Ticks and Tax

I did something naughty today.

Don’t worry; it’s nothing like you’re thinking.

I walked to my car and saw something pinned under my windshield wipers.

And I hate hate hate hate hate haaaaaaaaaaate when people put crap there (including parking tickets). It’s just creepy that someone was out there touching my car. I mean- do NOT put your icky stranger hands all over my property! When you put crap there, it’s really anti-advertising because it angers me to the point that I want to not go to the very thing that you’re advertising just out of spite.

But that is just an aside.

So there was an advertisement for Ruby Tuesdays under there and they were like, “Hey! We’re actually doing something good for the community!”

I read the ad, and apparently if you “enjoy a meal” with them on this one arbitrary day, they will donate 20% of your bill to the charity of your choice.

How thoughtful.

Those italics mean sarcasm.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!?!?

You may be like, “Whut? Allie J- whut r u tawlkin’ aboot?”

(Yes, in my fantasies you are half-redneck, half-canadian.)

But just hear me out:

Ruby Tuesdays is acting like they’re being a good corporate citizen and socially responsible and other key terms that you may or may not have learned in Introduction to Business. But what they’re really doing is siphoning off a part of their revenue, supposedly making a donation, and then probably taking the tax deduction for it. They are essentially using their customers to get a tax benefit.

If nobody ate at Ruby Tuesdays that day, you think they would still give the donation? NO.

Here’s a BETTER idea:

Give customers a 20% discount on their meal if they make a donation. If they don’t donate, they pay full price. Tax deduction for customer whose money is actually making the donation? CHECK. Still major profits because their prices are so outrageous? CHECK. Good corporate citizenship? CHECK.

Winz for everyonez.

So I circled their “deal” on the ad and wrote, “Why don’t you just give me a 20% discount on my meal and let me take the tax deduction for the charitable contribution?” And THEN I found a spare tack on a bulletin board in COBA and posted that bitch up for all to see.

(That was the naughty thing I did.)

If Ruby Tuesdays really wanted to be charitable, they would make substantial donations anyway and not have it dependent on customer sales on one. Random. Day. Substance over form, guys. Come on.

I’ve also noticed something about myself.

(I have a giant butt.)

I really do. I was making these shorts the other day…

But I’ll save that for my seamstress blog.

For real though- I’ve noticed something else about myself. About my values.

Over a year ago, I was almost dead set in being a member of this prestigious accounting fraternity. There was a huge time commitment with service and professional hours as well as a rather large up-front investment of $150.

 I was certain that networking in this “club” would bring me great job prospects, and so I thought all of it would be worth it.

But then I found out that candidates/members had to sell discount cards, and this was honestly the deal-breaker for me. Never mind that I was taking 18 hours of upper division accounting courses or that I was spending plenty of time being the secretary of the Accounting Association. The time management thing I could handle. I knew I was good at that. Even the $150 I could work off from answering phone calls in the bursar’s office.

But DISCOUNT CARDS?

I’ve discovered that fundraising goes against my core values. Maybe it’s because I suck at it, but I just don’t believe it’s right to con people into buying things they don’t really want.

“Oh- 10% off items I never buy at a restaurant I never go to only valid one day a week? SWEET DEAL!”

Said no one in the history of ever.

Call it conning, call it persuasion, call it salesmanship: pitching crap to people just to get money is WRONG, and I will NOT be doing it!

And that’s what selling discount cards is like. How can I sell something to someone when I don’t even believe in it?

Candidates who didn’t sell all their cards had to submit an extra $50 as if they did.

So I didn’t join the club, and yet it turns out I got a rockin’ awesome accounting job without it. Joining the club was the best thing I ever didn’t.

Also, voting for a white president doesn’t make you racist.

Just thought I should point that out.

It’s boots and chaps; it’s cowboy hats,

TWS

(if someone comments and puts "It's spurs and latigo", I will give you hugs and a GIF of a really cute  owl)