Plane and Simple

I was reading the newspaper today like I do about every 8 months or so, and there was this article suggesting that the earth may have had two moons 4.4 billion years ago that collided into each other and made the moon we all know and love today. The event was called "The Big Smash" and consisted of the little sister moon giving the big moon a pie in the face at 5000 mph. What's even more awesome is that it was a silent collision because sound doesn't travel in space.

Silent Collision.
New band name.
I called it.

And I would say that it's a "true story", but since we can't go back in time and prove anything, it's more of a "theoretical" story, like most of science is. Just thought I should point that out.

The other night in a fit of insomnia, I came up with a list of both good and bad inventions. You will notice that these are in no order of magnitude, and what I think are bad/good inventions are not limited to these. For instance, I did not include iPad on the list of bad inventions because you already know my thoughts on that.

Here's a little list of what I decided:
Bad inventions:
1. The Snuggie: For approximately 6000 years, man has gone without needing sleeves on his blanket, but it's a good example of the manipulative powers of marketing. Like- that commercial with that lady getting all disgruntled on the couch? Yeah. Everyone was so easily convinced after that.
2. Silly String: I have never been in a situation where using silly string actually produced a positive outcome. It just makes everyone's life just that much harder.
3. Flamboyant toe socks: I don't want my toes separated by cloth, nor do I want my socks calling attention to my feet. Bad idea. All around.
4. Electric staplers: Their sound is like that of guns going off, and they often cause more problems than they solve.
5. The popcorn button on the microwave: Even the popcorn bags say not to use it. And then it's also kind of creepy when the microwave finishes cooking something and it says, "ENJOY" on the screen with that crooked little J.

Crooked Little J.
New band name.
Called it.

Oh look! My nephew and his facetious shirt!















And since I like taking pictures of myself taking pictures of myself, here's a picture of myself taking a picture of myself:



















Don't you think it's a little demotivating to call a certain space a "vanity"? It's like designating a place where one can be vain. Be vain in the kitchen? NO- Go to the VANITY.

Good Inventions:
1. The bicycle: Relatively simple, but highly effective and still in use today.
2. Multivitamins!
3. Retractable eyeliner: Infinitely better than poking yourself in the eye with a sharp pencil.
4. No-bake cheesecake: If ever there was a win for processed food, this would be it.
5. Glow Sticks: Except for that one time I broke one after that Halloween party and got bright yellow glow juice all over myself and broken shards of plastic stuck in my skin. True story.
It was bloody, but it was beautiful.

Broken shards of plastic.
New band name.
(called it)



















Have you ever wondered why the word "halter" top has the word "halt" in it? I wonder what people who named the style wanted the people who wore wearing the style to stop doing.

HALT! HAMMERZEIT!

Inspirational quote time: brought to you by this movie
The other night at quilting, I had to use one of the old, decomposing community sewing machines (people usually bring their own because these are so temperamental). It was really heavy, and all different shades of yellowing plastic because it has had many replacements in its time. Mum was poking fun at my yellow compared to her sleek, white 21st century machine, and I was like, "HEY. Color means nothing to a blind man!"

That's true for sewing machines, but it's also applicable in real life.
And so is the quote, "Nothing is out of reach if you have long arms."
Think about it.

I think I like the color cognac.

The Color Cognac.
New band--- no?
Ok.

I am just a speck of dust inside a giant's eye,
TWS