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I've decided, much to everyone's dismay (where "everyone" = boyfriend), to start recording my puns.

Oh, yes.

They are so bad that they are good, and I want to be able to look back when I'm 80 and lol myself into hysterics. Kind of like I already do now. But anyway...

Here's a true story that illustrates my pun talent:

In International Accounting class, we had to divide up into groups and then talk about the current events that we found. My friend Jamie did his current event on Australia having a separate stock exchange for Islamic reporting entities.

Oh my gosh I am so bored right now typing this. But just hang on- the good part's coming.

Apparently with Islamic accounting, it's against their religion or whatever to earn interest on an investment, so instead investors make money from gains of sales.
Jamie said something along the lines of, "I just thought it was interesting how with Islamic accounting you're not allowed to earn interest."
And then I said, "You're right. That is interesting."

It was so bad/good/bad. Everyone just kind of looked at me while I giggled maniacally.
But that's what normally happens around here.
I'll be sure to record more as they come along.

I'd also like to address two phrases/words up with which I have come:

1. "He's all eyebrows and mustache"- this is to describe a person who literally has more hair than they do face.

2. "Fihusfriend"- this is to describe a person with whom you are only a ring and a date away from being spouses (spice?)

Profound words from Fihusfriend:

*discussing whether to go to Taco Bell or El Som tomorrow*
Mike: At El Som I could get something else. That'd be different.

I went to my advisement appointment last week, and my advisor (from here on out who will be referred to as "The Doctor") made a kind of snarky comment, which he may not have meant to have been snarky, but I took it as snarky, but I'm not holding it against The Doctor because I generally like The Doctor which is a phrase that SHOULD NOT BE TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT because I really hate going to the doctor for medical reasons and this sentence is way too long, so I'll be ending it now.

So I sat down in The Doctor's office, and he opened up my folder and said, "So what are we doing in the fall...*looks at folder*...besides making all A's?"

Like- was that a shot?

So to in order to convince the general public that school is not all that I do and to convince myself that I do have a life that doesn't suck as much as it sometimes seems to, I've composed a list of things at which I generally succeed am completely awesome.

1. Sometimes when I can't sleep, I write limericks.
I wrote this one the other night:

There once was a girl who said
That she liked to wear hats on her head.
So upon her noggin
She wore a toboggan
That was crocheted a bright colored red.



(that's me)

2. Making puns whenever opportunity stumbles in drunk late at night knocks.
(see above true story)

3. Eating raw carrots without dressing or dip. Not many people, I've found, can stomach this. I do it literally every other day.
In fact, yesterday I bit into a carrot just using my bottom teeth, and it looked like a shark had attacked it. How's that for awesome?

4. Writing creative song lyrics.
I was able to work the word "refrigerator" into one of my songs AND make it rhyme with something else.
I would post the entire song on here, but the narwhal bacons at midnight.
Since you're curious, I'll tell you that I made it an end rhyme with the words, "to date her".

5. Striking through words on my blog.

6. Playing free cell.
Before my laptop died, I had a clean record of 300 games won, 0 lost.
Perfect. Statistics.

Of course, this ranks right up there with "Man- I'm really good at checkers!" which Demetri Martin likens to saying, "Man- I'm not good at a lot of things!"
But that is just an aside.

7. Grammar. I'm really really really good at grammar.
Which, ironically, is sometimes not utilized correctly on this blog. (like right there. and right here.)
However, I happen to have a creative license that I can whip out and use whenever I need to like a super emergency rocket pack.

Yeah.

7. Wearing clothes.
I viewed this the other day and found like maybe 4% of them acceptable.
Not because of I think I have such an elite taste in clothes, but because I just don't think people know how to wear clothes that:
a. fit their body type and style
b. don't make them look like they're trying too hard

And I realize it was a style challenge and that they were probably trying really hard, and that's probably why they won't win.

Just my opinion, but it's true.
So yeah. I'm good at not trying too hard.

Which is the point I'm trying to make.
So maybe I tried really hard to get really good grades so I could get scholarships so I could get money.
Money motivates people to do crazy things.
Like to get jobs, for instance.
Is it so bad that I tried hard and succeeded?

Because I can stop trying hard, if you like.
I'm very capable of that.

The wheels on the bus,
TWS