Chills, Frills, and Thrills

Yesterday, I did a bunch of stuff that I don't normally do on a weekday.

First, Mike and I went to the mall.
This reason was two fold. Mike had to get some Drake jeans.

"What are Drake jeans?"

I'm so glad you asked.

From the game Uncharted, this is Nathan Drake:

And he has some bad-ass jeans.

Oh, look, it's Mike/Drake and Allie/Elena:

Because, um, we kind of look like them. Minus guns.

The second reason was that I had coupon for free panties.

And you just don't pass up a coupon for free panties.

But, oh, the torture at what they make you go through for free panties!

There's the glaring lights. And the blaring music.
It's like some perv's 56th birthday party or something.
And then there's the over-enthusiastic workers that will always ALWAYS find you and always ALWAYS ask you if you're "finding everything okay".

"Yeah...um...I'm just here for the free stuff..."

And the way they display the underwear is the weirdest. Most of it isn't on top of tables and platforms like every other lingerie department in the mall. You know- visible? They put into these fashionable little drawers, so when you're "shopping", you really look like you're rummaging through someone's panties drawer.

You feel like you're rummaging through someone else's panties.
It's WEIRD.

Especially if you can't find your size. Then it's rummage, rummage, rummage, feel self-conscious because then everyone's walking around watching you rummage, sweat, rummage, rummage, give up, walk around until other people leave, continue to rummage...

Then, finally, you decide on a pair and head to checkout.
Oh no. The line is long.
So then you wait, trying to avoid eye contact. Trying to ignore the arguments behind you about what bra size she wears. Hurry up hurry up hurry up.

"I can take the next person."

At last! I get to put these in a bag and leave!
And then they ask the incriminating question, "You don't want to get a bra and save $10 today?"

Nah. Because I don't consider $10 off a $52 bra a "sale".

Of course, this makes me look like a total tool, but if this really bothered them, then they'd stop sending me free panty coupons.
And I do buy stuff.
But I do it online.
Alone.
In the dark.
Because that is the only rational way to shop for underwear.

So I finally emerge from the underpants palace and meet up with Mike, who, like any gender-conscious male, stayed outside during my panty escapade.

Was it worth it?

"An $11.50 value."

I also watched "Clueless" last night. It was actually one of the best movies I've seen in a while.
Er- pretty much the only movie I've seen in a while.
But genuinely entertaining nonetheless.
Next on my list: Breakfast Club because I somehow still haven't seen that.

The room's hush-hush and now is our moment,
TWS

All About Us; He is We