Fuzz

Five surprising things that annoy me:

1. "Brown Eyed Girl" by Van Morrison

Especially when I wake up with that really stupid part in my head.
"SHALALALALA BIT BAI BIT BAI BIT BAI LA TE DA!"

And then when he actually starts saying words:

"ANDWHATEVERAPPENED. TO TUESDAY AND SO SLOW."

I don't even know what that could mean, if anything.

2. Fortune cookies

I hate that nasty crinkly little wrapper.
I hate the crunchy texture.
I hate the taste.
I hate that little forture inside.
I hate the lottery numbers on the back of the little fortune inside.

I don't know why.

3. Paper shopping bags

Because if I have to carry my groceries in my arms, I might as well not have a bag.

I don't know if it's because I bring my own bags, but whenever my two canvas bags fill up, the bag people think that I will get all offended if they start putting my stuff in plastic.
So they put it in paper.

But if you look at the facts, paper bags don't make sense:

FACT #1: Trash goes to landfills. In the end, it doesn't matter if it's paper/plastic because the term "biodegradable" is only applicable in compost heaps. Things are not supposed to biodegrade in a landfill because it is too tightly packed. True story.

FACT #2: Plastic bags are more recyclable in my household than paper bags. What am I going to do with a paper bag? Draw a scary face on it, sit on my grandparents porch, hold a basket of candy on Halloween and scare kids?

Ok, yes, I did that. But that has been the only use of one paper bag.

FACT #3: THE TREES, MAN.

So, in reality, plastic > paper.

4. When people use ellipses instead of periods

Exhibit A: excerpt from an actual work e-mail

Please see attached…let me know if you need anything else…thanks.

 

It's like a run-on sentence that has the hiccups.

5. Skirts that are longer in the back than they are in the front

It's pretty much the mullet of spring fashion.

Brown-eyed girl,
TWS