Hark, how all the welkin rings

This one time at college...

...that's how all good stories start, right?....

This one time at college, I had a friend in RUF that was a community leader in the dorms. As a community leader, she would be required to hold events in the dorm to try to make the dorm not such a miserable place.
She invited me to one of her events one time even though it wasn't in my dorm, and I went because she was my friend (and there was a promise of herbal tea at said event).

So I went, and there was like one other person there. I had my tea and walked around the common room. On the tables, there were strips of paper with all these random questions on them. I was like, "What're all these for?" And she was like, "Conversation starters."

Definitely not a bad idea for a social event.

Because it turns out that at 22, almost 23, I still don't know exactly how to introduce myself, meet people, and do all the right things right so that I don't come off looking like some social spazoid nincompoop.
Because that's really what I am on the inside: a social spazoid nincompoop.
But can I let people know that?
Noooooooooooooo

I just don't know what to say to people.
You know, when you first meet a person, here are the topics of conversation:
1. Your name
2. What you do
3. Do you live around here
4. Where are you from?

But then where do you go from there?

WHERE!?!?!?!!

I have an easier time relating to high school kids because at least I can talk about things that I've done in all my days and I can sort of relate. But they're at an even awkwarder stage than I am, so they don't really ask questions back. So it's kind of like interviewing rather than having a conversation...

But then with the older folks, I really don't know what to say because there are so many things in life I haven't done.
Like kids. I have not done and will never do kids.
(Audience: Never say never.... babies...accidents...you'll change your mind and also diapers one day...)

So while everyone's talking about doctors and time measured in weeks like that's totally normal, I'm just sitting there, blinking along while my mind is making my list of reasons not to have kids even longer.
Needless to say, I'm not really part of that conversation...

And so I guess I'll quote a Britney Spears' song on my blog now.

"I'm not a girl. Not yet a woman."

In college, there were things to talk about. Like, class and teachers and whether you were Pro-Southern-going-to-the-sunbelt-conference-or-not (which was a big thing my last semester).

But now that I'm all grown up except not really, I have a hard time relating to people!
Like bad.
Really really bad.
I feel like I need strips of paper floating around me at all times so that when things get awkward and I'm just making malicious eye contact with someone I just met, I can pull one from mid-air and ask "What's the weirdest dream you've ever had?" and it would be perfectly acceptable to have a conversation such as that because I had a conversation starter.

I had a pretty weird dream last night. I was in outer space like in the movie Gravity even though I've never seen that movie, and I was pointing out all the things that were impossible. Like, "there shouldn't be sound out here" and "it's not cold enough for it to be space". And then I had a dream that Palm Beach in Florida had clear water, and I'm just looking at Google pictures now, and it looks like my dream is correct and it does have clear water, so my dream was not so much wacky as it was accurate.

But if I used that as dinner conversation, I'd get a lot of nods, tight grins, and eyebrows.
So many eyebrows.

I guess I'll forever and always be that-shy-girl-that-you'll-have-to-get-to-know-because-she's-really-funny-when-you-get-to-know-her-but-until-then-she's-awkward-and-meh.

First impressions are not my thing,
TWS