Emotions

That little broken
Picture on a half-loaded
Webpage breaks my heart.

Does no one else see the face?

I could haiku all day long,
TWS

Idiosyncrasy

Group discussions.

There was one today about how the Beatles are overrated, but like Bob Dylan and Jimi Hendrix, they revolutionized modern music.
Or something to that effect.
I wasn't listening too closely; I was trying to get done so I could go home and cook a pot roast.

Then there was a light discussion on guitars and "jamming" together and when they plan on shaving their beards.
I kept my thoughts to myself.

And then I got in my car and listened to my dorky folk music.

And it made me HAPPY.
And that's when I realized that I don't care what other people think about music.

All the dishes rattle in the cupboards when the elephants arrive,
TWS

Vee- necks and logs

Semantic: Adjective; Relating to meaning in language or logic.

Warning: I just figured out how to make videos with my webcam.

However, I despise the word "vlog" because it sounds like someone throwing up. Kind of like the word "Buick". 
Yeah.
So we're not going to call it a vlog because that's disgusting.
This is simply a video that I put into a blog.

For all of you that were fans of Allie J in high school, I do still write songs occasionally.
The audio capabilities on the webcam surprised me, but there are some limitations. For example, I had to go all falsetto on the "two years later" part so that it wouldn't sound like a garbage truck picking up rocks.

Here are the lyrics to this one:

Semantic

Tell me I misread that

Tell me that’s not what you meant

You know that I’ve moved on

And I’m not going back

You said it in there

Possible, potentially

Do you really want me there?

What are you keeping from me?

Oh, I’ve always wanted to know

What you really think of me

How did I get fooled again?

I was done with that; I was sure

I somehow failed to realize

This is the same way you got me before

So why should it be different now?

I’m not trying to just make it so

You made it clear by leaving

But now it’s like you never wanted to let go

Of me, and I’ve always wanted to see

What you mean

I don’t want to be guessing

*instrumental interlude*

So leave it to me to read more into your words

Than I ought to

You know I would 'cause that’s how I am

But then I don’t know why

Two years later you would say 

Everything will work out like it’s supposed to

Implying that fate would move me away from here

And closer to you

So tell me I misread that

Tell me that’s not what you meant

TWS

Pictures and Words

Did you know that a group of ravens is called an "unkindness" and a group of owls is a "parliament"?

The one in the upper right corner makes me LOWL.

Mike and I were watching the 5th Harry Potter movie Thursday night:
*telling Harry about Voldemort's plan*
Sirius: Except this time, he's going to have something he didn't have before.
Me: A NOSE!??!?!?!

Have you heard of the new drink called the Sandy?
It's just a watered-down Manhattan.
...
Too soon?
Too soon.

I'm sure you're all wondering the events of yesterday.
Here are some "hi-lights":

- I had a terrible headache when we got to Atlanta.
- We got a free lunch. I took medicine for my headache.
- Our presentation went well.
- I started feeling really terrible; went to the bathroom, threw up.
- The awards ceremony happened. No, we didn't place. But I got a t-shirt, a laptop bag, and a $50 gift card to Best Buy.
- We got a free dinner. Dr. M and I try to leave at a time to avoid the worst traffic, but it is inevitable.
- So we're in traffic, and I feel like I have to throw up again, so we pull over in the middle of traffic in north Atlanta.
- And nothing happens.
- So I get back in the car and a few miles down the road, the same sick nauseating feeling comes back. But it's too late! I can't speak and tell him to get over or else I'll throw up all over my auditing professor's car!
- So I threw up in my mouth and swallowed it.
- This happened twice.
- This is a true story.
- And then I reclined the chair and slept all the way from south Atlanta to Exit 90 of I-16, which is about 2 and half hours.
- We stopped at a gas station and I bought really overpriced bottled water and gum because I really didn't want to have vomit-mouth all night.
- And then I felt a lot better and went home.

The end.

So, no, it wasn't a great day. I've never had headache nausea like that. And I think the parking garage got me all dizzy.
Georgia State hosted the thing and guess what team got first place? Georgia State.
They also have an internal auditing program. We cover internal auditing as half of a chapter.
I'm sure you can see the bias.

At least I can finally start enjoying my time off.
I'm going to cook so many tacos.

And, lastly, you can tell that One Tree Hill is a fictional show by the way the high school characters are into literature.

I lost my place but I can't stop this story,
TWS

People

People sometimes end their sentences with "et cetera et cetera et cetera" and they say it really fast.
That makes me think that they don't know what "et cetera" means.
One's good enough, man.
Chill out.

There's this guy I know that starts every sentence with, "I feel like..." and ends every sentence with, "you know what I mean?"
It bothered me until I figured out that pattern.
Now I just smile when he talks to me because I know what's coming.
I feel like he's easier to understand now, you know what I mean?

Sometimes I have days where it's just GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO ONETHINGONTOANOTHER!
And I feel like I don't even have time to sit down in the bathroom.
I know in reality I do have time, but it just feels like I don't.
They shouldn't call it a rest room. They should call it a stop-all-the-world-now room.
Howie Day would perform in there sometimes.
A rest room, to me, connotates a napping room. A place where I could lay down.
And rest.
And not listen to other people's phone conversations echoing off the walls.

My mind occupies so much of my brain.

Have you ever practiced a presentation so much that you don't even know what it means anymore?
At this point, I feel I'm just rearranging the words "strategic" "role" "effectiveness" and "acquisition" to make sentences.
And then my voice is so soft that I have to practice-yell the presentation to make sure I'm loud enough, which is just awkward for everyone I practice in front of, including the couch, the desk, and the cat.

If I could have told 8th-grade self, "Allie, when you're in graduate school, you will volunteer to do an oral presentation with people that you barely know in Atlanta", I wouldn't have.
Because then my 8th-grade self wouldn't have gone to college.

I think that's why time-travelling isn't allowed. It would rustle too many jimmies.

My hands smell like the mall.
Not the food court part- more like the hallway between A&F and American Eagle.

May you never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets,
TWS

Porch

I think I'm the only person in the world who likes paying bills.
Not because I particularly like spending money on utilities, but because paying all the bills in one sitting gives me a sense of accomplishment. It's different than buying things at a grocery store. Paying bills gives me a sense of GSD.

I should probably work in accounts payable some point in my life. I would probably really like that.

Today's topic: perspective.

Funny story; true story: Last semester in my International Accounting class, I had to write a paper on the FCPA. In this class, we had to have "peer reviews" by our classmates on our papers before we submitted the final draft. On my paper, some girl wrote that I needed to have "more perspection" in my writing.

If only I knew what perspection was.
(because, lol, it's not a word)

So does everyone here know what a Ponzi scheme is?

Wikipedia defines it as "a fraudulent investment operation that pays returns to its investors from their own money or the money paid by subsequent investors, rather than from profit earned by the individual or organization running the operation."

And we're going to go with what Wikipedia says.

Main idea: paying returns to investors from their own money or money paid by subsequent investors.

Doesn't this sound an awful lot like social security?
Everyone who works is required to contribute to this pot and then later, in theory, they will be able to get distributions from said pot.

(speaking of pot, it's legal in Colorado now. Denver really is now the mile high city...)

Am I making the claim that Social Security is in fact a Ponzi scheme?
Indirectly. I don't think it was intended to be, but do I think it's set up and operates like one.

Also, since Ponzi schemes never end in a good way, and everyone's freaking out about the way Social Security is going to collapse in the near future, I'd say the outcome will also be about the same.

But it's just a different perspective.

Callin' it like I see it,
TWS

-0-

It's a good day when all the financial statements balance.

=sum(H16:H29),
TWS

Second Grade

I feel a memory coming on.

Once upon a time, my family and I went to Six Flags. It was my first time riding roller coasters (that I can remember. For some reason, there's this picture of me in my photo album crying whilst riding a merry-go-round horse at the fair. I don't remember that, and I probably don't want to because the fair is really just awful. One of the abysmal fair workers probably made me upset like they always do.) Anyway, this time at Six Flags I was having a blast, riding every ride I was tall enough for: Mind Bender, American Scream Machine, you name it- I was there. Except for Batman. That wasn't built yet.

I was fearless.
So I decided to take on the Free Fall.
My dad and sisters got on the ride, and we began to be hoisted up longitudinally before the infamous "fall".
I don't know what suddenly changed, but I got really scared and whimpered, "Can I get down? I don't want to do this anymore."
My dad looked over at me, laughed and said, "It's too late now!"

And then the terrible ride happened.
We fell. I screamed.
And it was over before I knew it; the only thing different was that my back and head hurt terribly.

So that's kind of how I feel about this audit project.
My group and I had this conference call yesterday, and we stayed late talking about our presentation. We're going to have another call on Monday and then prepare all next week for the final presentation on Friday. Then on Friday, the drive to and from Atlanta is going to take so long and then I'm going to be so nervous and stressed about the presentation, and I think I might just swoon.

Can I get down? I don't want to do this anymore.

And all I can think about is my dad's goofy face saying, "It's too late now!"

It will probably be over before I know it, so I'm just going to have to suffer through the head and back pain like I did when I was 6.

"Walk on, walk on, walk on. You can't go back now."
~The Weepies

When you were young,
TWS

Ticks and Tax

I did something naughty today.

Don’t worry; it’s nothing like you’re thinking.

I walked to my car and saw something pinned under my windshield wipers.

And I hate hate hate hate hate haaaaaaaaaaate when people put crap there (including parking tickets). It’s just creepy that someone was out there touching my car. I mean- do NOT put your icky stranger hands all over my property! When you put crap there, it’s really anti-advertising because it angers me to the point that I want to not go to the very thing that you’re advertising just out of spite.

But that is just an aside.

So there was an advertisement for Ruby Tuesdays under there and they were like, “Hey! We’re actually doing something good for the community!”

I read the ad, and apparently if you “enjoy a meal” with them on this one arbitrary day, they will donate 20% of your bill to the charity of your choice.

How thoughtful.

Those italics mean sarcasm.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!?!?

You may be like, “Whut? Allie J- whut r u tawlkin’ aboot?”

(Yes, in my fantasies you are half-redneck, half-canadian.)

But just hear me out:

Ruby Tuesdays is acting like they’re being a good corporate citizen and socially responsible and other key terms that you may or may not have learned in Introduction to Business. But what they’re really doing is siphoning off a part of their revenue, supposedly making a donation, and then probably taking the tax deduction for it. They are essentially using their customers to get a tax benefit.

If nobody ate at Ruby Tuesdays that day, you think they would still give the donation? NO.

Here’s a BETTER idea:

Give customers a 20% discount on their meal if they make a donation. If they don’t donate, they pay full price. Tax deduction for customer whose money is actually making the donation? CHECK. Still major profits because their prices are so outrageous? CHECK. Good corporate citizenship? CHECK.

Winz for everyonez.

So I circled their “deal” on the ad and wrote, “Why don’t you just give me a 20% discount on my meal and let me take the tax deduction for the charitable contribution?” And THEN I found a spare tack on a bulletin board in COBA and posted that bitch up for all to see.

(That was the naughty thing I did.)

If Ruby Tuesdays really wanted to be charitable, they would make substantial donations anyway and not have it dependent on customer sales on one. Random. Day. Substance over form, guys. Come on.

I’ve also noticed something about myself.

(I have a giant butt.)

I really do. I was making these shorts the other day…

But I’ll save that for my seamstress blog.

For real though- I’ve noticed something else about myself. About my values.

Over a year ago, I was almost dead set in being a member of this prestigious accounting fraternity. There was a huge time commitment with service and professional hours as well as a rather large up-front investment of $150.

 I was certain that networking in this “club” would bring me great job prospects, and so I thought all of it would be worth it.

But then I found out that candidates/members had to sell discount cards, and this was honestly the deal-breaker for me. Never mind that I was taking 18 hours of upper division accounting courses or that I was spending plenty of time being the secretary of the Accounting Association. The time management thing I could handle. I knew I was good at that. Even the $150 I could work off from answering phone calls in the bursar’s office.

But DISCOUNT CARDS?

I’ve discovered that fundraising goes against my core values. Maybe it’s because I suck at it, but I just don’t believe it’s right to con people into buying things they don’t really want.

“Oh- 10% off items I never buy at a restaurant I never go to only valid one day a week? SWEET DEAL!”

Said no one in the history of ever.

Call it conning, call it persuasion, call it salesmanship: pitching crap to people just to get money is WRONG, and I will NOT be doing it!

And that’s what selling discount cards is like. How can I sell something to someone when I don’t even believe in it?

Candidates who didn’t sell all their cards had to submit an extra $50 as if they did.

So I didn’t join the club, and yet it turns out I got a rockin’ awesome accounting job without it. Joining the club was the best thing I ever didn’t.

Also, voting for a white president doesn’t make you racist.

Just thought I should point that out.

It’s boots and chaps; it’s cowboy hats,

TWS

(if someone comments and puts "It's spurs and latigo", I will give you hugs and a GIF of a really cute  owl)

Prepared Remarks

My life is so awesome right now:

     a. Grad school is low maintenance
     b. I have a top-drawer full-time job lined up
     c. My current job is still awesome
     d. I made a dress the other day that is hands-down my BEST sewing project ever
     e. Mike is an amazing human being

I may have peaked.

Picture unrelated,
TWS