A Diaper Situation

I saw a dead turtle the other day. It had no head.
"How do you know that it wasn't just hiding in its shell?"
Because it had a neck with pieces of flesh still attached to it.
True story.

On the other hand, I laughed for about 2 minutes over this:














That came from this.
"He's slow to adopt new fashions."

Quick updates:
School: still busy
Work: still annoying
Boyfriend: still love him
Canada: still would like to visit some day

Yesterday, I got cussed out at work.
Don't worry- it wasn't my fault.
But it still wasn't nice.
Nevertheless, I held my cool.
Because that's what makes the awesomesauce so awesome.
And if you don't have awesomesauce, then WHAT DO YOU HAVE?

(according to my calculations, I should be earning approximately $14 an hour)
(but apparently no one cares about my calculations)

Anyone who knows me knows that I am not a fan of profanity- even though it has the word 'fan' in it, and you know how I love puns.
But if Profanity was a page on Facebook, I would not "become a fan" nor would I "like" it.
If profanity was served a la carte from a menu, I would not order it. Even if it tasted like rice krispie treats.
But I should warn you that the next paragraph has some profanity in it. This may cause a lot of my readers to lose respect for me, but that's okay. I'm willing to risk my writing career for this.

It's amazing to me the importance of the word "the" in our culture. Somehow, something that is "shit" is the opposite of something that is "the shit".
If someone would like to explain this discrepancy to me, I'd be much obliged.
Otherwise, I apologize for my ruthless and uncouth behavior.

I've discovered that everyone is either engaged or married.
And I'm like super crazy insanely jealous.
Girls in my accounting classes with these diamond-shaped diamonds on their fingers.
Getting to plan a honeymoon.
Using fancy words like 'husband' and 'fiance' with the word "my" in front of them.
Having someone to come home to.
To go hiking with*.
*With whom to go hiking.

I covet.

"Allie, you're 20. It'll happen in time."
Mmk.

Question: If you take someone's property, but then you burn it, is it considered larceny or arson?
Answer: Larsony.

The weather is changing, and so am I.

Sebastian is only a cool name if you're a cool person,
TWS