Joy

Sometimes I feel like Outlook takes 17 years to open.

In other news, I've decided to stop pussy-footin' around and commit to biking to work.
If I keep pussy-footin' around, I'm going to end up looking like this:

Sam = the pussy-footer

Even though he is cute and fluffy and adorable, look at the way he doesn't fit in his clothes from last year (and that one golden eye is just creepy).
I want to be cute, but not at the expense of being fat...

So in an effort to besuade myself from not committing to commuting by bike, I've come up with a series of dichotomies to thwart even my lamest excuses.

"Wait, Allie, 'besuade' isn't even a word. Like, seriously, I typed it into Word and a red squiggly came under it."
I know, I know. I have a habit of inventing words.
But if you want to be cool like me, "besuade" means to persuade someone against something.
For instance, I besuade you from doing drugs because it ruins lives. "Persuade" doesn't make much sense here.
So there. If you say it fast enough and with conviction, it sounds quite impressive.
Increase your lexicon!

And now onto the dichotomies:

Problem: My butt hurts so bad after like eight miles.
Solution: First off, be thankful that you actually have a butt. Secondly, be thankful that your commute's only like 10 miles. Thirdly, buy some padded biking shorts.

Problem: I usually drink coffee on the way to work. What am I supposed to do, take coffee in a Camelback?
Solution: Don't drink coffee on the way because you're going to have to pee like a cow on a flat rock before you get there which will lead to some even more uncomfortable riding. Drink some water when you're half way there and then get free coffee at work. Also, drinking disgusting work coffee builds character and makes weekend coffee taste that much better.

Problem: It gets dark earlier and earlier. How am I supposed to not get killed while biking in the dark?
Solution: Buy some snazzy, cheap lights from China with free shipping. Seriously, I just bought a set for like $3.

Problem: I wear heels to work, and I don't want to lug them around in my backpack.
Solution: Bring all the heels you ever wear to work and store them the bottom left drawer of the desk. Yeah, you know the one with nothing in it. You don't wear your boring work heels to church or anywhere else anyway, so they might as well live there.

Problem: I sweat.
Solution: Bring a change of clothes, duh.

Problem: I get really, really hungry and tired after working out.
Solution: Eat a few pounds of vegetables first. Then oatmeal, beans, chicken, eggs, greek yogurt, and nuts. It may not be all super tasty, but you'll be so hungry you won't even care. You might even start drinking black coffee. As for being tired, good thing you'll be sitting at desk for 8+ hours after your ride. And then...
And then and then and then
You get to go home and eat and sleep. Doesn't that sound WONDERFUL?
Yes. Yes, it does.

Problem: What if it rains?
Solution: We're actually still working on this one because it hasn't happened yet. Well, I did ride in the rain to Lowe's that one time. But that's because I grew a pair and just did it.

Problem: I'm going to have to wake up stupid early to do this.
Solution: Just by 40 minutes... Plus, you don't have to put on makeup at the house. You can just change and go. And if you do it more and more, you'll get faster, maybe, and then it will take even less time.

Problem: I'm going to get home stupid late to do this.
Solution: 5:15 isn't that late, and you won't even need to spend time in the evening to work out. That way, when you feel like collapsing into a heap of bones after dinner, you can. Win.

Problem: People are going to look at me all weird.
Solution: Be cool. Because you are cool. I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but you are way cooler than you used to be.

Tie my handlebars to the stars,
TWS

Caving In; Owl City