You Know Where to Find Me

 Ah, and now, the blog post everyone no one has been waiting for!

But first, lyrics:

I already know your deepest secrets
If you want to tell me more, I am here
Like I've always been
If you feel like a hypocrite and you're scared 'cause you think that you might be
If you ever need someone to shut up and listen
You know where to find me

I hope you do

If you feel depressed because you just need rest
And you can't even force a smile
If you need a pat on the back because you haven't had one of those in a while
If you're frustrated because you know that no on else could possibly understand
You know where I am

I hang in window sills looking out at the world from within my own mind
Doesn't everybody
Need to know what it's like to have someone on their side
I am on your side

A place that is private

Oasis of quiet

And you're swimming in a sea of your own thought

Figure out which ones are good to listen to

And which ones are not

Throw away what has never served you

You don't have to stay in what has hurt you

You might just be free

You're created to be

And you'll know when you find me

I hang in old recordings

Replaying the same old story

Unless you give me a new song to sing

Doesn't everybody

Need to know that they have power from within

I am found within

Like I've always been

Doesn't everybody know?

You know where to find me

I am the last door at the end of the hallway

Walk in, it's open

But you're not gonna find what you think you are

And the answers that you're hoping

It's just a mirror, incredibly clearer

'Cause you're no longer hiding

If you need to know that you're never alone

You know where to find me

Secondly, go watch the music video.

And then maybe also the blooper reel.

Now are we ready to talk? Ok cool.

Let's discuss my pronouns lol:

"You" - the conditioned self, the one running around trying to be somebody, seeking external validation

"Me" - the authentic self, the whole and complete, loving and accepting true internal self

The song is about coming back into being. It is my higher, true, authentic self calling me back to being me in the coolest most compassionate Allie way. In real life, I did it through painting, walking, and journaling, which I literally illustrated in the video. 

Sidebar: I'm thinking about writing a book about my awakening called "Unbecoming Into Being" that will easily be the greatest love story of all time and an international bestseller, but I need to create some space in my life first, so don't be surprised if I make some major life changes to make that happen. k thx

Ok, so back to the video & song:

It begins with me running, which represents me running away from that whole conversation with myself. If I can just be who people want me to be, then I never have to be myself or even figure out what that means.  

My outfit of all black is intentional here. It's me thinking I'm free of having shadows/"bad parts" but I'm literally wearing them on the outside. It's a great representation of being unaware of parts of yourself that others can see but you cannot.

So then the higher self is like "I already know your deepest secrets" because I've been reading your journal because I've also been writing it and I'm here for you, bro. I'm literally you. Why are you so afraid of being honest with yourself? Or being yourself?

The room is blue, my shirt is blue, song sung blue everybody knows one #neildiamond.

Blue represents divinity. My higher self is speaking from a place of infinite love, compassion, and understanding. 

"Like I've always been"

God has always been one with man; it's just been a matter of consciousness/us realizing it.

If that truth throws you, don't let it. This world isn't what you think it is.

Also, the sky is blue. :)

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh and then that illustration in my journal:
"You cannot talk Butterfly language with Caterpillar people."

I didn't make that up- I saw it somewhere, but it is so true. It is so difficult to communicate what you're learning about yourself and the world to someone who has not gone through that cocoon themselves. It is easier with free thinkers, but almost impossible with people that are still in places that you have left.

We're just on different journeys, I guess, but it can be kind of a downer not to be understood. That's why I put all this deep crap into my songs. :P

And then eventually, the false self gets tired of running or runs into snags, which was me with the whole "if you feel like a hypocrite and you're scared 'cause you think that you might be".

But the true self is always there to listen. 

"I hope you do"

We're all really just unconditional love when you get down to it.

And then the second verse gets into the nitty gritty.

Notice how I'm wearing grey in the journaling shots. This is me working through my shadows, understanding the parts of myself I didn't even know about, working through dark stuff, and then integrating which is just a fancy word for owning your past and being better for it.

"If you feel depressed because you just need rest and you can't even force a smile"

Finding time to rest and figure this stuff out is important to the process. 

I fear for people that do not take the time to do this.

The better you are at this, the better you show up in the world.

"If you need a pat on the back because you haven't had one of those in a while"

Holy crap- I bawled my eyes out when I wrote this part of the song.

For so long I had been seeking external validation that I was good or doing okay, but what I needed to realize is that my self worth and acceptance must first and foremost come from ME.

Self accept yourself.

"If you're frustrated because you know that no one else could possibly understand"

Yep.

Be frustrated.

And then come to realize that it is okay to live a life that others do not understand.

"You know where I AM."

Yassssssssssssss Christ in you the hope of glory Colossians 1:27

"I hang in window sills looking out at the world from within my own mind. Doesn't everybody?"

The eyes are the windows to the soul.

Everybody has a different worldview shaped by their own beliefs, feelings, and experiences, so we all see things differently. 

The truer you are to yourself, the clearer your vision will be.

Artistic license: I use the phrase "doesn't everybody" for both reiterating the first idea and also asking the second question.

"Doesn't everybody need to know what it's like to have someone on their side? I AM on your side."

At this part in the video, I'm moping around an actual window sill still looking for that external validation. And then I'm putting up a white cat, representing my "good parts", that I hide behind.

See, there was deeper stuff than you even knew in this.

I used my cats to represent duality of this realm.

True story.

But ultimately the idea is that you have to stop coming against yourself. You have to start being your own friend, being on your own side. Not in an egoic/narcissist way, but again, in a self-acceptance way. It's one of the most loving things you can ever do.

And then the walking in sneakers shot: I'm still on pavement, covered up in black, so I'm still hiding somewhat, but I've slowed down the pace now so I can listen. It's all part of the journey.

"A place that is private, oasis of quiet, and you're swimming in a sea of your own thought

Figure out which ones are good to listen to and which ones are not"

Yes! Using the power of awareness within you to not be a victim of your mind anymore.

Christ came to set the captives free, and I believe that is spiritual freedom by a relinquishing of the mind. We don't destroy the mind or kill the ego, for these are very useful tools on this 3D plane, but instead of being controlled by them, we have the power to control the mind by choosing what to think.

Huge. Life. Skills. Being learned right here.

"Throw away what has never served you

You don't have to stay in what has hurt you"

I'm reading through Louise Hay's "You Can Heal Your Life" right now and it's almost like my song is the musical version of her book. 

You don't have to be a victim just because you were subconsciously taught to be.

The mind science behind this is fascinating, but long story short, we all have things to overcome.

It's so much easier to let go than to keep fighting for what you think you believe.

And that's why I'm so gleeful tearing out the pages I don't believe in anymore.

"You might just be free, you're created to be, and you'll know when you find me."

Once you step out of the fence from the beliefs that hold you back, welcome to true life.

And, yes, a lot of those limiting beliefs come from religious sources.

*gasp*

I know. It's okay. 

There is a lot of poison in fundamental Christianity that keeps honest-to-goodness Christ followers trapped in victim mentality and powerlessness.

I've been there. 

That's why I'm here. 

#kennychesney

And once you know that God is in you, like REALLY the literal breath within you, and you are a spiritual being that chose to have this human experience, let freedom frickin' ring.

"I hang in old recordings replaying the same old story unless you give me a new song to sing. Doesn't everybody?"

In the video, I am putting one of my very own CDs in the player, but I can tell you I am not that person anymore. I have grown and expanded and let go of so many unhelpful beliefs. 

If you keep telling yourself you are how you have always been, that is who you will continue to be.

But if that just doesn't vibe with you anymore, you must tell yourself a different story.

It's not lying to yourself, it's coming back to truth. 

A form of repentance, a turning away from the false self and unlearning all the fakery you've picked up along the way.

"Doesn't everybody need to know that they have power from within? I AM found within"

It is your power to choose your story, who you want to be.

The higher self is always there to remind you who you really are.

And then you can gleefully tear the pages you don't want in your story anymore and burn them.

Like I did in the video.

In the bridge part of the song, I slow down to a nice saunter in sandals.

I'm getting closer to the true self: walking on earth instead of pavement, closer to bare feet, vulnerability, honesty, authenticity.

I also filmed this on a sandy clay part of my yard so it would look like I was walking through the desert because this journey of self discovery is indeed one in the wilderness.

And then my soulful "Doesn't everybody knooooooooooooooooow?"

I wish everybody knew their own power and had the courage to walk in it. 

I really do.

Here I sung with passion, a full voice, a clear throat, representing the openness of the energy center/chakra for "speaking my truth".

Oh no! Allie said the thing we all hate because truth can't be relative!

I've got a picture for you that could explain this better.

Truth depends on your perspective and your light source, if you know what I mean.

So...relax.

The next parts of the video show progress:

1. An almost-finished self-portrait, representing getting closer to knowing oneself

2. A bewildered cat, which formerly represented my "good parts", sitting in a dark window sill, symbolizing that I have turned off the light there (no longer giving energy) to pretending to just be good

"I am the last door at the end of the hallway, walk in, it's open"

Last door, end of hallway represents rock bottom, but that's okay because sometimes you need to be there in order to make changes that will never lead you there again.

And the door to the higher self is always open.

Always.

Always always always.

"But you're not gonna find what you think you are and the answers that you're hoping"

True. This journey is never going to be what you think and some days are harder than others and sometimes you realize you had issues where you were too afraid to even look.

"It's just a mirror, incredibly clearer, 'cause you're no longer hiding"

Notice I'm now wearing white because white reflects all colors, representing the integration of my whole colorful self and it's not what I expected but it's awesome.

My true self is now me, and now I'm reflecting her out into the world.

Isn't that beautiful?

"If you need to know that you're never alone then you know where to find me."

The clip of me hugging Cooper was just going to be in the blooper reel because he interrupted an earlier clip, but I loved how it represented me embracing my "shadows"- literally hugging my shadow cat- so I kept it in there because that's all part of the journey, too.

And then also the clip of me holding Babycakes, because I have also embraced my "good parts".

The video ends with me walking barefoot across a bridge, representing a "crossing over" or life change, into earthy grass and then standing still. 

At last. 

Peace. 

Stillness. 

Acceptance. 

Oneness.

I found me.

It was in me all along.

And that's my spiritual awakening set to song.

Are we really not going to talk about how even that rhymed,

TWS