Beard

I have pictures and true stories.

We stayed at one of the worst hotels ever.
Let me rephrase that.
We stayed at one of the worst valued hotels ever.
You may think that $199 a night would include the normal amenities that a normal $199 a night hotel would have. But it wanted to charge us separately for everything and disclose this information in a really tiny place.
For example, we got in from our 5.5 hour drive and found some water waiting for us.
Awesome! Water!

If only Admiral Ackbar had been there to warn us.

It was a $4 per bottle trap.
And we didn't find out until today.

So then we were all tired and just wanted to chill with some Netflix and How I Met Your Mother.

Only we come to find out that the internet costs $9.95 every 24 hours.

Like ARE YOU SERIOUS.
This hotel doesn't have free WiFi OR a continental breakfast and it's $199 a night?
WHAT except the extremely comfortable king sized bed ARE WE PAYING FOR?

And on top of all that, they were rewiring all the elevators, so it took forever to get down from the sixth floor because the elevators would go up and down and up and down and back up again before they went back down.

Mike and I would joke about all the other things they might charge us for.
Oh, you used the little shampoo and conditioner? That'll be $2.00. Each.
And then they claimed to be a "green" hotel trying to recycle and do laundry less and what not, so we joked about that, too.
We have it on record that you used the lamps instead of the natural lighting. There will be an extra $25 added to your final bill.

Don't worry. We didn't pay $199 a night.
And we are never ever going back to a Sheraton.

Also, while I'm in whining mode, let me say that women are ridiculous.
Everywhere we went, there was like this huge line for the women's restroom while the guys were able to go in and out like as freely as oxygen can pass between the phospho-lipid bilayer of a cell membrane.

(Does anyone understand that simile? #APbiologyFTW)

But the women were taking FOREVER. Gas stations, restaurants, rest areas, restrooms, pretty much any place with the word 'rest' in it. I was really wishing I was a guy just so I wouldn't have so much bathroom traffic.
Geez.
Thank goodness football is a men's game. The ladies room was perfectly acceptable at the stadium.

Ah, the stadium:

I KNOW, RIGHT?
It made me want to be a Buccaneer's fan just by looking at all the pirate scenery.
Hoist the flags, ready the krewe, fire the cannons.
They fired cannons every time the buccaneers scored.
Which wasn't much (haha- burn), but there were fireworks, guys, FIREWORKS.

And we got first row seats.

And sunburns.
But it was so cool. I know you have no clue who the Rams are, but after having Mike yell and scream every Sunday at these guys, I began to feel a personal connection with them.

So when Johnny Hekker, the punter, is standing right there in front of you...

It's: OMG JOHNNY HEKKER IS STANDING RIGHT THERE!!!!

<whining>
I don't like cheerleaders. At all.
</whining>

And, I'm probably doing this "without the NFL's consent", but I know how you all love a good video.

So here's a video of a touchdown:

Yes, that is Mike going "LET'S GO SAM!!!!! YES SIR!!!!!!! WOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TOUCHDOWN!!!!!!!!!!!"

He told me not to post that, but I'm already breaking rules, so why not.

Before the game:

After the game:

#prayerworks

And I have one final story to tell.

Saturday night, we checked into the hotel late afternoon, and then we decided to go eat. Neither of us were craving anything in particular, so we just wanted to window shop to see what we felt like eating.

Chili's? No. Steak & Shake? No. Taco Bell? No.

It's like we couldn't decide on anything. 

And then I was like, "I kind of feel like pizza."

We drove on this road that must have been 5-10 miles long filled with restaurants, nude bars, and equipment rental places. Mike was skeptical of food places that he didn't know, but I wanted pizza, so I suggest that we stop into a little place that said "PIZZA" on it that was part of the plaza. 

Mike: "No, no. That looks sketchy. I don't want to eat there. What if you get food poisoning?"

Me: "I don't care. I want pizza. And you know places that specialize in just PIZZA are the best. You know- like just a slice of this nice, greasy, New York style pizza oozing in cheese with pepperoni all fallin' off... And then I'll get a salad at Wendy's."

Mike: "Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine. Look for it."

So we turn around and start heading back this smorgasbord of restaurants, nude bars, and equipment rental places. 

I looked for it everywhere, but I could not find my sketchy "PIZZA" place!! And before I knew it, we were back at the beginning of the road.

Mike wanted me to settle for something else, but at this point, I had made too much of a deal about this pizza place that I saw and I was determined to find it.

Poor Mike for putting up with me.

So we're creeping along for the third time on this road looking for this little place. We finally find it again and park at Firehouse subs because this place was even too small for its own parking.

We go in, and it turned out to be this nice, humble little homemade Italian pizza joint with pizza for $1.67 a slice. 

"Paci's Pizza" it was.

They led us to a table, and we looked over the menu and decided to stop our arduous search and eat there.

So I got my big, ol' greasy slice of pizza.

It was so huge, they had to bring it out spread across two paper plates.

And then I got this huge, I mean HUGE salad.

It came in one of those big deep 16'' diameter metal bowls we used to feed the dogs with.

I crap you not.

Meanwhile, Mike orders a "roll" which is apparently "like a stromboli except rolled less times".

Whatever that means.

That was also about 16 inches long, and he absolutely loved it.

Mike: "I take back everything *gulp* I said about this place."

In my experience, hole-in-the-wall restaurants are the best kind. Chicago- awesome taco place; New York- awesome Chinese place; Tampa Bay- awesome pizza place. They're family run, and though they may lack in ample seating room, they make up for it in taste (and also price). 

So that was the trip. We got little souvenir Tampa Bay Buccaneer ornaments when we got to the game.

I'm going to go hang them on the tree we don't have.

Merry Christmas, from us.

Can't wait to say "from the Harshners",

TWS