Fare Thee Well

I'm feeling particularly introverted today.

Sometimes I google things like, "I don't want to hang out with my friends" to read forums where people share the same sentiments as me.

Or I watch this video and skip to 3:18 to remind myself that I am not the only person in the world who feels like this.
In fact, I'm married to a person just like this.

I guess I'm having trouble finding the line between selfishness vs being myself.

It's about to get really honest up in here. I hope you're ready for it.

So I feel like I'm a bad Christian because I don't like hanging out with people.
How can you show that you love someone without spending time with them?

One of the hardest things for me to do is to commit to some social engagement after work because it it takes so much energy.

Work already brings me from like 100% to about 35% (on Fridays, I'm at like 50% because I usually have the afternoons to myself). I use the remaining 35% of energy to make dinner, clean the house or the yard, exercise, and then some type of hobby to relax and recharge before I have to get up and do it all over again.

People think that the worst thing about working late is having to do work for later than usual.
No, no, no.
The worst thing about working late is having to be around people and noise and phones for that much longer, all the while knowing that the opportunity cost of working late is sweet, quiet time alone.

Weekends are hard to commit, too, because those two days are like a mini stay-cation  of free time and true rest.
Hanging out with people is not a relaxing activity to me. I love the days where I can just chill because there is no where I have to be and no one is expecting me to show up.

And this isn't your social-anxiety I-don't-want-to-hang-out-with-people-because-I-feel-judged-around-them.
It's just, I'd really just rather be alone.
It's not anything against you, it's just that I kind of feel like being alone right now.
And almost all of the other times you want to hang out.

I can't 'splain it. It just is.

So what's selfish and what's not?

Small talk is the worst,
TWS