Old Friend

Lyrics:

I've started this sentence so many times
But can't get past the "hey"
I've been wanting to open up that door again
But I sound so cliche
I know it's been weeks, no- it's been months
And we have not spoken once
I must suck at keeping in touch
If I said I missed you, it wouldn't mean much
Still I will try
To say hi

Can I still call you my old friend
Can we still talk every now and then
Can I stay in the spare bedroom of your mind
Think of me maybe if you have time
Whenever you want to 
I'm here

Can I write you letters
Would you want to hear from me
Call me old fashioned
Promise I'd make them good ones
Not the thin little cards at Christmas
No, I'd send you fat ones
And you'd read 'em at your kitchen table
Laughing with me like I was there
I've missed it so bad
I want to be so back
In your life where I was before I decided to go
So

Can I still call you my old friend
Can I still visit every now and again
Can I stay in the spare bedroom of your house
And if not there maybe on your couch
Wherever you want me now
I'm here

Can I still call you my old friend
Can I still visit every now and again
Can I stay for the afternoon and maybe spend
the night or the weekend
However you pull me, I'll bend
I'm here

I'm your old friend
I'm here
I'm your old friend
I'm here

A few notes:

This one is for a lot of different people. If you think it's about you, you're probably right.

When I was in the process of moving back home and saying all my goodbyes, I wasn't sad.
Like at all.
I knew I'd miss some things and some people, but I was like, yeah, sure, we'll stay in touch. No big deal. But now that I'm all settled, it's clear I can't just keep on living life in two places. Things changed instantly, especially for those dear, dear friends I met and played with on a regular weekly basis. You know who you are. And thinking back even further, former coworkers from when I left my job last spring.

I keep on leaving people and places and things.
All the nouns, I guess.

A line I took out of this song was "My guilt is the biggest secret I've ever kept" because it didn't fit/rhyme with anything, but it's true. I have felt guilty about up and leaving sometimes, even though I knew it was the right thing to do and the right time to do it.

So this song is kind of figuring out how to deal with that and realistically stay in touch with old friends.

Real talk: the lyrics in the first verse bug me. They're so stilted.
However, I think that's also perfect because it  mimics how awkward reaching out to someone for the first time in forever feels like.
It's so forced. So unnatural. So cliche.
So first verse.

But then after that, it just flows, man.

Can I stay in the spare bedroom of your mind?

I love that line.
Like, can you picture that?
Just hanging out in someone's brain space for whenever they have time to think about you.
It's free real estate.

The second verse references when I would write back home to my sister- nice, big, fat old school letters, sometimes even with melted wax (or, you know, crayons) as a seal.
Is that something that other people would like?
Or maybe visiting is more important.
For how long? An afternoon? The night? The weekend?

The idea progresses from small steps:
Breaking the awkward silence & thinking
Then communicating, writing & making plans, now and then
Then actually following through those plans and being there with people, now and again

The ideas build with the music which is one of my favorite things about this song.
Even the instrumental bridge begins with sporadic, random piano that develops into a strong pattern mirroring the way that even spotty communication can still lead to something meaningful.

And then the ending strips it back to just those sweet, ethereal ASMR harmonies.

I'm your old friend. I'm here.