Simple Machines

Do you ever do mic checks and have nothing to say except the boring old "check, one two three"?

Majority of audience: "No."

Well, here are ten more interesting things to say while your audio team is fiddling with the levers and pulleys:

1. I saw a hippie girl on 8th avenue; she barely looked at me for a second or two. And I suddenly realized I no longer look much like a hippie. Mmmmm.

2. You have reached the Sprint Voicemail box of...Nine. One. Two. Four. Seven. Eight. Nine. One. Three. Five.

3. Hallo. Ich heisse Allie. Ich mag schwimmen und Gitarre spielen, und ich mag Katzen. Ich komme aus Amerika und meine lieblingsfarben sind orange und blue da ich habe zwei lieblingsfarben. 99 luftballoons. Tschüss!**

4. This one time at college, I was putting on my make up in the dorm room, and I sneezed. At the same time, a guy was walking by in the hallway, heard me, and said, "Bless you!" I said thank you and he said you're welcome. And we never saw each other. True story.

5. They say that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself. But what about the daddy long legs?

6. If you're faithful to your daily practicing
You will find your progress is encouraging.
Do mi so mi, do mi so mi, fa la so it goes
When you do your scales and your arpeggios

7. I always try to minimize the amount of noise that the microwave makes, so I usually just press the 30 Second button and let it go. In order to make popcorn, I have to press it four times. I was like, "Wait; four beeps seems like a lot of beeps for just two minutes." So then I tried pushing a 2 and two zeroes and the start button, and that also makes four beeps. Looks like popcorn's just going to be noisy no matter what.

8. If there's a bustle in your hedgerow, don't be alarmed now. It's just a spring clean for the may queen. Yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run, there's still time to change the road you're on.

9. The man who did the waking buys the man who was sleeping a drink. The man who was sleeping drinks it, while listening to a proposition from the man who did the waking.

10. I come from a land, from a far away place where the caravan camels roam. Where they cut off your ear if they don't like your face. It's barbaric! But, hey, it's home.

Citations: Jeffrey Lewis, The Aristocats, Led Zeppelin, Pirates of the Caribbean, Alladin.

No, silly, that's not my phone number,
TWS