Last week, I went to Chicago.
And unlike everyone in the history of anyone who has ever gone on vacation anywhere, I will not be starting a brand new blog droning on and on about my experiences and how I am so influential in every part of the world.
Because that is redundant.
And stupid.
Chapter 1: Planes
I don't like planes. (But don't tell Gulfstream that because I REALLY want to work for them!)
It's more like I don't like riding in planes.
Although, I've gotten way better at it through this simple epitaph-that's-not-really-an-epitaph-but-we're-calling-it-that-anyway-because-epitaph-is-a-cool-word:
I like roller coasters.
I hate planes.
Solution to planes: treat them like they're roller coasters.
So I just close my eyes during take off and pretend I'm riding Batman!!!!!!!!!!!!
Please do not take that out of context.
Chapter 2: The Ritz
Mum and I stayed at the Ritz-Carlton in Chicago where they have chandeliers in elevators and bowls of expensive mixed nuts strategically placed throughout the hotel. I felt severely under-dressed in my jeans and Converse, but people in Chicago are really nice to me. More on that later.
We had a Lake-Michigan front view on the 23rd floor:
You can't really see the lake, though. It was like 50 degrees, rainy and windy the entire time we were there.
We really couldn't have had worse weather.
Chapter 3: The Museum of Contemporary Art
I have never seen so many male genitalia in my life.
Chapter 4: My Chicago Street Adventure
My whole reason for going to Chicago was to be inspired and to go in a store of one of my favorite designers, Cynthia Rowley.
It was really rainy that Thursday and abominably cold. Like- wind chill of 45 cold. I didn't feel like calling a taxi because taxi rides are even worse than planes. Also, my instructions after my appendectomy were to walk more, increasing endurance and distance.
So I looked up where this store was on my iPad...
Subchapter I: My iPad
I brought it along a substitute for a computer. This was a GOOD IDEA.
Although, most of the e-mails I got were heart-breaking, such as the one from Armstrong Atlantic telling me that they blatantly had better people to interview.
Whatever.
But anyway, I also noticed the following phenomenon concerning myself and my iPad:
I am the 1%.
...and the store was about 2.5 miles away from our hotel in Lincoln Park.
I wrote down the directions, and I started walking.
In the rain. And the wind. And my umbrella broke.
But I made it! And I didn't get lost!
And then I bought a pair of tights that are super comfortable.
Subchapter II: Allie J Does Not Look Like a Tourist
I really don't. Three different times on my walk, people came to ask me for directions. I guess I looked like I knew where I was going.
So I was on my way back from the store (I stopped in at a Starbucks along the way for a pretentious frappuccino and then continued), and by my calculations, I was about a mile or so from the hotel.
And I was SO TIRED. I had already walked about 4 miles and my dogs were barking. Not to mention, there was this strange (black) guy that came up to me, asked me how I was doing, my name, if I had a boyfriend, and if I was faithful.
I pointed the ring on my finger and did the thing from Won't Get Fooled Again (skip to 7:49) by the Who:
"YEEEEEEEEEEAH!"
And then he walked away.
So anyway- I was about a mile away from the hotel, and a car pulls up and two guys inside ask me for directions to North Michigan Ave. I was like, "I'm not from around here, but that's actually where I'm headed. You go straight, make a right on Lake Shore and that becomes N. Michigan."
Listen to me. Like I'm a city dweller.
And they were like, "Thanks! Hey- do you need a ride?"
And since I'm young, stupid, and not at all afraid of death, I said ok and got inside!
*audience gasps because rape exists*
C'mon, guys. They weren't shady. And it was SO RAINY.
They were looking for a coffee shop on the street and their GPS had gotten all confused with the street name changes. In thanks of my generous directions, they dropped me off near my hotel, and everyone lived happily ever after.
Free ride = win.
And then Frank Sinatra's My Kind of Town instantly started playing in my head:
This is my kind of town, Chicago is
My kind of town, Chicago is
My kind of people, too
People who smile at you...
It's a fantastic song.
And that's the true story of how Allie J doesn't look like a tourist.
Chapter 5: Shoppin'
Mum and I went shopping in a 7-story shopping mall inside the same building as the hotel.
And here is a picture of me with some dresses made out of candy wrappers.
It combines two of my interests: clothing design and candy.
I like candy.
(that one's for you, Mike. And also nuggets. That is all.)Chapter 6: Airport Security
I think it's interesting that in a U.S. court of law, you're assumed innocent until proven guilty.
In airport security, however, you are treated guilty until proven innocent.
So in the O'Hare airport (which remarkably resembles the Terminal stage on Call of Duty MW2, btw), they have signs about how kids under 12 don't have to take their shoes off and neither do old people over the age of 75. If terrorists know this, couldn't they just hide their contraband in other people's shoes?
This is why exceptions to rules are dumb. If you make too many exceptions to rules, then they just become silly guidelines that no one even understands anymore.
Example: the Internal Revenue Code.
I had a half-full bottle of water in my purse when they shoved it through the scanner. At the end of the conveyor belt, the guy pulls out the bottle and was like- "You can't have this. Let me rerun this."
As in- let's rerun this bin that we JUST put through with one less thing in it and see if anything comes up this time.
Meanwhile, my pants were falling down because my belt was in the same bin.
Turns out, surprise, that nothing else in my purse was treacherous save for the life-threatening water.
But sure, the 10 year-old kid with C-4 in her tennis shoes can board.
THESE POLICIES AND PROCEDURES DO NOT MAKE SENSE TO ME.
Epilogue
I missed Georgia. I really did. The weather, the boyfriend, the sweet tea, the lower food prices...
But I had a nice time and came back super inspired with several sewing ideas.
I love inspirational places.
One town that won't let you down
It's myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy kind of town,
TWS
No comments:
Post a Comment