hours after your shift ended?
She seemed mighty in a hurry to take Nas downtown. I think she is somehow related to Dwayne or Freddy.

2. Freddy is so incredibly connected. Even though he is in prison, he pretty much runs the prison. In a very Law-Abiding Citizen-esque way. I think that's why collusion with other parts of the civil service makes him the prime suspect.

3. Why else would Freddy take such an interest in Nas when he comes to the prison? He knows that he is responsible for him being there. Another thing/person to lord power over while instilling trust.

So that's my prediction.

The real mystery is why they keep showing so much of the lawyer's feet.
The cat, I get, because it's the link to the back door being open.
But the eczema? WHY!?!?!?

And they love to leave the refrigerator open,
TWS