Coeur De Pirate

Lexicon is a cool word.
And I came across another awesome last name this morning.
Diffenderfer.

Because I've been working so much this week, I decided to keep a tally on how many phone calls I actually answer. I've been at work for 2.5 hours and have addressed 19 phone calls.
Well, now 20.
...21.

I've also felt a strong urge to speak in an accent when I answer the phone. I'm exceptionally average at a British accent. I should give that one a try one day. It'd be even funnier if the person on the other line had a real accent. We'd be like two magicians trying to entertain each other.

And I did learn a cool magic card trick like I said I was going to.
It's going to blow your MIND!
Or maybe not.
But it still makes me cool that I know how to do one.

Yesterday, I answered my cell phone.
I: Hey!
M: Hola! Como estas?
I: Uh...BUENO! MUY BUENO!

Which, I found out, in that context means "High! Very high!" instead of good, which would've been "Bien".

So now I can't trust Espanol nor the people that speak it. In fact, the other day, some people that speak it broke into my apartment (I mean, they lawfully had a key, but still), and started cleaning everything and totally stole/threw away the almost full bottle of dish soap that I kept under the sink as well as the almost-empty ones on the sink.
True story.
Here's the kicker: they left all of our disgusting sponges.

So what's the worst thing about the first day of school?
The awkward way that people interact with one another because they don't know each other.
What's even worse that that?
How teachers augment this awkwardness by having us stand up and introduce ourselves and then, here is the absolute worst part: have us say where we're from and "something unique or interesting" about ourselves.

Let me address the "where we're from" part first. Ok- everyone is either from:
a. Atlanta/Marietta
b. Statesboro
c. A town no one has ever heard of
So if you're in category A, you might know someone, but then again the cities are so massive you probably won't. And if you do, it's that super awkward, "Hey- we went to first grade together and you borrowed my Chinese finger trap and never gave it back so that's the only reason I remember you" kind of acquaintance.
If you're in category B, you probably know a lot people and maybe even go to the same church as your professor.
If you're in category C, no one is going to remember where you are from when you announce it in a class of 35 people.
When all is said and done, it will not matter from whence you came because you will make alliances among yourselves based on your seating arrangement. Thus finding out where everyone is from is completely unnecessary.

Now, saying "something interesting" about yourself is another phrase I'd like to address.
I don't know if people don't know what the word "interesting" means or if their lives are truly that dull, but for some reason, people take this opportunity to say really uninteresting things about themselves. Like, "My major is general studies with an emphasis in ambiguity" or "I like to hang out with my friends" or (and this is my personal favorite): "I'm a *insert NFL football team here*'s fan."

Disclaimer: you can't really get an emphasis in "ambiguity" but a general studies major indicates to me that you're very vague about your college degree and that you can't really specialize in anything useful.

So here are some ways to make those responses more interesting.
Response one: Only those with majors or major/minors that are truly interesting should use this one. For instance, "I'm a Nutrition Science major with an emphasis in Afrikaan studies." Why would anyone minor in that? If it raises questions, it's interesting.
Response two: "I like to hang out with my friends and go cow tipping late at night sometimes, just for the lolz, and this one time..." *tell a true story* Telling a true story is always interesting.
Response three: ...
I'm sorry. There's nothing interesting about being associated with a sports team. That's comparable to standing up and saying what religion you believe in. Either no one cares, someone's offended, or you just made a friend. BFD. It's not interesting.

So how do you escape this social conundrum?
Easy! Say something that is ecumenically accepted as being interesting!
I have some examples:
- "I like to color dinosaurs in my spare time."
**I actually said this to my bio lab class. People enjoyed it, and I got asked if I was professional at it. It must have been because I said it with a dead-straight face.
- "I have never flown in a plane before, nor have I ever flown on a griffin."
- "The 3rd leading cause of bankruptcy is owning horses." (this really isn't about you per say, but it is interesting)
- "I'm immune to poison ivy."
- "When I'm walking, I step around the grates on the sidewalk because even though the gaps are really small, I'm still afraid that I'll fall in."
- "I can count to ten in Japanese, German, Italian, and French. And English."
- "I have a cat named Turd."

See? You can make any little mediocre thing about your life interesting and worth hearing about. The problem lies in that people lack the creativity to make it that way.

What teachers should ask is for everyone to say something extremely common about themselves. Then everyone's "interesting" statements would actually be appropriate.

Me?
I would say I pee in the shower.
That's extremely common, right?

Quelqu'un m'a dit,
TWS